Ni mwathani!!!

Lol I know its a  weird blog post...so today I have finally got around to slowly getting the house back in shape after the Kardashians left.Seriously last week I was going through Kubler Ross stages of grief I mean everything all went down last week.After six months of coming home to the smell of chapatis , Steve Harvey blaring on the TV "thats a good answer!" with his new day time gig on Family Feud , Adisa barking orders on her Dragon laptop, Jessy on I heart radio jamin to some bump that shake that music is what i call it... I instead came home last week to silence, darkness.I had ever heard my neighbor upstairs move and fo once I heard her....There were days I would come home from an overnight the past six months and just pray for a little hole to crawl into and sleep and now I have it....And on top of that I also left the job I had called home for the last five years.Ladies who I had grown to know as friends I had known to see their behaviors coming from a mile away and grown to see them as unique individuals with unique capabilities despite their developemental disabilities. They made me the sweteest manila huge poster with spelling so wrong it made me smile , " You always in our thought and heart.." " You make a work hard nurse." " We missed you so much so ." and on and on...It was bittersweet - but yes I felt it was time to leave - you know the four - 5 year cycle of a job - after every 4-5 years I think its important to review yourself at your work place to avoid the burnout which is where I was headed with that one....so yes it was as though the rug was snatched from beneath my feet last week and yes I was allowed my one week of grief......HOWEVER you know me I bounce back and bounce back I have...Today I have finally started making the house mine  - fixing this moving that...Soo anyhu back to the topic Ni Mwathani was a phrase we coined this trip and trust me God has seen us as a family through the past six months...You know I look back now and think wait a minute we never lacked food - actually we had the ice creams and the pork chops..rent was paid on time.I mean so many things happened the last six months that all I can say ni Mwathani.
I meet a guy at a parking lot who took the adopt a chair project vision and run with it - introducing it to his church who donated ten wheelchairs.
My special soldiers - Joanie and Dennz who -  did shopping and sacrificed their time energy and selves in various forms to make my families stay worthwhile
Two special ladies stepped up on so many occasions when I was not at home to take madthe and the other Kardashians from walks on the beach ice cream and Friday dinner...
I reconnected with a friend from Jersey who just moved to Mass for work and she also rounds up her ten people who will be giving through direct deposit for the adopt a chair project
I got a job only to loose it after about three weeks only to find out that one of my patients' sister was a nurse manager and she was impressed at how I looked after her sister and pushed for my application at an even better and fabulous faccility that is and ten minutes away  I get a position with benefits - which I dint have since I was done with school - finally I can get contacts!!!
I get the best neighbour who embraced my family and dint rat on me to the landlord that I was harboring guests for more than three weeks as stipulated in the lease - we nicknamed her Wanjiku on the last day as really she is an Oreo - white on the outside but a black sister on the inside!! lol
I finally got to see my dad and little sister after six years - form four leaver granted a visitors visa to the US in 2012 - well after putting up a fight ;) 
At departure they were allowed two yes TWO extra pieces of luggage at no cost - yes Delta that are looking for funding left right center some lady just came from nowehere and deemed them " for medical use"

All in all I can say Ni Mwathani on so many fronts - I havent even begun to mention how I got this house two days before they came on the ground floor - no stairs - which so helped with trasnfers... just when I was about to give up -  there was a day I was so fed up driving around making so many calls looking for a place getting so many rejections and I actually just pulled over and balled my eyes out...so all in all Ni Mwathani His ways are definately not ours and for real this last six months I have seen his hand.So as I slowly wean myself off - and finally get around to turning on the TV - yeah I am not so big on tv all I can say is there is a power greater than self that never sleeps never slumbers knows the hairs on our head knows every tear that we shed and his name is Yahweh!!!

Last Clinic Chemo, Tuesday October 17th, 2012

This is a special little girl I have been following she just finished her chemo...gosh I love the blogosphere that miles away I can know such an amazing family and little girl ...Van Gheem Family: Last Clinic Chemo, Tuesday October 17th, 2012: Please forgive the lateness of this post. I have been writing it for days, but this one was tough. I kept re-reading what I was writing...

