Nuru na Uhai..These two words are the motto of my Alma Matter Moi Girls School Nairobi. In Swahili they translate to Light and Life. If you went to high school in Kenya you must be familiar with the nickname your school had. Chalks, Bush, Patch, Changes, Pango, Stato , Kotet, Boma the list is endless - each with a story behind the name.Ours was Kabbz, Quabbz, Cabbz - whichever way you spelt it the joke was that they served cabbages daily and as a "rubble" yup more Kenyan high school lingo - a Form one is basically the dust / rubble on the ground - you had that to look forward to in the DH. Cabbages were the one thing I dreaded the most - I loathed cabbages. To me I found cabbages tasted like paper dipped in water. But four years after my stay at Moi Girls they became a delicacy - I guess the "chefs" at our school had perfected the art after cooking them over and over again.
They say you form lasting friendships in college. I think high school is where the meat and potatoes of friendships is. Specifically in form one. Each and every person who walked through the green gates of Kabbz slept in a communal dorm known as "Kabarnet." Oh did I mention we were not the only girls of the then president Moi. He had his girls in Isinya, he had Moi Girls Eldoret we were his "Nairobi girls" It was only fitting that one of the dorms was named after his hometown Kabarnet which we called Kaba.
On September 2nd Kaba was set on fire. 9 form ones lost their lives and 50 more were injured. The news had so much grief as parents and friends of the deceased grappled with the loss of their loved ones. The parents of some of the students are still trying to locate their loved ones through DNA testing.
There are many discussions making the rounds regarding the tragedy. How long the fire department got to arrive, how the arsonist had clearly opposition defiance that went unchecked, one conversation even politicized the whole thing.
I think the most important thing  at the moment is just be present. Be present for the 9 families that are grieving, be present for the 51 girls who were injured. Be present for the rest of the girls in the school as a whole. Sit with them in their grief as long as they need. PTSD is real, the trauma of reliving a painful experience is just that - painful. And so after the dust settles, the cameras leave Moi Girls and move on to a new story, that is when the girls will need to be lifted up the most.Those girls in the other hostels who came to the rescue, the girls who managed to escape will need strength to get through the tough days because they will come

Ashes to Ashes. Dust to dust

Today I had the most surreal experience. One of my patients recently lost her father whose wishes were to be cremated. No one in the family wanted to keep his ashes - go figure - so guess where the urn lands - yep on the dresser of my patient. She asked me casually - do you want to see the urn? I hear my heart race - yes I gulp. So she proceeds to bring out the urn. I clutch the side of the dresser. I am actually staring at what was once a living breathing person now reduced to ashes - no pun. I lift the urn - heavy as lead.She asks casually again - do you want to see inside? My eyes widen - yes. She opens it as though she is opening a jar of candy.  I wait to see white smoke come out and the skies open above. Instead all that is inside is a clear bag filled with white powder. At this point I am like this is nowhere near any part of my job description - what the heck am I doing here? I still have the gloves from earlier. I touch and feel the ashes of a man I will never know. At this point my patient is busy yapping away,  "Yeah they say this is all bone that is why it is white."  "Can you believe this is daddy?" "They were going to charge me $800 for a coffin oh heck no." I can barely hear a word she is saying. In my head so many thoughts are running through my head - did he live a full life? what is a full life anyway? Did he get to dance in the rain? Did he know he was loved? Did he die in pain? Did he know Jesus? Was he an atheist? The moment passes. She puts away the urn. I tell her that was so insightful and intense. To think that yani even after all the plastic surgery, the weight loss programs it all boils down to ashes. It was an eye opener and reminder of a blog I had once posted on. In life its not the number of years that define your life but the dash in between. So run your race, do not be afraid to dance in the rain, blaze your own trail. Be your biggest competition. Set your own bars and break your own glass ceilings. Love passionately. Heck skydive if you must. For real today I came face to face with the term YOLO. Its even Biblical,
Eccl 12:7 : and the dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it.
Okay over and out. .

What is this madness?

