Hapo niligongwa...lakini ni sawa;)

lol lol so today I was walking into the house after an exam ready to take my mid day naps - yeah am like a little cat I nap anywhere anytime anyhow...so anyhu...as I was walking into the house I meet a lady who begins to tell me this sob story of how her father is at MGH he had just been admitted with a stroke - she said this was his third one and she was crying...apparently she did not have enough money on the train she had pandad in Beverly and they kicked her out once she got to Salem - so the long of the short she wanted money to catch the train into Boston.She even went on to show me two dollars she had been given my someone.So in my head my initial instinct was to tell her that I did not have money - which I seriously had left my wallet in my car coz I knew I was in only for a nap...but after a quick minute I said you know what if she is lying let God deal with her.So I swallowed the ka big potato of words that I was about to say and instead said, "Oh am so sorry to hear that my wallet is in my car we can cross the street its right there and I see what I can do - yani I even told her my wallet was in my car.." - gosh if it was a stand up and she had a gun I would have been robbed silly...so I gave her the money I had in my wallet and she was like oh can I take your number and call you and pay you back and DUH am like of course not....pesa ya train hauna simu sasa atatoa wapi....so we parted ways for a minute there I thought hapo nimegongwa lakini ni sawa lol but hey like I said let God deal with her if she as lying... and of course I proceeded to take my nap and of course as soon as I had woke up I had even forgotten the incident until now - gosh anyone who knows me knows how I forget things so fast - sometimes its my strengh but many times its also a weakness....all the same I think I have the worst short term memory - I really do not remember things easily...oh well whatever...oh and today Wangari Maathai passed away - I was talking to my mum and we were saying how people are not even sad you know mourning - coz her life I can describe it like that budding rose that each year a petal opened and opened that by the time of her death all her petals were open and her rose was fully bloomed. Yani a woman who fought for what she believed in - yani hugging trees hadi GSU had to tear her apart from her trees and at 71 she looked radiant.RIP Kare!!!

8 years later - Does time really heal??

So today is September 26th a day that we will always remember in our family when my older sister was involved in a road crash...I have compiled pics of us together...there are no words to describe her no blog big enough to write about her but hey as they say pics say 1000 words...They say time heals and here I am 8 years later asking myself does time really heal or is it mans defense mechanism of coping with loss..For me the day I went to see her in the ICU is still fresh in my mind - seeing all the tubes and machines and hearing the oxygen beeps, the halo tract to keep her neck steady the trach tube that prevented her from talking the tears rolling down her cheeks that I wiped away as I tried to hold my own tears back as I watched her lips move and say, "Hi Penny,"and there I was with the firmest face I replied, "you dont even look that bad ," as my heart broke into a million pieces coz I knew I was lying...I looked around the ICU and saw death stare me in th face and as I went to the bathroom I cried myself dry for a good ten minutes.When I went back and saw the vent machine go up and down - helping her breath I asked God to spare her life and I will sepnd the rest of mine taking care of her if thats what it takes.So here I am 8 years later - my sister turned tragedy into triumph....the wounds may still be fresh in my mind or maybe a psychologist would call it dysfunctional grief but all I can say is every time I think of her and the pains she has endured the mountains she crosses DAILY,the smile on her face even after surgery I am reminded that this life is not mine , the air in my lungs, the ability to brush my teeth, get out of bed each morning is nothing I ever want to take for granted..So maybe just maybe time does heal....