Life as she sees it

So last week I had an amzing opportunity to cross paths with a woman I will never forget especially if I think of the cartoon Beauty and the Beast.I had not planned to pick up such a short shift - four hours was what it was - a four hours that will forever remain etched in my memory.All the scheduler told me is that she is "legally blind".I was like ok cool no sweat...So I Buzz the door and am met by a boisterous and yet sweet Portugese voice Who is it???Its Penny from XYZ company.....oh come in...So I go in and meet this short lady lets call her Mrs E standing with dark sunglasses at four pm on a beautiful fall day and a million dollar smile on her face.Oh come in Ms P!! she tells me.She welcomes me and begins to give me a tour of her bachelorette pad.I notice how everything in the apartment is spick and span.I notice the pictures on the wall - I always notice the pictures on the walls in all the patients rooms as I believe they tell a story of their lives- their children , their sisters,their grandchildren , husbands they lost in the army etc etc...I notice Ms E on the wall and I ask her why she is carrying a piano of which she smiles (there is the million dollar smile again) Ms P you are so silly thats an accordion my friend!!!I play the accordion harmonica and the piano.I will play you my favorite songs she says.I squeal with glee and tell her I cant wait.As I sit down to read her chart I see Ms E was born with congenital bilateral anopthalmia - born with no eyeballs.My eyes slowly widen - no pun as I look at Ms E - you mean to tell me behind those dark sunglasses there is like vacuum??air? like nothing.She notices my silence and asks what I was doing - I mutter just going through the chart.After a while she is ready to play me her favorite classic on her harmonica and then she begins for all the cartoon lovers...tale as old as time...song as old as rhyme..Beauty and the Beast.She goes on and on and I sit in silence like those kids in african stories who used to gather around the fire as the grandmother told stories.It was the most beautiful music I had heard.She finished and I was absolutely blown away.We later had dinner and talked about everything and anything under the sun -I sung for her an South African song - Sandela which she mouthed along and we laughed at her poor pronunciation ...She told me she is such a beast in the morning and is not a morning person she loves her beauty sleep - get it Beauty and the Beast - an area where we clicked anyone who knows me knows how I am soo not a mornign person.... she asked me about my family - what I went to college to study, I told her I took a Spanish class - so between us finding a happy medium of her teaching me Portugese which she said some words were the same as Spanish we darn well communicated.The word that stuck in my head she told me was contente which in Portugese means happy.I thought of the English word content as I looked at Ms E and thought she is the epitome of the word content. She is content in her skin; eyeballs or not she has learnt to live and make music in the darkness, and most important smile through the darkness.I thought of my bunkermate in form one who was also blind.Her smile was like sunshine on a cloudy day.I can only think of how tough it was  - if you know Kenyan high schools you know how you need a whole bunch of patience on those second form col mornings when there was no water to shower ;) ...But it is such moments spending time with with Mrs E that make life worth living.She deposited in my life and I hopefully deposited in hers.And I hope that we may all embrace such moments and open our hearts to the experience of meeting people who may be "different" from us.My path may never cross again with Mrs E but it was a subtle reminder for me to stop and smell the roses, apreciate the beautiful sunset.As I left she told me to turn off all the lights and I left her folding clothes in the dark as she sung.It was a bit awkward at first but it reminded me that life is painted in different colours for different people - it all depends how you see it.


Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend.”

That we many never forget...

So this has been a summer of diverse reads for me....my journey started with fifty shades - which I left halfway - yeah am one of those feminists going like Oh no Mr Grey you did not or maybe unlike Rihanna chains dont excite me... so my journey continued with the book Accountants Story -  Medellin cartel in Colombia led by Pablo Escobar - the Al Capone of South America.This was one of the first cartels to make millions out of the boomin drug industry...I then travelled to Zimba ma Bawe in the book House of stone that captured the life of two families living in Southern Rhodesia -  Zimbabwe at the time- one a rich white Rhodesian family and the other a poor Shona family living in the era of revolutions and turmoils and the hope of empty promises that Mugabe begun to make thirty years ago.....I was tempted to re-read Left to tell - discovering God amidst the Rwandan genocide however an even more interesting book caught my eye - First they killed my father - a daughter of Cambodia remembers.I just finished that book yesterday and my oh my talk of hard to put down.The book is a page turner...I tell you you read that book and your problems seem like childs play...So in a nutshell Cambodia from '75-79 was under military rule of the Khmer rouge who terrorized citizens...it was so bad that when the came to power the called it - year 0 yani we are exterminating who we feel like and starting to rebuild this city from scratch.Yani there were like minnie concentration camps and if you belonged to the previous government you were killed anyway its a great book.The reason of my title "that we may never forget" is as I was reading of the struggles that th Cambodians endured I started to think of the many Cambodians I used to work with at some company - am talking third or fourth generation immigrants who were born here went to elementary high school and college here...and I was wonderign oh my goodness I hope they have an idea of the history of their country and the blood that was shed for them to be chasing this elusive American dream...I think of the year of the Rwandan genocide - just the other day - 1994 gosh I was comfortable in a standard three class somewhere in Nairobi while so many innocent lives were lost...ok am kinda diverting.But my point is as I was driving by the defunct Borders the other day oh no not even Borders I was at the clinic today with my mum and we see on a wall - every child who behaves takes a book to go with" or somethign to that extent.Basically here pls give your child a book.I thought wow I hoe our history does not get lost in translation over the generations...I hope ten twenty years from now you can ask a Kenyan kid born today pls tell me about the Mau Mau and the struggle for independence...I hope I will be able to have a conversation in twenty years with a Cambodian about the Khmer rouge without getting a deer in the headlights look.And I know some have argued let the past bury the dead but I feel if we do not have a heritage to look back to we will not have a  future to stand and fight for....anyway am loving expanding my reading horizons and oh oh oh I am following a blog that is so inspiring - a familys batttle with their young girls cancer its so inspiring...you can check it out here  http://gheemers.blogspot.com/

Isnt the paralympics just as special? - shame on you NBC

As usual I always blog when something bothers my heart...so here I am..I asked it in 08 and I will ask it again...is the regular olympics more important than the paralympics - thank heavens the name was changed from special olympics..I mean gosh NBC its just 11 days from your busy schedule.I dunno why you could do three whole weeks for the regular olympics and yet even the paralympics opening ceremony had no airtime...I have many solutions to this problem Mr Jaque Roggue 1.)i think paralympics should be held hand in hand with the regular olympics kwani all you have to do is increase the number of days. 2.)paralympics then should be held first if you must split them up 3.)have st least some coverage even though its midnight something at least for people to know there are paralympics going on hallo or am I the only one in on this...