As always I remember the log in info to this blog when I need to rant and rave!!Again healthcare delivery has made me mad, furious so furious...Saturday 5:30am. I have just fed the baby his early morning milk and as I put him to bed I idly scroll through my Instagram and see "Urgent appeal. My friend Druscilla is in the ICU and she needs platelets after an emergency C-section. That name sends off alarm bells - there are not too many Druscillas I have met in this lifetime.Can it be her - it has to be her - Mombasa. mother of one.Aga Khan  Hospital. yes it is her. I immediately send my sister a message. Have you heard? I start thinking oh em gee who do I know in Mombasa who can donate blood and better yet is O+ . Joan my good friend lived in Mombasa and is currently in Kenya visiting. I update her. She is in shock. She will ask her old contacts who are in the Aga Khan area to try donate. Tuesday 7am - as I refresh my Instagram feed - "Rest with the angels Dru." I drop my shoulders in defeat. A beautiful life snatched in its bloom. A husband left a widower with a newborn and a son. Its 2017 - the fact that a woman can die of childbirth "complications" makes me mad enough to have to put my thoughts on paper at 1:53am. To think that if you have a loved one who needs blood that in 2017 we are making appeals to somebody, anybody to "go donate" as they fight for their life. Like what is this? Like how is it that Kenya is competing at a world standard in technology, real estate, heck we paved the way for mobile banking worldwide through mpesa and yet as far as healthcare a woman can die of childbirth complications. I was reading an article and they did not even have the terms to articulate what happened - all they could say was there were complications in her limbs after she had the baby. What does that even mean? I just dont know where the turning point will be as far as healthcare delivery systems. I guess maybe there are bigger fish to fry. My sister says I have become "detached" from the realities of Kenya. Maybe thats what it is. Maybe I have no idea what is actually going on on the ground. Or maybe everyone is so much on the grind that aint nobody got time to be sick. I think there needs to be a healthcare revolution - I dont know the hows I dont know the whos I dont know the whens but I do know it needs to happen and it needs to happen soon.

