Ashes to Ashes. Dust to dust

Today I had the most surreal experience. One of my patients recently lost her father whose wishes were to be cremated. No one in the family wanted to keep his ashes - go figure - so guess where the urn lands - yep on the dresser of my patient. She asked me casually - do you want to see the urn? I hear my heart race - yes I gulp. So she proceeds to bring out the urn. I clutch the side of the dresser. I am actually staring at what was once a living breathing person now reduced to ashes - no pun. I lift the urn - heavy as lead.She asks casually again - do you want to see inside? My eyes widen - yes. She opens it as though she is opening a jar of candy.  I wait to see white smoke come out and the skies open above. Instead all that is inside is a clear bag filled with white powder. At this point I am like this is nowhere near any part of my job description - what the heck am I doing here? I still have the gloves from earlier. I touch and feel the ashes of a man I will never know. At this point my patient is busy yapping away,  "Yeah they say this is all bone that is why it is white."  "Can you believe this is daddy?" "They were going to charge me $800 for a coffin oh heck no." I can barely hear a word she is saying. In my head so many thoughts are running through my head - did he live a full life? what is a full life anyway? Did he get to dance in the rain? Did he know he was loved? Did he die in pain? Did he know Jesus? Was he an atheist? The moment passes. She puts away the urn. I tell her that was so insightful and intense. To think that yani even after all the plastic surgery, the weight loss programs it all boils down to ashes. It was an eye opener and reminder of a blog I had once posted on. In life its not the number of years that define your life but the dash in between. So run your race, do not be afraid to dance in the rain, blaze your own trail. Be your biggest competition. Set your own bars and break your own glass ceilings. Love passionately. Heck skydive if you must. For real today I came face to face with the term YOLO. Its even Biblical,
Eccl 12:7 : and the dust returns to the ground it came from, and the spirit returns to God who gave it.
Okay over and out. .