Burnout syndrome

Its almost midnight - as usual these are the times am still awake - gosh I am so not a morning person - the other day in clinical I was a wreck - and no one believed me when I told them "guys I am seriously not a morning person.." so anyhu where was I....so the other day as I was going to work I started thinking mmmhh where is my energy???I was literally not looking forward to going to work as in I was even happy that I will not be working Thursday coz of clinical and even at work it seems the hours are just breezing past.In my head am thinking ok when are the ladies going to bed I get on the computer and do my other work??Now that I think about I remember Bill Hybels speech at a recent leadership summit he talked of making sure you are not over challenged or underchallenged at the job you are doing.Taking it a step further I think both lead to the big B word BURNOUT!!!!Which is what I have been experienceing alot of late.I was having breakfast with a friend the other day- I was from work and she started feeling all sorry she was like oh no you must be so tired we can postpone our breakfast date and I told her oh no trust me I slept the whole shift at work.Later as I thought about it am like wow I know it sounds great and all being paid to sleep - but whats the challenge in that?where is the stimulation of the mind?where are the results of that?so back to my main story...diversion syndrome so anyhu...I think am getting to a point of burn out - and thats the one thing I told my friend as we were chatting - I would never like to be at a place in my life where I just do things to do things - where there is no joy in my work where am not giving 100%of myself.I think am ready for a career change - I guess we can call it the five year syndrome - I think every five years its ok to step back and look at yourself in the mirror - and ask where am I?Where am I going?Where will I be in the next five years?so back to burnout..a sad reality of most jobs in America is that they are so monotonous that burnout syndrome is rampant.If you think about it - for some they have grown to love their job - oh oh which brings me to another story - there is this guy who sells newspapers at corner near north station yani that guy can make your day he smiles at anyone who will smile and wishes you a good day whether you buy a paper or not - love it!!Then there are those who the monotony of work shows on their face - from the mean lady at the post office to the guy who rolls his eyes at the Toll bridge when your struglling looking for your tu coins...my point is most of the jobs in America more often than not are done "to pay the bills" or to "pay for school" and even worse is most of us live pay check to pay check as we await that "big break"...Burnout now that I think about it can occur on so many levels...its possible for so many things to burnout from friendships, to relationships,to careers, to sadly even marriages....so the next question becomes how do you keep that spark alive?how do you keep the fire burning in that marriage ,how do you regain that passion you once had for Christ,how do you rekindle that zeal for your career......I dont have answers to these questions but one thing I know I will not let burnout syndrome get the best of me

Who do I need to see to get stuff done??

So I have just thought of a funny joke my sister and I had , "You want your music played you have to push for it, " only she can get it and I really do not want to go into a whole tirade on explaining it but my point is I get so infuriated by people always passing the buck...where will the buck stop? I always listen to the jam scam on Jamin 945 and a common line I always hear is " Who is your manager?" or "can I speak to who is in charge?" but after gettign mad for a long while about having to pass through a hierachy of people I have sat back and realized that you know what mmmh...in life there are people you call movers and shakers people who get stuff done with just a phone call or a click of a button.Gosh I have come to experience this on so many occasions and I think I learnt from my dad a long time ago - there was a teacher who had disciplined my sister like serious beating for failing a class and she was so sick that day I think her hands got blisters bad ones etc etc heh dint Mr Marenge go to the headmistress of the school forget the class teacher or deputy am talking Headmistress the head honcho the big cahuna and you know how headmistresses in primary school are no nonsense so lon gof the short the teacher who had beat my sister was immediately terminated coz of the incident ...and not that am saying it was a chest thumping moment for my dad... far from it actually I think I learnt from that incident at an early age if you want results sometimes you need to use a top to bottom approach...not to say that you always over look the hierachy of power but sometimes the small timers will beat around the bush liek in taht case maybe the class teacher would have said "oh am so sorry to hear that Mr Marenge we will have a meeting and "see what to do" ...so anyway I was tutoring last semester and the whole tutor program is a mess at the nursing school there is such a great need for tutors they even give a 50 dollar bonus for signing up - of course you know am all about free stuff. there was a time I had almost three students at a go and am thinking no there is a breakdown in the system.So I approached the co-ordinator of the tutor program and told her what if we open a full time tutor center and I gave her my whole spiel on the hassles of one on one tutoring, scheduling finding a class etc etc and she did get the gist ...her response was so bland ati oh thanks for your suggestions let me be in touch with the chair and since then zero...so am like what the heck???so I emailed the chair of the nursing program last week and she better have a solid response for me or I will go to the school presidents office.Last year there was this international advisor who made so many international applicants miss their enrollment dates due to her negligence - you could call her and leave her voice mail after voice mail... i gave her three strikes after hearing so many complaints from different people I wrote the longest email to the head of admissions ..dint she return my call that day so apologetic saying oh this oh that let me look at the applications and I since then I heard she was changed from that role...again not chest thumping or anything but my point is there are times there is no point wasting time with the small timers there are problems they can solve and then there are just those things that need you to "take it from the top" literraly... so dont be scared or shy or feel intimidated.hey I always say am not afraid of rejection...the worst thing I can get is a no...so send those emails, make those calls...you will be surprised the people at the top are actually the ones with the kindest hearts and ready to help.....

If you give up when it is winter you will miss the joy of your spring the warmth of your summer an dthe promise of your fall......

Brian mcknight on a rainy day all day ;)

instead of studying for my exam tommorrow am tuned into brian mcknight hey its pouring outside hey what can a girl do - am a sucker for love like that...here is a hit i stumbled upon http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJIOjGNbrmQ