AM ALL THE MAN THAT I NEED

Yesterday I came to a point in my life where I know where I am and where I want to be and what kind of a man am looking for to share my life with...Okay we are getting sentimental here....yes so anyway trust me its so good to know who you are as a person what your hearts desires are...am sure your waiting for me to write I have gone gay or something lol!!!!!No what I mean here is that for you to have that satisfying life you need to be sure of who you are... what do you value most... be it education be it family be it integrity whatever it is take it and hold on to it.Because if you do not know who you are and what you stand for people will definately walk over you... say things to you that may be derogatory and Priscilla is always telling me the men at work are so innaproprate and now that I think about it yes they are!!!Especially we women we need to be know how special we are...these men think they can come from their far away planet Mars and come talk whatever they want or treat us like gum - chew and spit us out when done..hell to the no!!!!!I think I have been wasting too much of my time searching for that guy who will see not just the physical but the emotional... the inner me my big big heart and I reached a stage after last week where I said enough is enough whats all this about.....I LOVE ME SOME ME!!!!So yes I have discovered what makes Penny Penny....I know her values I know what she likes and what she wants to hear and what she doesnt want to hear...I know what kind of behaviour ticks her off and yes she loves romance and def jam poetry and Tupac Shakur, Mary J...yes I may at some point need someone to complete me and my life - good hubby,cute kids... but for now I AM ALL THE MAN THAT I NEED!!!!Ladies can we get an Amen

"A true measure of a man is how he treats someone who can do him absolutely no good" - Ann landers

Its not that serious!!!!!

Yeah this is one of my favourite quotes coined by one of my favourite people in this country - Priscilla....anyone we see acting too serious not smiling or thinking too much we tell them Its not that serious!!!!It was coined at some Mc Donalds we went to the girl who was taking orders was having such an attitude towards the customers so an African American (You know African Americans - you aint showing them attitude - they define attitude) so anyway the lady when it was her turn and the lady was showing her attitude she told her "Wait.... girlfriend you need to chill..its not that serious..(in a base voice rolling her eyes shaking her head with her finger in the air - use your imagination here work with me) and the girl was so perplexed and was like am so sorry and bla bla bla bla...So anyway morale of the story today I came to affirm the fact that Americans take life too serious I was talking to a lady I met through an organization now the phone call was meant to be a short one but trust me she went on and on about her brother and how she is getting ulcers because they are alwasy arguing coz the dad is in jail and its only her brother who can pay the dads expenses (bills - the common term around here) but apparently he has so much hatred in his heart and he has always had it towards her for such a long time ova since high school they are always arguing and the brother is abusive to his wife and kids he has a mean temper - maybe he gets it from the dad - who did I mention is in jail for physically assaulting his wife - as in cops were called ...the full shabang.So anyway today at work the lady I work with - very hardworking and everything but very serious...And the clients we work for are behavioural - you have to be very flexible and paitient.So anyway she told me the whole day before I came in they had had so many behaviours with the clients and I told her one thing.....humans give what they get if you are so serious towards them they will act out.Treat them as normal adults laugh joke take it easy!!!!!!The whole shift she was all over the place... working doing this doing that and am there chilling on the couch with the clients laughing at nothing so am like chill woman..talk to the clients know what your working with....socialize with them be their friends first before anything else....Okay so am drifting what am trying to say is that people around here are so damn serious trust me life is too damn short.People walk around here with so much thoughts in their head...live for the moment folks ...you know there is nothing much you can do about that phone bill due tommorow so you know what smile for today ..... goodness sometimes I think I am too easy going I do not take life seriously at all even when my sister or mom tells me something so pertinent and serious I have to laugh first as I absorb .....as the pastor in church said today - ahem ahem yes I did go to church - Riverside Assemblies of God- which I think is now my permanent church - I have done enough church hopping - from Mattapan to Billerica to Kenyan ushindi and Hosaana aiii I thought they said Mungu is universal....Oh yes so what the pastor said was Let Go and Let God.... Oh yes at church today some Kenyan guy who was beaten up sometime last year - got brain damage kiasi though he is recovering so fast - was there with his mum so they came to say hi to me and Priscilla and he was looking fine...he has changed since the last time we went to see him at the rehab center.He shaved his dreads and was wearing some stylish miwanis and then was wearing those meet Joe Black coats...auwwi then did I mention his smile..mpaka even Prscilla was like He is handsome and trust me coming from Ms Iron Pants that is a compliment right there.So anyway am so glad Njehu is back on his feet and his courageous mother - please can we hear it for the mothers in the house??so yes she was holding his hand when they went to be prayed for haiya kwanza now that I think about it the preaching was on the prodigal son...mmmh....coincidence....I was so happy to see him smiling again though even at the rehab center he was still smiling....but as Adisa says there is nothing as beautiful as smiling through a storm ryt Manditha - are u reading this by the way???
Okay now I am in between watching the Oscars,reading my lit book ,replying my emails,listening to Brian Mc. Knight - yeah am in one of those moods...and writing in my blog - gosh and I thought I would never see the day that I would be a multi tasker.......