Of freshman fever and alumnitis

So I was walking on campus the other day and I meet a group of freshmen walking in groups with their leaders according to their last names.Their excitement was palpable as they walked through the college campus with bright blue orientation bags carrying other paraphanelia...I felt a tinge of nostalgia looking back thinking wow there are just about to begin their college career.And as a fresh alumni I immediately begun to think wow they are starting off on an amazing journey.I wished I could gather them all together and tell them that they will start off as one hundred kids but not everyone will make it to graduation - and not because they will not make the grade - but for some they will realize that college may not be the path they want to take and will still succeed if they fully believe in themself - look at Mark Zukerburg...I would tell them to expose themself to classes outside the curriculum - from glassblowing to a spanish class, to study abroad if they can.I will tell them that in college some will meet their life long partners.I will tell them expect to change your major a million and one times - I did that four times from Bio to Psychology to business to Nursing - wasted time but it exposed me to the areas I know I particularly do not excell at.I will tell them to value their professors and its not enough to slip in and out of class and for the professor to know just their name on the roster - as the professors have some brilliant minds and (great networks in the job market).I would tell them to EXHAUST any resource they can on campus - scholarships, grants, research studies,internships.Speaking of internships I would tell them to spend half their semesters researching and applying for internships and fellowships,half their summers on the beach and the other half participating in internships from their first year - yes first year...I caught on too late cough cough ;)..I would tell them to diversify their friends circle - you will learn so much from the Chinese kid and the international student from Nigeria.I would tell them if they can find a way to pay off their loans bit by bit during summer breaks to avoid finishing with a huge loan after college,.I would tell them there are nights you will want to throw your hands in the air and  give up - cold winter nights when projects are due and you still have to work and make the grade - but it will all be worth it when you take that pic in your gown and cap with your loved on graduation day.I would tell them to be careful who they hung out with coz that close buddy of yours father is the CEO of a huge investment firm and will be guaranteed a position after college even if they get a 1.0 GPA and as for you ...you will just have your resume and diploma to show for it and not the nights you two spent partying....But most of all I would tell them enjoy the ride,enjoy the campus activities, make friends , take time off to smell the flowers on campus - life is never that serious...sigh I think I have a case of alumnitis...

Penny 101 - Ten random things you may(or may not know) about me

Its a random day at work - Labor day to be exact and am bored out of my mind.I have been on th einternet for a good two hours - doing a lot of going up and down the blogosphere - wow there are good writers out there..and here i am back to the place I call home - simply me...So i have decided to come up with a list of things about me my likes dislike kinda like am looking for a penpal lol remember that in that Saturday magazine growing up in Kenya what was the name of that magazine it was on Sunday - kitty help me out here - oh yes Young Nation I remember my sister had a penpal from Sweden and sijui where - funny they never wrote back to me lol - my letters boring much???

1.)I love Ferrero Rocher chocolate - yeah the hazelnut covered almond chocolate balls love love love my friend Fizz babes got me a whole 24 box for my 19th birthday I always remember her for that noble act.I always sneak one in the shoppping cart at Market Basket- hey they put them right there at the front as you wait for the line to move they are like literal gold nuggets calling out.."Pennny...Penny.."
2.)Outdoor, nature and water make me think of buying a cannon camera....dennz knows I am always  looking for places that are near water...
3.)Sagging jeans make me roll my eyes a million and one times..I saw some guy in lawrence the other day with jeans on his knees and I had to do a time check...are we in 2012....lol to think I dated a guy who used to sag his jeans from here to Mexico with huge Timbalands and thought he looked so cool(sheepish smile) - hey I was young..
4.)I am still a sucker for the Best man the movie like I can watch it again tonight like right now....I watched Think like a man yesterday well yesterday and today I just am not able to finish a whoel movie...and it was ok...eye candy definately but still does nto match up to best man...
5.)I was the shyest girl in primary like seriously I could go a whole day without talking to anybody...then Quabbz happened then America happened then Salem State happened then blogspot and voila I guess I slowly came out of the closet - not in that way butya feel me??
6.)I was the bell ringer in high school and yet I am such a horrible time keeper - like I just cant get to anywhere at the designated time - except work where there is a darn punching in machine...
7.)I always see the inherent good in everyone even though my sister says it will screw me over in life as not everyone has your best interests at heart...
8.)I love love to volunteer - though I have slowed down in the recent past....that gap year after high school when guys were in IT and German school I was at Barnados slicing carrots for lunch for the kids..I was so happy the day I got a "promotion" to the baby nursery from the kitchen and was holding and feeding the babies milk...lol...and volunteering in Georgia building houses was also a highlight in my college career - met some warm amazing people.There is something priceless about being a volunteer - and I have had a heated discussion with my good friend Prisci as she reckons volunteers need to be paid and therein lies the problem...for me I believe there is no price value you can attach on volunteering like its priceless what do you think??
9.)I think am such a free spirit.I love the travel channel and watching the bizzare foods show from different parts of the world...my favorite saying  "I believe the world is too round to sit at a corner." There are so many things to see so many cultures to experience foods to taste.
10.)My LONG -TERM memory is almost photogenic I can replay to you an event exactly the way it happened what happened next where we were what the person was wearing ..i know spooky right HOWEVER my SHORT term memory is PATHETIC.I have parked my car at an airport parkign lot and spent an HOUR an hour lookign for it..well it was a rental so maybe I can pas son that one..no but seriously I forgot things that just happened but ask me a year later about the parkign space and I will direct it to you...weird but true ...
11.)I have a thing with capital cities - maybe its tied in to my love for travel...I wish there was a game show called state the capital city - Turkey - Istanbul, Madagascar - Antananarivo,Algeria - Algiers,DR - Santo Domingo, Peru - Lima, Chad - Noukachot, Rwanda - Kigali,Belgium - Brussels,Niger - Niamey,Tunisia - Tunis.....I think the Geog teacher for primary was bad a**..

Okay thats my two minutes of fame for the day..;)
oh a line I loved from think like a man "Boys shack up men build homes ." Yeah its cliche but it was just so spot in in the movie....