The good the bad and the downright ugly of the Rio Olympics

As the sun sets in Rio on the games of the 31st Olympiad, one cannot help but comment on not only the level of cut throat competitiveness but also the drama that follows all Olympic games. Initially Rio as a venue was marred in controversy - will there be enough space to build the stadiums, will there be enough security and just recently Zika virus decided to rear its head adding to the already crazy mix. However, except for the green diving pool, plumbing issues here and there at the Olympic village and Ryan Lochte's exaggerated tale on the big "hold up" Rio showed the world that Brazil is still a tour de force to reckon with as a tourist destination. From the sun kissed mountains, the music,the samba, to the magnificent statue of Christ the Redeemer, the white sand at CopaCabana beach we were left awed by the beauty of the city. First off lets begin with the opening ceremony - yes you could tell it did not have the glitz and the glam of Sydney Olympics or the uniform routines of Beijing but Giselle made up for this with her catwalk across the stadium. Although one would wonder what was the point of that walk - here we were waiting for the ground beneath her to turn into gold or chocolate to fall from the skies but alas no such thing happened. Meanwhile the walk of nations - Cameroon yall know how to clean up good - those outfits were a true representation of the mother land Africa. While the opening (and closing) ceremonies did not have the va va voom and technology of other host cities that try to out do each other each Olympic year - Rio was simple and beautiful. And thats what Brazilians wanted - love us or leave us - this is who we are. Anyhu... lets start with the darling of the Olympics - Simon Biles - though she be but little she really is fierce..that girl can jump and twist and do things to the human body that you wonder ala is that normal. Another Simon (Mullen) became the first African American to win in the swimming competition - kudos! As for Ally Raisman folks - what passion they had!!They would twist and clutch their seats and twist some more when she took the floor - true Bostonian spirits right there!Meanwhile back at the ranch - Gabby Gabby Gabby smh smh. wait did she really skive the closing ceremony??Gabby Douglas became an icon of the phrase from hero to zero. I wrote about her 8 years ago right here..I will admit half the time she looked bored, the other half of the time she was trying to understand why she was getting cyber bullied by people sitting behind a screen who have not accomplished half of what she has at her age. Hashtag leave Gabby alone.She was a reminder of the necessary evil that media can be - build you up only to tear you down when you as much as sneeze in public and forget to cover your nose. Its all good Gabby add your gold medal to your trophy cabinet and get on with life. On a more lighter note talk about the human spirit in full force - Olympian Hamblin who lost out on her chance to win a medal to help her injured Olympian Dagostino after they got tangled in their 5000m medley. Reminder that at the end of the day of the power of "Ubuntu" - I am because we are. There is an African saying - if you want to go fast go alone, if you want to go far go together!! Mmmh lemme see what else is worth writing home about - Oh what about that Katie Ledecky girl she came to swim!!!Madam shattered her own world record and the distance she left the other swimmers with jeesh..there was a point you could think she was in training in the pool alone. And of course swimming is not complete without a mention of Phelps. Yani I think he owned a third of the total US medals. What about his adorable son and those gigantic DJ noise blocking headphones - by all means necessary we need to go support daddy!! Since we are on swimming I guess we might as well address the elephant in the room - one Ryan Lochte. Isnt it sad how good looks pale in comparison to poor character. What a sour way to end such a lovely occasion. I mean how do you break down a door because you need to use the bathroom. Which begs the question - would he break down a door "back home" in the US at McDonalds after a night of partying and cry the sky is falling? Is it a case of America being the big bully of the world?  Oh well as some reporters said after the incident "boys will be boys." (gags). Kudos to Kenya for being the highest African country on the medal board - you know Kenya leaves it all on the field when it comes to long distance running and the new found sport - javelin - Lets go Yego!!! The Kipchoge Keino documentary was a great start and how awesome that the Kenyan anthem was sung at the closing ceremony for the winning marathon race.However on another note - whats up with all the Kenyan athletes defecting to run for other countries. Yani you look at the screen and see Langat, Kiprop running for Bahrain or the US and yet their accent dripping Nandi Hills. Then under the screen you see hometown Eldoret (which is not a city in Kansas if anyone was wondering). Anyway  at the end of the day jamii lazima ikule. Meanwhile lets throw some shade on the Kenya National Olympics Committee.Where are the outfits Nike sent?Lets not be surprised if the outfits end up in a sports store in Luthuli Av a few months from now (sigh)..(the cost of corruption)...Kudos to the refugee team..one of the swimmers had swam across the Aegean sea escaping war torn Syria. How about that US womens running squad led by whats her name Felix? heh she finished running and was walking like de nada - its nothing. These Olympics were a reminder that aside from our division along political, racial, education and social lines, sports unifies us in ways that we cannot explain. We have as a world for the past three weeks forgotten the ugly head of terrorism and how it has become a part of our conversation.The Olympics is the only place you will see a North and South Korean pose for a selfie together. It has shown us the power of Ubuntu - I am because we are. Brazil has shown the world that we may not have it all together as a nation, but we sure as heck know how to welcome and entertain. So whether we left Brazil in a better or worse state as they try to re- settle and get Rio back to normal one thing is for sure Rio left us all excited and thirsty to reach for the Olympian in each of us. See you in Tokyo 2020.Okay now back to your regular viewing *flips channel to CNN for the latest in election* (yawn yawn)

Quote for later

Here is a for later quote i will come back to


“It’s not the critic who counts, not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the person who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood, who strives valiantly, who errs, who comes up short again and again because there is no effort without error and shortcoming, who does actually strive to do the deeds, who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions who spends himself in a worthy cause, who at best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and at worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so his place shall never be with those cold, timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.” 

Theodore Roosevelt

Quote(s) I stumbled upon from my old diaries

So I stumbled upon one of my old diaries...yeah I have a diary for every year since 2006 - I kid you not 10 years later...Actually the other day Dennz  was like honey let us merge our online calendars so we can know whats coming up for each other...I went like (sheepish) - uum honey I still write out my dates in a physical diary - I am so like my cucu and mum in so many ways..

So anyway here are some quotes I stumbled upon in my diary the year I was planning to come to the US...they have just reminded me of something one of my favorite motivational speakers Seth Godin - yes Casey - Seth Godin says - do not wait to get pick PICK yourself...do not wait to get that pat on the shoulder - you have to be your biggest cheerleader - internal versus external motivation - blog post for another day..
Okay happy reading... oh and  happy New Year!!


" If you give up when it is winter you will miss the promise of your spring, the beauty of your summer fulfillment of your Fall."

" The dogmas of the quiet past are inadequate to the stormy present. The occasion is piled high with difficulty and we must rise to the occasion. As our case is new so we must think anew and act a anew. We must disenthrall ourselves and then we shall save our country..." Abraham Lincoln.