I pay no attention to anyones praise or blame - I simply follow my own feelings - Wolfgang Mozart

flu galore........

oh dear dear dear...i have a just contracted the flu that is goin around Mass it is hectic am telling you the full runny nose coughing headache things are thickItell you and I have to drive home I will be staggering on the road....
So anyway this weekend my friend Mercy and I had planned a surprise baby shower for a good friend of ours Mary Anne it was such a splendid time and we had spent the whole like past three weeks fretting over nothing and so scared no one would turn up and trust me we were there till three in the morning maybe thats y I have a flu..i have the pics tho my flash drive is far so I will posst them in the next blog....as you can tell this is by far the most boring blog posting to date I am so out it trust me.when I get sick I go ballistic I need TLC....

"The Only Limitation Is Your Imagination."

random...from Def Jam to Grammies

Yeah this is so random right now...coz its one in the morning and am getting sleepy I should be in bed but its a pity my system is changing I am becoming a night owl.I can stay up till 4 in the morning but by 9a.m I will be blacking out.But no now that I think about it I have always been a night person never a morning person- ask my sister or roomate how grouchy I am.I am listening to Amazing Love- You are My King on You tube its one of those hillsongs that will never die in the leagues of above all power...good stuff when am in the mood for getting in touch with the Jesus in me- which seems to ne happening a lot on Sundays only - not good!!!So anyway yesterday I got derailed by Njeri at work - kawaida yake she hooked me up with Hennesey so we were sipping on Hennesey but the problem was I was staying for the overnight shift so I was staggering around the faccility till 7 in the morning..just a reminder why I stopped srinking.Today I spoke to myfamily my small sister is going to start Aga Khan High school for form one.I am still in shock that she is joining high school..I remember he rin her cradle so well its not even funny....checking up on her after every 5 minutes...Gosh I love kids so much..what I wish for is that I will give my kids 101% of me love them so gently...I am in a poetic mood coz I have just come from watching Shihan on Def Jam Poetry man he is mind blowing...I dont know how to post videos yet but if you get on you tube and type in def jam poetry Shihan.....
So anyway Valentines day is coming up this week and I dont have a valentine kawaida yangu.....I was talking with May the chick I work with and was came to the conclusion that I have the problem in relationships.I remember a quote Terry from Soulfood once asked, 'i wonder why men want me until they have me?" and yes I do wonder the first stages are bliss then suddenly something goes terribly wrong and it takes a down ward plunge.But you know what its a 50-50 situation which I dont realize most of the time - until its too late that is.I always want to be on the receiving end..always getting the phone calls always getting the compliments so I need to be more pro-active in my relationships.....okay this has turned from random to Dear June
Yes so as I was saying - gosh I get carried away so fast - O spoke to my family and I have a project pending over summer that needs their consulation prayers - lets just say its a big risk that I am willing to take - me being the risk taker that I am...So blog please cros syour fingers all goes well...will keep you posted...
Meanwhile tonight was the grammy awards and it fell so short of my expectations....the performances - except for Beyonces kawaida who gives her all in her performances were nothing out of the ordinary.I saw my boo Usher in the audience but his boo was by his side lol!!I think they are getting a baby..What happened to the days Usher , Mary J P Diddy would get on stage grammy night and give us a mind blowing perfomance...mmh I guess they dont make em like they used to!!!!Okay now my eyes weigh a kg......let me hit the sack.....Ciao

The "Pay it Forward" Philosophy

Today on my way back from school I was sooo hungry so I bought Chinese for me and Sue and she was like so grateful and making such a big fuss and was like you dont know how much I appreciate you bringing me and bla bla fishcake so I told her really its no big deal-coz really its not...But you know what I told her Pay it forward and she went like huh???Yes its a simple philosophy that could change the world..the same way I give her a ride someone did the same for me when I just came to the country and needed a ride to school.So you know what that person told me dont pay me back pay it forward.This applies in all aspects of life whatever good someone does in your life I dont want you to hold on to it I want you to give the good to the next person who may need it.Be it a ride be it a favour be it a smile when a stranger smiles at you as you cross the street I urge you to smile back and smile to the next person.If this philosophy was really applied dont you think the world would be so awesome.But the thing is we humans are so selfish we hang to everything instead of sharing...So share that smile let me scratch your back and you scratch the next persons back.....All in all my week has started out two hours late as my boss kept me waiting today but I learnt the gift of paitience - it truly is a virtue - I told my self if I get worked up I will ruin my whole week so let me find something to keep me busy...so I read for the test I had later on in the day and it really heleped.So she didnt really rob me of two hour sof my day she technically mademe not do what I owuld have done in thoise hours..okay gibberish when I start rumbling on please stop me as I am falling asleep...........zzzzzzzzz