Of why I love the olympics - and believe we are all Olympians

Okay so the Olympics just concluded last Sunday - kudos UK you did an OK job nothing mind blowing or goo goo ga ga actually it was a tad bit confusing mara spice girls sijui who mara sijui what - yeah I know your trying to keep up with the tech times and youth lakini aaaiii...so anyhu...for me Olympics speaks to a place of my childhood I look back with relish - all of us as a family on the couch watching the 92 opening ceremony of the Barca olympics - I was cough cough years old - lets just say it was my first olympics... and twenty years later Olympics for me still makes me shed tears..Yani I hear the stories of the athletes - there is this Chinese dude who last Olympics in Beijing sprained his muscle as he jumped over the first hurdle immediately disqualified  and four years later after sweat and tears and sleepless nights injures himself again just after the start of the race.Then I think of the American sprinter who was raped by her uncle and has kept it a secret up until last year and she says "running provided her a release from all the anger."Oh and then boy oh boy actually the reason I am blogging today...her name is Gabby Douglas.Little girl with big dreams.yani at fourteen she left home for a year to train with the best and said hey I need to be on that stage mamma and the only way I can do this is if I sacrifice...Yani you see her perform you see the determination in her eyes before she jumps and you cant help but think darn the power of the human will to do anything and break any barriers.You see the pain and tears on their faces when they loose a match by one one hundreth of a second - whatever that means lol....The tears streaming down their faces as the winning flags are going up and their countrys anthem is being sung - you can only begin to wonder what is going through their heads they see the flag go up - the nights they stayed up practicing , the muscles they sprained , the family they had to stay away from for a while ....Gabby Douglas said she does not watch when the other gymnasts are performing she is only focusing on beating her own time.I think of Usain Bolt he as he is sprinting like a cheetah not focusing on anyone around him but beating his own world record..A favorite line comes to my head something like "chase the dream not the competition"...Oh and this one I stole from Seth Godins blog "The problem with competition is that it takes away the requirement to set your own path, to invent your own method, to find a new way. When you have competition, it's the pack that decides what's going to happen next, you're merely trying to get (or stay) in front.
Competing with yourself is more difficult, requires more bravery and leads to more insight."
So anyway I believe we are all Olympians in our own right - yeah I know sounds weird .... you may not be swimming in an Olympic sized pool or doing sky high Gaby jumps but if your constantly wanting better from yourself, pushing yourself to be the best you can be - whether its being the best writer, mother, carpet cleaner, cook, CEO, husand , nurse , anything...that my friend is your Olympic podium...okay thats my two minute of blegh.....meanwhile kudos to Afghanistan and the other countries that had women for the first time ...

ADD or the kid is being a kid #musings from my Comcast trip

So today I was at Comcast returning some cable boxes from my previous account -  so they take them off my bill - how dare they charge me 80 dollars for boxes ...so as we were on the line some small kid with the roundest glasses I think he was theree years walks in with his mum and from outside he was talking or sayign some gibberish ba ba ba  and I hear the mum say - Sssshhhhh....be quiet Johny...so they stand behind me and the kid could not sit still... he was up and down the place - BEING A KID...So all along the mum kept picking him up grabbing his arm and saying Johnie you need to stand right here you are not going swimming with grandma if you keep this up... there was a point he even yelped owww your hurting my bone.Lol then he says "Mommy I wan to pee." and mama replied "Well you did not plan well you will have to wait"..Three year old did I mention..."You did not plan well."....so as I left the two ladies infront of me one said "poor kid cant help it he has a handicap...and I almost jump up and down in rage A HANDICAP AND CANT HELP IT!!!!He is just trying to be a kid...I think I have blogged about this over and over again and I will blog some more until I have my own kids -hopefully not in America - and maybe I can change my stance on this....Then in church...a little kid lets out a little ba ba ba ba giggle giggle giggle you should see the daggers that are thrown by the usher there is one even who went to stand at the door those ones of do you want to take him outside...for petes sake!!Call  it ADD - the medic in me will agree yes it is a condition however the African in me will say (in a British accent) piss off!!! and the let the kid be a kid...

"I believe that everything happens for a reason. People change so that you can learn to let go, things go wrong so that you appreciate them when they're right, you believe lies so you eventually learn to trust no one but yourself, and sometimes good things fall apart so better things can fall together."  - Marilyn Monroe

Race card or sheer luck??

So today I got my first pull over by a cop well actually second the first one we were late for a weddign with two lovely ladies we were all dressed up and took a left on a no left turn and bam got a written warning...I think she forgave us coz she saw enyewe these ladies are all dolled up wacha niwaachie wasianze kuharibu mascara nma machozee......so today I was coming home from work in the wee hours of the morning..a little yawn yawn here and there and punde si punde I hear a siren behind me.My immediate instinct was to pull over ..in my head am thinking ok sir you can pass and go on and catch some bad guy breakign the law...shock on me the bad guy was moi...he pulled on the side right behind me...heh si all the sleep I had vanished in a flash...talk of fight or flight response...I start thinking ok insurance check, registration check, inspection sticker check...coz we sure as heck know he was not pullign me over to ask for my phone number there had to be something but what??...so he gets out of his car.he is black.I heave a sigh of relief...tells me maam i pulled you over coz your sticker at the back has expired have you renewed it?Penny: yes I did May 31st.Officer:Okay give me your license and registration.I break into a panic darn it I registered online and did not print out the registration or get that darn sticker for the back...so he run the DL - his blue lights blaring as mornign commuters in Salem look in pity and sheer curiosity oh poor girl what happened??So he came back Officer :I see you do not have your registration either.Penny(sheepish) no I did it online and changed adresses maybe it went o my old adress??(smile smile)...Officer: Okay I will give you a warning but I want you to go to the nearest RMV and get it done it would have cost you thirty five for driving without it and thrity five for no sticker.He said this with a look of "I got you my black sister." So he let me go and I gave him "Thank you my black brother - Aluta Continua.." So I drove home...heaved a sigh of relief - not exactly the best way to start my week but lucky and glad it was not serious...Maybe the race card was in my favor or maybe I am  just being paranoid....