Success: It is not the position you stand but the direction in which you look.

Dropping in

 Just in case I forget tlet me leave this here...One of the best collabos of a life time pure talent - no hollywood just pure TALENT
Brian Mc knight and Mariah Carey

Lady gaga, amputations and all things in between

I have a patient. Her name is Ms. X. Everyone needs to meet a Ms. X or know a Ms X in their lifetime. Like I can seriously resign six feet below right now having met Ms. X. It is that serious. This is a petite like 4 ft almost 85 year old lady who I met last year at the rehab I work. She always hasw red hot lipstick and her hair is always in a bob cut. She used to walk around independently however recently she started using a wheelchair because she had a necrotic toe...This woman is a riot I tell you. She had this older man patient who she would say okay I am going to Mr. Y room - make sure you call the fire brigade when I am done. Like she had such crazy talk you would think she was a truck driver in another life. She grabs life by the horns. She always has a joke to tell - some a little rouggh around the edges but funny all the same. This past Sunday at work I check the workflow email and see she was re admitted from the hospital..The other nurse came to tell me oh Ms. X is back they had to to amputate her leg above the knee she was developing gangrene.The nurse went on to say she came in dressed as Lady Gaga. I smiled.During my break I went to the floor she was on to see her. She was watching TV. Her face lit up when I came in. She says Penny they had to chop it off. I tell her its good they did, that leg would have killed you if you got septic. I ask her if they prepared her for an amputation. She said no. I asked her if she had looked at it she said no. She went on to say Penny you know what everything happens for a reason. And I know God has a beautiful plan for me even with one leg. That is why I came in wearing my lady Gaga outfit. Yup sure enough she had the shoulder pads the hair etc. Her attitude just reminded me of how sometimes we miss out on smelling the roses and remembering how short life is. We forget to laugh to embrace life with all its twists and turns. Instead we mope around mourning things that are dead - dead flowers, dead relationships, dead dreams. There is a nook that had a catchy title - why I wore lipstick to my mastectomy..I loved it...anyway I was just touched by her amazing attitude and show of courage I had to write about her.

Compare and contrast - Before and After

So this is what I do when school is out...with so much free time on my hands. Look to the left and look to the right...This past weekend we celebrated out first year weddign anniversary - in Vermont!!Fitz and Olivia have nothing on us :) Dennz and I had a ball...like thebomb.com...the hiking the biking, the green pastures it was super!!Pics and the story to follow...But in the meantime...we came to find out maples syrup is made in Vermont...Yani they have real maple tree- they even give a little tour - which we missed sigh...But anyway we found a maple farmer from whome we bought maple syrup from - Exhibit B...The one on the left duh (and I am not trying to bash Market B) it is store products in general...Look at what comes out of the tree and look at what we pick up at the local grocery store...It has got me thinking alot about food and GMO stuff and all this other processed sugars they put in food - no wonder if you compare someones pics when they were FOB and compared to now you can go like say what???So anyhu just a little pic of the before and after

Still Alice - of Alzheimers and Dementia

This blog post is dedicated to my aunt who is living with Alzheimers.A dedication to the laughter, the Christmas gifts - she used to go around making sure each family member got a Christmas gift and Oh what a dotting grandmother she is.The happier times we had growing up - you will always be Aunty Wanjiru.

There are only two diseases that make me sad. Well make that three - Alzheimers dementia, Multiple sclerosis , Huntingtons disease oh make that four and ALS. Actually let me take that back. Any disease that is neuro-debilitating makes me sad to my soul. These are disease that eat away at the neurons of our body. They are mostly auto- immune - the body for some weird reason is fighting off its own neurological system.The geek in me is fascinated by the science behind it all - a body destroying its own body? *sips tea*. But the human in me has a heart that breaks every time I hear stories of patients of their lives before Alzheimers. Here is a link you need to see its short I promise Still Alice.