Letting go

I have just completed a medical ethics paper - that is due kesho -yes I remain the queen of procrastination and I feel so accomplished..but not really coz I did a little plagiarism - i hope none of my proffessors reads blogs coz I will be in the slammer sooner than I can say plagiarism....so anyhu I have also come from facebook and seen pictures of one of my first loves ahem ahem I will not write names and I was so amazed how much I have grown and let go of that relationship - coz trust me its not a cliche when they say the first cut is the deepest.Yes there were times Mr X would call and I would go balistic when he smiled my heart skipped beats but now that I look at it it was all just puppy love...a phase I am so over trust me he would say jump and I ask how high not literally but you catch my drift....I saw his pic today and I went like huh??what was all that about?But the beauty of every relationship is that you learn a thing or two and with each relationship you get better.....so yes I am still "on the prowl" as Lydia calls it but not really currently I have no social life my books are my life right now but I love them all the same when you start reading you realize how much you do not know and you had rather be quiet - yes let me be a nerd for today.....

You've got to know when it's over. Let me tell you something. I've got the gift of goodbye. It's the tenth spiritual gift, I believe in goodbye. It's not that I'm hateful, it's that I'm faithful, and I know whatever God means for me to have He'll give it to me. And if it takes too much sweat I don't need it. Stop begging people to stay. - T.D JAKES

Me Mama Mikes and Kitty

Ha ha ha Yes that is the title of my post today...today i was glad to make my sisters day by sending her a black forest cake a bottle of wine and a Steers voucher through mama mikes...some online whatever they are that you can sambaza whatever it is you want - wine airtime etc to your loved ones back home and put a smile on their face (Let me be their unofficial marketing manager here)You can vsist their website at http://www.mamamikes.com/ and go ahead and make someones day......So anyway back to my sister yes as I have promised for such a long time I will write about her but trust me I cannot even begin to find the right words to describe what she has been through so today I will try as best as I can...I call her Kitty...So 5years ago - Oh my God its been 5years...yes so anyway 5 years ago she was involved in a nasty car accident in which two of her friends passed away and she was sustained a spinal cord injury - paralyzed from the shoulders down.Underwent spinal fusion in Cape town such a brave brave young soul I tell you...From on of the operations she came out smiling or so my dad says - but you know he is a drama king but honestly I believe him coz this girl can smile through a storm which she has and continues to day everyday.With all her ingenuity and confidence she has gone ahead and staarted an NGO called Chariots of Destiny please visit the site http://www.chariotsofdestiny.org/ that champions the need for accesibility options for people in the rural areas living with spinal cord injuries and also advocates for designating a driver through various campaigns e.g the just concluded peition signature for "Make Roads Safe" - Yes Adisa I can be your spokeswoman...Trust me everyone in our family knows for a fact that their is no one who is strong enough to go through what she has gone through with such grace, confidence and determination.In all honesty she has made each and everyone in the Marenge family realize we have inner strength that we did not know we had and most important one big philosophy I have learnt through her experience "DONT SWEAT THE SMALL STUFF!" There are things we choose to take so seriously that are so trivial and we become so rigid in our ways.Trust me life is too short so as per the Chariots of Destiny slogan Take Each Day at a Time!You may not have what you want or be where you want to be but trust you me there is someone somehwere out there who would give anything to be where you are.Goodness I could go on and onforever her story could fill my blog so you can read more below (I tried to paste the link but it refused so here is the pasted version) It was written by a journalist from one of our local dailies..enjoy