Of J and B

Okay so today I have lots and lots to blog about it has been a while ...so I was watching the BET awards last weekend or was ot the weekedn before and I only managed to watch half of it but I got to catch the end when they were givign the best video...so Jay Z and Beyonce were both up for nomination...I was so impressed by this and it got me thinking how they are both so talented and compliment each other...It made me think a little deeper about relationships and going into a relationship....Someone said you go into a relationship to find your other half who completes you but after seeign Jay z and B I think the contrary is true.You need to be a whole person so that you can give your all to that person and that relationship/ unionIf you are not whole you will always be trying to get the other person to fill that other half of you the way YOU want it to be filled and in so doign you end up changing that person for your benefit - does it make sense , no?...I think so many times people get caught in the whole notion I cant function without this person am not complete etc etc...however I am here to tell you you can function without the other person and you are complete.I mean I look at Jay and B these are two people who are almost at the Zenith of their careers that the other ceases to be competition but just a compliment to the other...I dunno if am makign sense it was just a little aha moment I had when they were both called and they were having a make shift fight over who would win...and you can argue this so many ways - the other persons strenghts are my weaknesses etc etc like I said it was just a little light bulb...

Feminist , no?

Okay so I started reading fifty shades of grey a couple of weeks back and can you imagine I stopped midway...not that it was boring actually quite the contrary to  quote a friends face book status "That book can do a  number on ones loins.." lol...so anyway short of the long call me nun call me boring call me feminist, hypocritical but I found it a bit to raunchy aii even kinky is putting it mildly...that did not even bug me as much as the way the submissive is made to come off as just that...submissive... I felt the things that she was allowing to get done to her all to fulfill the dominants sexual fetishes like really get a doll Mr Grey...you dont need a woman of flesh and a soul to do the things you are makign her do...yeeah my workmate who gave me the book is on teh second one - fifty shades darker reckons part 2 is much better than part one - that he gets to open up and actually says he loves her so maybe I need to get off my high horse and get to the end of it...well maybe its my conscious doing a number on me...and then on Monday when I took Jessy to do he rhair I was watchign CNN some lady in where was that Iraq?Afghanistan who was shot nine time sby Taliban for apparent "adultery" I was like wait hold up we are in 2012 is this a clip from 800 AD??That a woman is being murdered for going outside the ndoa...I was stark raving mad that women are still getting the back bench being treated as less than men AAAAAAAAAAAAAGH screams screams...Gosh am so glad I learnt from when I was young there are no glass ceilings that cannot be shattered your gender is not directly related to who are where you can go.I remember it was such a joy to race in swimming with the boys and win the races in class compete with Stephen M and Peter for number one two and three in exams....or maybe I may be more feministic than I think....On other news I am reading a great book - yeah after ditchign fifty shades..Its called House of stone - two families torn apart in war torn Zimbabwe I love love love it maybe its coz I have two very near and dear Zimbabwean friends....okay over and out..

Its just boob...

So this is an oooold blog post I started and of course dint finish...I just saw the title and I have laughed wondering mmmh what the heck was I going to write about...its just boob lol lol...oooh now I remember I was in a plane...mmh where was I from or going to oh yes I was comign back from a friends wedding in Cali last month and I got an aisle seat - yes the dreaded aisle seat so the lady infront of me she also was on the aisle - bless her heart travelling with two toddlers - one was an infant who was wailing like there was no tommorrow...So sweet mummy acts like she was at a Bus stop in Kiriamiti in Central Province and whips out her boob and starts breast feeding...I being from "Africa" and grown up knowing duh thats what you do when baby cries whip out the Tuzo and give baby....what was hilarious was the guy who was in the next aisle seat when this happened his facial expression was hilarious his eyes widened and shifted gaze so fast as though he had seen a ghost dude its just boob lol....quite acting like y'all dont know...his gaze kept shifting kwanza it was the time for take off so he had to "turn his electronic device off" and had nowhere to look but shift his gaze yonder north sijui he had beads of sweat dripping down his head as all we heard was slurp slurp slurp as the little one got her drink on....So I personally do not have an issue with breast feeding in public there is a hilarious joke we crack in the house - its just like a fart - we were made to let gas out like duh where is it supposed to go....So back to the breastfeeding in public all in favor pls stand up...yes i agree at least have some decency at least a ka leso hey but when baby needs milk baby gets milk...Got Beef??

Childhood lines that stick

So the other day I was writing a what was I writing...I think an application of some kind and as I wrote I remembered a line that my mum told me when i was a little girl, "Penny you have gifted hands.." that was a line that has stuck with me up until today and has found its way to simplymequeenpen.blogspot.com...Are there lines that were said to you growing up that have stuck with you (maybe haunted you) until today....some have shaped your destiny - like anotehr of my mums favorite - I remember her sittign us down one day - I think I was barely out of high school and she looked us straight in the eye - my sister and brother and told us "You people - yeah she calls us you people- I love her...anyhu she said something like you people you know hamna mashamba like other children soo mkae mkijua.." we laughed it off at the time but I believe that line has been an integral part if my life as soon as I walked out of the green gates - Quabbz..I knew I had to work twice as hard  in everything that I did coz there was no one waiting to hand me anything.And now that I look at the amazing things that my sister has and continues to do, i think at the back of her head the line hauna mashamba keeps playing over and over...I guess as I come to the end of my run at Salem State I was reminiscing with my mum how the whole journey started I guess thats where this blog post has come from...We were remembering shoppping for warm clothes for winter in Ngara, struggling to look for a bank statement for the embassy gosh yani the I20 read annual tuition estimate plus room and board $20,000 and yet I could not afford the application fee - I remember asking my dad for the money - forty dollars I remember and he told me to wait a while - and between him and my mother they were able to com up with the money...And here I am x years later - about to graduate - I was telling someone heh me I want to have exhausted all the awards and scholarships from the school by the time am leaving.....gosh so as my journey comes to an end I can only look back in awe of Gods faithfulness, my family, Dennz - amazing people who have walked with me - picked me up when I stumbled and wanted to give up...The line thats replaying in ,my head as I write this You will never know the height of my joy until you know the depth of my sorrow...So as i wrap it up I thank my mother for childhood lines that remain engraved in my memory - well some not too great cough cough but most of them have pushed me to higher heights...