 I read the book Still Alice and it moved me to tears - absolute tears. I have not even watched the movie..Today at work I walk in to a patients room. Her husband was holding her hand and he was watching TV.She was staring into oblivion - a blank stare on her face. He turned off the TV when I walked in and begun talking and talking and talking some more... He told me all about her. About them. He told me they met in college. Graduate school. She was studying for her Masters in English. She was a Literature professor.They lived in Brockton.They have a son and two daughters. I sit down and listen.He continues how they traveled the world together. I gulp down saliva as I look at the lady he is talking about. Can barely recognize where or who she is. He continues with a distant look in his eyes. We had good times together. He pulls her arm closer as he says, " But now I doubt she even recognizes me." I sigh. He continues to say he does not know anyone in her family who had Alzheimers. 

The reason neuro debilitative - jeez what a mouthful...neurodebilitative diseases sadden me is that you re like a mind stuck within a body that you do not recognize. You can hear, you can smell you can taste but you just cannot be able to connect the dots of all these senses. Where you look at a cat and say the word dog. Where you use a toothbrush to brush your hair. You pick up sphagetti with a knife. You look at your husband and call him brother Jim.You just cannot connect the dots. I have worked with patients with Alzheimers for a while and you see their frustration, you hear that voice crying out for help trapped in this body they have no control over.

So take time to be patient with your loved ones, love on them, hold their hand until they cannot hold yours any longer. Take in the emotions - even if they call you Mama Joe and yet you are sister Mary. For somewhere tucked behind all the confusion , forgetfulness and blank stares are memories and laughter and joy that no disease can take away...

" People will forget what you said and what you did. But they will never forget how you made them feel. 

*Crickets crickets*

.....Before you read this post if you have not already watched the video that happened at a pool party in Mc Kinney Texas this past weekend it is here attached
McKinney Texas pool party police brutality...
So I do nursing home visits -  go to peoples homes assess their medical condition do their medications etc.I actually enjoy it and one of the main reasons - there is so much flexibility as a nurse to actually sit and LISTEN and meet your patients where they feel most empowered. Go through their family albums listen to their stories it is just awesome.
..So today I was at Mr. X home it was around noon. We chatted with the daughter she told me she was cop - she does training of other cops in the academy etc etc So like I said it was noon. So the noon news came on and his daughter was present.So they showed a segment of the video posted above of the pool party that turned ugly with the cop shoving the African American girl to the ground. So the lady goes like what a horrible thing that was, Immediately there was a heavy silence in the room like you could hear the proverbial crickets crickets. As she looked at me as she said those words. Both of us on eitherside of the spectrum. Here a cop and me the African American kid. Both of us with our own 2 cents on matters of race and police brutality which we would of course not care to share at that moment. I immediately killed the vibe and went like Mr. X how is your pain? You could feel the cloud lift from the room. The home visit was short lived from here. But anyway for me the whole video just made me wonder - while yes from what I heard the pool party had become unruly I ust winder was that force necessary? The girl in teh video looks barely 15. Liek the cop is holding her head pushign it down as he has both his knees on her back. Surely will she not be traumatized after this incident?
Its so ironical that McKinney Texas - where the incident happened is ranked THE BEST state to live in America - which begs the question ina country where the president is not above the law why does it feel like the boys in blue can use so much force and get "leaves of abscences from work until the dust settles?" These are my midnight musings ...

We did it!!!

So  I am so excited our first year anniversary is coming up in a few days...It so strange but I am actually more excited than I was for the wedding - (sssh dont tell the hubby). For some reason it is so exciting - I am like yay first year anniversary!!!Everyone at work and their mother knows this weekend I will be mteja.. And yes we are going " mashambani" as Dennis says lol...So we wanted somwhere low key that would not break the bank..You know, somwhere we would not feel the pressure of okay there are jet skiis, paragliding etc - that was great for the honey moon. But this one year anniversary we are very low key - of course I needed to throw in some Olivia and Fitz drama. so I chose Vermont. First it is three hours away - so bonding time pap!!Long rides with your partner are a great way to just talk and laugh in this technology laden world... So yes somwhere we could drive too that is not necessarily new york. And of course I am hoping Dennz can teach me how to milk a cow as he is always bragging how

he is bingwa of cow milking...Either way Vermont is chill - and thats what we want to just sit back reflect and thank God for the amazing year that has been,

Oh so the picture up here you see - I was on wedding wire - dont ask - actually giving our DJ a review and I stumbled upon that on my profile page today and went like oh em gee I remember when I used to look at that section and see 110 days until the wedding and here we are 361 days later..I would do June 14th all over again - the planning not somuch but the happiness the vows the first kiss at the altar, the first dance the bridal party our families I would do it all over again!!