Of all the statements that Casey said, one will remain forever engraved in my heart-‘it could have been worse’. It is indeed remarkable that anyone can use those words after becoming paralyzed from the shoulders down, Yet, this is what Casey said and that is what makes her an amazing and inspirational young woman. After completing her O level education at Alliance Girls High School in year 2000, Casey joined the rest of her family in Kampala, Uganda where her father was working. She continued with her education and sat for her A levels in 2002.Upon completion, she decided to pursue her further studies in the UK.
After being accepted by a London university, she decided to travel back to Kenya and begin the process of obtaining the necessary documents needed for her journey. While here, she reacquainted herself with her friends and former schoolmates who were now studying at Daystar University.
On Friday September 26th2003, Casey met with her friends to go out for the night. They had a good time and left for home at about two a.m. The excitement and events of the day finally had their toll on Casey and she dozed off upon entering the car. When she woke up, it was Saturday early morning and she was lying on a bed at the Intensive Care Unit of the M.P. Shah Hospital. Little did she know that she had been in a horrific accident that had stolen away the lives of two of her friends who were passengers in the car and one that would ultimately alter the course of her life forever.
She spent six weeks at the MP Shah hospital in the ICU section. She had no voice, due to the breathing and feeeding tubes inserted down her throat, and all she could do was whisper to family and friends by her bedside. Cold metal tongs of traction were bolted into the sides of her head with eight kilograms of weights suspended on a pulley to keep the pressure off her broken neck. She endured a battery of tests and injections and was all the while fully dependent on the hyper ventilator for breathing. She remembers one incident when she tried to move her hands only for her arms to fail. She did not realize the full implications of this and dozed off considering it an effect of all the drugs that she was taking.
Due to the magnitude of the injury that Casey sustained and also the limitations available here for the treatment of spinal cord injury, the family sought expert medical advice from the Consulting Surgeons who then concurred on the decision to evacuate Casey to a hospital in Cape Town, South Africa for specialized treatment. After critical preparations and fundraisings, through an AMREF air-plane, Casey was then flown to Southern Cross Hospital in Cape Town.
Upon arrival, the head of the Spinal Rehabilitation Centre Dr. Ed Baalbergen began immediate medical care of Casey. Dr. Baalbergen, who was later to bond soclosely with this cheerful Kenyan girl, for the very first time laid out calmly the hard facts to Casey about the extent of the injury to her spine. Once again, it did not sink in due to the effects of the sedatives. When she woke up after a long drug induced sleep, she imagined that the doctor’s words were an unreal dream. She somehow believed that God would take control and make her walk. In fact, she kept telling her physiotherapists and doctors that her God wanted to and would make her walk again.
Soon after, she was on the operating table in a six hour operation to strengthen and stabilize her neck. Bone from her hip was extracted to be used as graft on her neck to aid the stabilization process. To date, Casey recalls the intense pain she was in from the operation. A mix-up of instructions caused Casey to receive a double dose of morphine. This made her delirious and sent her temperatures to the forties. Her mother watched in helpless agony as her first daughter’s body struggled with the pain and suffering. A second operation would follow to correct her respiratory system. She had to go through a number of exercises that would push the diaphragm up in order to revive her collapsed lungs. She started being weaned off the hyper ventilator and all the while having to endure the discomfort of feeding tube through her nose to the stomach.
On 18th December, Casey was finally off the hyper ventilator and a few days after she was moved from the ICU to the general ward. Even then, she could not breathe on her own and had to have an oxygen mask attached to her at all times. Subconsciously, Casey wanted to remain dependent on the machines to breath. This would cause panic attacks where she would demand to be put back on the machine. These attacks lessened when the rest of her family came to visit in mid-December. The first step of the healing miracle in Casey’s condition happened at this time when she was transferred from the ICU after a stay of eleven weeks in both Nairobi and Cape Town and moved to a normal ward room. This was indeed a welcome gift for the family who had just arrived in Cape Town to be together with her. Her younger sister’s Penny and Jessy were a calming influence especially when Casey’s legs would have intense spasms.
She soon began her physiotherapy sessions and through counselling psychology she began accepting her fate. She attributes this to the wonderful and supportive team of nurses and physiotherapists. A major milestone was on January 19th when Casey’s voice came back following a final operation around her throat which enabled the breathing tube removed. Even then pain was never far away. The constant insertion of suction catheters to her lungs to assist in coughing was a painful exercise that she had to withstand time and time again.
Her mother, Lucy meanwhile had undertaken a course in home care nursing at a training institution in Cape Town to equip her with the necessary skills of taking care of her daughter in this new life. And so the preparations to bring Casey home started. Casey did not want to leave the ‘comfort’ zone of hospital. Here everyone knew her as a quadriplegic. She worried about coming home and having to be viewed by friends and family as a helpless invalid. At certain times she felt scared and felt that her fate was far worse than of her friends who had passed on. To some of her friends, she described her condition as death in slow motion.
She found courage and strength in a South African girl who is a midget with no arms. This girl uses her shoulders to drive among other activities, and a few weeks before Casey met this girl, she had just graduated and gotten her Masters degree in psychology. Casey felt challenged to make something out of her situation. She then began lessons teaching her how to use voice activated computer software that enables her to carry out all functions of a computer giving her hope that she could now complete her studies and make something out of her life.