Calling a spade a spade

I remember when I was in primary and the teacher used to ask, "Class who will finish this saying call a spade a spade...?" and hands would shoot up with the answer - NOT A BIG SPOON!!! and at the time I had no idea what the saying meant I was like huh you know those primary school sayings you just knew how to complete but had no idea what they meant.Kina a rolling stone gathers no moss - what does that mean?? etc so anyhu 15 or so years later I can say today as I watch the Florida proceedings of Trayvon....lets call a spade a spade America and not a big spoon...Racism is still as obvious as the nose on my face and exactly one month ago the racist murderer who acted in "self defense" is still roaming the streets.What made me mad more than the act was the negligence with which the police force reacted to the whole thing after all its just another black kid roaming the streets...And what has even brought me the blog is reading online that Zimmerman was attacked by Trayvon who mind you looking at the pics looks half I think quarter his size - apparently he was slammed to the ground by Trayvon and his head slammed against the pavement.That he had a bleeding nose etc etc so many unanswered questions and thanks to the "stand your ground law in Florida" or whatever the heck its called he was able to shoot Trayvon and plead self defense hence was not and a month later has still not been arrested.The case has racial undertones to it and the worst is they keep stressing on his Hispanic heritage - shifting light away from his white roots.Today I even saw somwhere how now we are learning Trayvon had been suspended from school for having a baggie that contained marijuana and all these things am thinking its just trying to shift gear and bring it back to the stereotype of being a minority- I mean whether he was carrying mariujana or skittles to school the fact remains his life is just as precious as the little white / hispanic chap in the Prep school.And the worst thing is so many black young men with so much potential are born into the life of gangs and drugs that that is all they end up doing and being now to add on societies stereotyping - I mean I have a friend I remember when we just came to the States he had dreadlocks at the time and was walking down a posh suburb and am not kidding a cop pulled up beside him and asked where he was going - he did not have a car by then we were FOBs - Fresh of the Boat lol and he was going to work.I kid you not he is 100% sure someone called the cops on him looking out the window....ok am digressing my point if you have not watched Boy of Baraka you need to see it - I was crying at the end - its a project that used to take inner city at risk young black males twelve thirteen for a year in a rural area in Kenya - where they learned to read , am tellign you at twelve and learning to read, pushed them to start talkign about what they wanted to be when they grew up and my oh my after that one year they returned to Baltimore with such an ambition gosh but the program had to stop after the 9/11 attacks it was so sad as they showed the boys back in the Public School system in inner city Baltimore where the ratio of students to kids is 1:40 in a class and how after a year they were back to square oen running the streets.Here is a link its a must watch http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mwNAPbX7gM4
Okay so back to Trayvon I think the stand your grand law should be repealed and a new law implemented in Florida called the Trayvon Martin Law that has specific civil rights clauses - ok I dunno what am saying but I feel justice needs to be done...

One of my favorite lines from Tupacs song changes, "The penitentiary is packed and its filled with blacks."

Of why I love CHAI

Okay so I am finally getting blog savvy - wow the blogosphere has changed in leaps and bounds - i think I am still the only one on blogspot.com...hey but whatever...soooo.I started m little gig at CHAI - its a one day thing but every time I leave I always feel a sense of wow this is the stuff that I love - that I want to be waking up to every morning ..When I told a rommie of mine she was like mmmh ebu jichunge you know Clinton loves interns lol
So here are just a few reasons I love my one day affair at Clinton Health Access Initiative:

1.)FREE vending machines yes like the only free thing in America - no strings attached - you just go press what you want and voila VEND..yeah my name is Penny and am a vending machine junkie.
2.)The staff are so relaxed - I am a VERY laid back perosn.The thought of rigid uptightness at work freaks me out - relax its never that serious....I think one main reason is coz they are well travelled - most have lived in Africa - my immediate boss - bless her heart she is an angel lived in Benin  - tiny little country in West Africa teaching English.So I guess its true when you travel you become more exposed to new experiences, new people, and you dust off that New England aire - not sure of the spelling air or aire?? mmmmh....
3.)The men and womens bathroom sign needs to be pulled down - no one really bothers to check which one they are entering - and when I asked I was told "we are family" no one cares who is using what.
4.)Work starts after nine and oh my favorite part - you do not have to punch in - do you know how I detest punching in - I used to loathe it at a job I worked in Lowell.I feel a sense of entrapment - as though I am under someone elses clock each hour is being monitored I like workign my own hours - it could be two hours today twenty tommorrow but either way I get the job done perfectly kapsish not clock in clock out when you say ...
5.)We do not wear name tags - another of my pet peeves...again name tags remind me of the Kipande system in colonial Kenya.I know sad but true - feel as though its this huge thing being used to identify me as just another person in this huge organizaion.I would prefer no name tag which makes you go the extra mile to remember my name next time we meet at the water cooler...
6.)I have parking - no like seriously where in Boston do you get FREE parking all day I mean I love this that i can drive into Boston at a time there is no traffic park my car and walk away - no train no subway no meter fees...
7.)This should actually be up there - the work the organization is involved in is my passion project in life - promoting equal access to basic health care for those who would otherwise not afford...the travel, the groundwork, the cultures I love it!
8.)It feels good saying am an intern at the Clinton Health access Initiative - even if my sister calls my work kanda ya moko I like signing off an email with my little self acclaimed title and of course for resume building

Yeah so I love chai - no but really I do love tea...;)

Kony or Corny???