So cheers to many more anniversaries many more celebrations and happier days ahead!!

Here is the song that I am absolutely in love with this anniversary week 

Ed Sheeran - thinking out loud

Kitabu Junkie

So I had started a blog called kitabu junkie...I wanted it to be primarily to blog about books like a book review blog...But as always I lost the log in URL and this and that...so anyhu I will squeeze in the books I read this summer here... I am calling it my facebook free summer and challenging myself to A book a week summer...So this week I am reading Untouchables by Narenda Jadhav....It is the story retold of an Indian family that was born into the lowest category of the caste system. Yani they were considered the scum on the ground by the higher castes.yani like poop...Heh we used to learn about these castes in Histo but until I read this book I had no idea how bad it was...Yani they could not even touch or come near anyone from a higher caste...So anyway this man is on a quest to get his family out of this lifestyle..he wants them to get an education etc so he defies the rules he is even beaten he runs away with his whole family...and that is where I am...

My first (well sorta) 5 k

So this past weekend we run well walked our first 5 k...I enjoyed lakini Dennz said I was slowing him down lol but he waited and waited - reminded me of a movie with the title Never leave your partner behind..on training some firemen on never leaving their partner behind...So anyhu here we are at the 3k mark taking a lemonade break and a ka selfie...yani how is it we look the same as we did in 2008...love this man for sheezy!!

My magnet fetish??

Well maybe fetish is too strong a word...I remember growing up I used to collect stamps and coins...I had a  pink little album and it had stamps from Poland to Germany to China - I even have no idea where I got them from...I think the book came with stamps and I added a few here and there..I also had interesting coins and notes from different countries - it was interesting...So now that I have moved away from all that I just received a magnet the other day from a colleague who went to Jamaica...I dint even ask her it has become standard protocol. Anyone travelling out of state brings me fridge magnet and as you can see the collection is growing...I love to travel and see new thinsg - taste different foods... The fridge magnets give me a sample of these places - that hopefully one day I will go....But for now let me enjoy the Grand Turks magnet and imagine warm sand and cool pina coladas on clear blue waters.

"The world is too round to sit at one corner. "

This Lindsey!!

This Lindsey woman is the reason I will still try and learn how to play the violin...enjoy her video shot on location ova in the Mara??
We found love

Stay hungry stay foolish

One of the lines that stuck with me from Steve Jobs commencement adress to the Stanford class - "stay hungry stay foolish. " So this past two weekends I have got to witness two of my dearest friends wear a cap and gown as they graduate and I have been filled with a sense of happiness and pride its crazy..
Every Spring millions of college kids across this great nation walk across podiums to receive four five even six years of an accumulation of hard work sweat and toil.and every Spring I always have tears in my eyes when I see graduates in their caps and gowns - this year being no different.There is just something about commencement  that fills one with a sense of hope (even if the GDP may be saying a different story).It feels just like the other day when I adressed my graduating class and the line that resonated with me then and still does is , "For whether it has taken you three four five years or even more to graduate believe me when I tell you time is never of the essence when it come to education - Your here you have done it and that is all that matters." For me graduation speaks of hope, the end of one journey and the beginning of another -  while some may argue that education is very relative especially in a society where you can literally enroll in a course for free at Hahvard - (insert Bostonian accent here) and even google/ youtube anything you want to create or invent. The answer lies in that earning that degree takes some serious perseverance. Looking at the three people up here all I can say is yall see the glory I know the story - just saw that line in a blog and had to steal it...They each have a unique story. So for me I am just glad that the tears, the late nights the assignments have all been worth it.  Congratulations to the class of 2015.... !!!

Work is love made visible. And if you can't work with love, but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of the people who work with joy”

Khalil Gibran

I will just leave this here for reference

Because music adds color to life...the violin the piano...the voice the lyrics...the eye candy :0...
Love this song and love this rendition with Lindsey sterling https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwsYvBYZcx4

My social media detox..