So last night - 1thirty a.m to be exact I was on face book and a video catches my eye - its an organization calling itself the Invisible Children and I had seen so much hype about it all day as it had to do with the Ugandan  rebel leader Joseph Kony adn how he was abducting children to join the LRA and how by liking the page and creating this media sensationalization Kony would be brought to his knees and trust me in a night the organization had been able to make 38 million people watch the video....- yeah you can already tell where am going with this...Initially I was like wow this is the stuff social media should be all about , this is what defines social justice, equality for all, humanity at its best etc etc..However as I went to bed my mind started doing a double take....Okay so I lived in Uganda from 2000-2003 well let me change that in between Kenya and uganda and I think this was the time the Lords Resistance Army led by rebel leader Joseph Kony and his croonies were tearing Northern Uganda apart.The little town of Gulu was a war torn zone - women were being abducted raped , children being murdered and recruited into the army wih shoot to kill orders...In short Kony wanted to take over Uganda and be president at the time - there were elections I think in 2002 if I recall and he wanted to use guerrila warfare or bette ryet stage a coup but Museveni stayed put.So the long of the short Musveni has still been in power since - ten years later - Joseph Kony retreated into the forest where he yes still runs the streets however he is very much toned down - he kind of threw in the towel....Okay fast forward March 8th 2012 the power of viral videos - ok do not get me wrong like I said this organization has done soem outstandign work bringing to light the atrocities that face(d)the people of Northern Uganda HOWEVER :

1.)The picture that has been created of Uganda is this war torn country under one man and for the (pardon my language) ignorant Westerner that is the same image that keeps being portrayed of the whole of Africa over and over again in all these relief agency commercials - as this poor nation - not even continent that cannot take care of its problems that has poor government officials who are just sitting back driving their prados eating the wealth and this same nation  needs the big bully of the world (cough cough) to intervene by getting people to "like" a video.

2.)Which is my biggest issue and actually what makes me so mad and actually brought me back to the blogosphere - the one minute euphoria and emotion that social media creates and I mean wow tommorrow somethign else will be getting us all teary-eyed.I applaud the great stuff that social media has done my goodness very good stuff however why are some stories more popular than others?Why do some videos generate more likes than others?and what happens on the ground after you and I  like and re-post the video?I think of the people who are being slaughtered in Syria DAILY - children hidding from bomb shells as I type this - why are we not so sensitized to this? why cant we say hey guys lets start a group and take down the government that is killing people.I think of the earthquake in Haiti yes we were all hyped up and raised billions and then moved on to the next story, look at the drought in Sudan - the euphoria was there for a while and then bam Kim Kardashian and her 72 hour wedding took over....my point is I do not believe in a Band-Aid approach to healing a wound - just the way they used to patch the roads in Kenya - throw ona  little tar and voila you cover up the pothole.
Instead of getting all emotional and upset for a minute, we as the international community should stop sitting back and waiting for a crisis to act - to donate, to like a video - we need to step and step in and take action as the world is bleeding.

So thats my little spill on Kony - below is a video of a lady who put it so well - such intelligence and knowledge of the subject matter - am writing from recall she is writing from the ground ..enjoy and watch the invisible children video and share your views - who knows maybe am joining the ranks of Rush Limbaugh...Its even so hilarious she says he has not been in teh country for a while - who knows maybe he is in Jamaica sipping a margarita thinking , " Mmmmh whats all this?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KLVY5jBnD-E&feature=share

Its official - Hospice nurse thanks but no thanks ;)

Part 1

wow it has taken me a while to write this post - I guess its one of those things you keep pushing and hoping it will dissapear but its keeps nagging at the bottom of your mental to-do list.So a couple of weeks back I had a new case I was assigned - a hospice end of life case.So easy breezy I go on the shift no major issues then before my Mr X goes to bed he tells me in a whisper "You know I am a DNR if anything is to happen do nothing call for help after half an hour." So there I am feeling all Ms calm oh yeah Mr X, I know you are a DNR no worries." Haiya akajifunika gave him his nasal cannula of oxygen akalala or so I thought.Fifteen min later he wakes up calls me and with a stern voice tells me, "Go get my pills on the top left hand corner of the med cabinet - bring ten of them.I want to sleep" In my head am like Oh boy another loopy old man we can deal with this Penny oh no I was in for the ride of my life.So I check the med cabinet to see what the heck he was asking for - I pull out some old container of pills called Seconal.I rack my head trying to remember what the med was for nothing comes out of my memory box but either way common sense dictates that ten of any meds is lethal.So I hold the container and tell him "Ok Mr x lets try calm down the container says just two tabs."Heh by now he had sat up his eyes wide with a steel voice "I said give me TEN pills now!!".Okay things are spiralling so his daughter is his voice of reason I get her on the phone chats with her for two minutes and as soon as he hangs up he wheels himself to the bathroom -still with the wild look in his eyes - I tell you a man on a mission cannot be stopped - apparently he had another container.Okay think think think...by now he all the pills in his hand - about ten to fifteen he starts throwing punches that I get away from him.As I reach for the call bell in the bathroom for security he pops two tabs in his mouth.Okay I try grab the rest he has an extra firm grip on them he pops another one.Okay penny this guy will overdose on your watch I had to literrally yank the rest from his hand - am telling you some Greys anatomy movie scene going on.they fell to the floor by now he was stark raving mad he picked up one - and as I wheeled him out of the bathroom am thinkin where the heck is this security when you need it!!!A minute later they come in - but by then my Mr X was starting to get delirious and drowsy he literally put himself in bed with little help from the EMTs in my head am like Oh boy what the heck is Seconal.So long of the short after they left hospice nurse came she was as clueless as I was on what Seconal was.By this time Mr X was in bed - rapid respirations, periods of apnea.So we look it up its an old time med - was used to put people to sleep for general anesthesia.Recommended dose no more than two tabs.The only difference is - in surgery they have reversal agents to get people out of anesthesia.Oh little fact I forgot to mention My Mr X was a doctor before he retired - so the brilliant doctor knew exactly what he was taking and his idea of "I want to sleep meant I REALLY wan to sleeeeeep.".So anyway long of the short he survived the night the hospice nurse called Poison Control bla bla bla bla He was asleep the whole night - the four or five pills he took knocked him out....Hospice nurse told me he did not look too good - he may not make it more than a day or two



Part 2
Two days later I was scheduled to work with Mr X - arrive on shift I was taken aback - he had deteriorated so fast his bed was in his living room - the aide who was with him the previous shift mentioned "They said he may not make it through the night." Oh boy penny what luck just on my shift.So anyhu do an assesment on him he was breathing very heavily lung sounds had crackles all fields his pulse was racing at 120-140 beats per minute.No urine output the last eight hours - bad bad signs.I remember an instructor in critical care once mentioned a racing heart is like imagining someone on a treadmill running so fast continously you can only go so fast and then you slow down and finally you stop.So the night went well -kept checking on him around two a.m actually it was like 2:10 a.m - weird I remember the exact time an eerie silence in the room - the heavy lung sounds were replaced by the oxygen humidifier.I immediately feel for a pulse - nothing.The racing heartbeat was replaced by the sound of my own.His body was still warm to the touch - I should have given a disclaimer for this posting - not suitable for the weak hearted - no pun intended.I stood beside him for a moment clutching on to the stethoscope and I took it all in - wow a few days ago I had a conversation with this man as he told me how he loved auctions and was an oncologist -
and here he was lifeless - no air going in those lungs, no blood flowing through those veins, no heart palpating that chest.And for that moment I did not even fear death I feared life itself.I feared not loving passionately, not laughing heartily,not living my life to its full potential.So I called the hospice nurse as per the protocol who came and pronounced his time of death, called the daughter, the morgue.I mean for her was a hospice nurse it was another day in the factory kinda deal but for me I watched it unfold.The morgue guys picked him - covered his still body with a sheet and zipped him up in a bag.By now the knuckles were blue and he was cold.The security locked the door behind us as per the daughters request and we left.I text my supervisor an let her know Dr. X as he was known in the office had gone peacefully and she apologized that it all happened on my shift.As I drove off at that 4am many thoughts raced through my head.I thought that wow all Dr X had by his death bed was a stranger girl from Africa.I remember an old post I wrote about in life its not the number of years you live that matter but the dash in between.How many lives have been changed by something you did or said.I watched cars drive by and in my head wondered maybe thats a father going for an early morning shift - did he make it right with his wife after the argument they had?had he fixed the bad relationship he had with his son?So moral of the story -love passionately,Jesus said it best in scripture - forgive seventy times seven times, mend broken relationships, laugh often, share, show kindness,a missionary lady said somethign profound, "Love until it hurts."

Okay so this is by far the looongest blog posting I have posted...On other pick me up news I got a Spring Internship at the Clinton Health Access Initiative.I want to have a feel of global health - yeah random.But am sure it will be a fun experience - meeting new people etc...okay through the window babie its 1 thirty a.m as usual my late night blogging dates ;).On other news see you at the Super bowl - New England made it !!!

Something new Something BORROWED ;)

Well so Face book is not full of too much junk I woke up to this amazing quote - I think I try to live by this mantra - I try not to take things personally - well most of the time - ova I hope it keeps me young...


There is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you take nothing personally. You become immune to black magicians, and no spell can affect you regardless of how strong it may be.The whole world can gossip about you,and if you don’t take it personally you are immune. Someone can intentionally send emotional poison, and if you don’t ... take it personally, you will not eat it.When you don’t take the emotional poison, it becomes even worse in thesender, but not in you…As you make a habit of not taking anything personally,you won’t need to place your trust in what others do or say. You will only need to trust yourself to make responsible choices. You are never responsible for the actions of others; you are only responsible for you. When you truly understand this, and refuse to take things personally, you can hardlybe hurt by the careless comments or actions of others...

Of Disney and childhood

Okay so yeah its one a.m as usual am up - sigh the perils of late nigth blogging...So anyhu Beauty and the Beast is out on big screen - in 3d...Lion King was out a few months ago...okay so one of two things - either movie sales are at a record low and they are trying to rake in some quick cash - coz trust me they are always sold out on openign night - or two these are just timeless classics - I will stick with timeless classics.coz for real thats what they are.Well lemme say growing up Disney cartoons were like our daily bread.We had mastered all the songs - liek word for word to Aladdin, Little mermaid it was ridiculous - well I guess we had no Iphones or face book.So in memory o fteh timeless classics - here are links that I think only my sister, Astou, Leon and Tyrone will appreciate teh first hit
A whoel new world http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kl4hJ4j48s&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=blW7MNm0FLU - OMG it was mad ein 1989
and finally http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_lp1vEs5A4&feature=endscreen&NR=1
oh one final one http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wEzfWpGahng