Soooo here I am after a while away from my think pad aka blog....It feels great to be back..there is something so liberating about writing - its like a journey with no destination. Your thoughts can wonder left or right - the road can turn, you can write and say anything without thinking oh will I offend anyone with this post...will I get enough likes. And that is a reason I am back.I am on a social media detox - well specifically facebook - since I am not on Instagram or twirra...Yeah after much hupla I deactivated my account because for real my name is Penny and I am addicted to facebook...Yani there is this test you give an alcoholic its called the CAGE test basically four questions - Have you ever thought of Cutting Back? Have people ever Annoyed you by criticizing your drinking? Have you ever felt Guilty about your drinking? Have you had an Eye Opener...and yes i answered yes to 3/4 of these questions with facebook..It hit me one morning -my alarm clock went off after half an hour of snoozing and stretching i picked the phone and went straight to the facebook icon - and it did not happen once or twice, a couple of times enough for me to say hey get a grip and get over the Fear of Being Left Out Syndrome...So I was like this is not a healthy lifestyle - I am looking into the mirror of other peoples lives before looking at My mirror - spending time in things of value first thing in the morning - studying the Word, or even watching Good morning America... And of course the time factor - so much and i mean so much time just scrolling next next to the end of the page and refreshing the page all over again and it hit me what am I looking for exactly?? There are great things on facebook - actually amazing videos, articles, humans of New York and on and on but I think for now let me breath and do me - find joy in meaningful phone conversations, face to face coffee dates without saying oops hold on let me take a picture of this latte update my status and say I am at Starbucks and on and on and on...And maybe personality wise I am different like that but it sometimes bothers me how people post pictures of their every move in the house, at work - with a million hashtags #watching a movie# #happy times# #making breakfast# eating breakfast# like get on with it....and have fun...maybe I am just hating lol but I think its so important to live in the moment...the pics are great but if your so busy looking for the camera to take a picture to upload it - in that instance you will miss the first steps that baby just took. And then the pressure on poor kids to come up with these performances on video to be uploaded for friends to see - they are constantly with cameras in their face left wondering wow my whole life is one big audition...Okay enough ranting who knows how long this will last - but for now its exhilarating...


I want you to back yourself into a corner. Give yourself no choice but to succeed. Let the consequences of failure become so dire and so unthinkable that you’ll have no choice but to do whatever it takes to succeed.”  Jordan Belfort - Wolf of Wall Street

My thirty before thirty ;)

So in a few weeks the year is coming to an end.....The year has been awesome - a rollercoaster of sorts...the highlight of my year has been walking down the aisle to a song I have replayed in my head since the first time I heard it... to meet my best friend and hubby at the end of an aisle to say I do -  for now and for always...But yes after years of friendship dating road trips we finally said I do and I keep saying what the heck were we waiting for...It has been a new journey - we have a little christmas tree that is ornament malnourished - but hey it is our first tree..little memories we are making in our little apartment...So as the year is coming to a close as always I like to push of step back exhale and take it all in - the accomplishments of the year, the fears,the joy and laughter, the struggles and look forward to the new year....And this year it has hit me - this is my last year in my 20s and you know me - I like to close things off with a bang - heck I had to sky dive before I got married ;)..So the last couple of weeks I have been fortunate to work at MGH Yawkey Center for Thoracic Cancers.I have sat with, held back tears and held hands with patients as they were told  that their cancer had spread and was not responding to chemo. I have laughed with them as they retold stories of days when they were active before "this thing" happened, but the toughest has been answering questions such as, "how long do I have left?" But being encouraged my those who tell me you know what Penny you have to enjoy each day coz you never know when "this thing " can hit you.....So this year will be a year of chasing the dream and not the competition, trying things that will challenge me, I will not be afraid to jump higher, run faster, love deeper. Because at the end of the day I will be more dissaponted by the things that I did not do than by the one I did...So first on my list is learning how to play an instrument...I have been contemplating between a violin and a saxophone and finally settled on the violin.The other day when I was taking the train into Boston there was the most beautiful violin player on the red - line...It was so good that one by one people stopped looking down on their cell phones and just stopped to listen.....It is just beautiful.Here is a song that sealed the deal for me today as well why I want the violin https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwsYvBYZcx4..So here goes to the violin and many other things to do in my thirty before thirty list ;)...Feels great to be back in teh blogosphere ;) Queen p