Are we square??

So today I went last minute shopping and by last minute I mean exactly that for christmas things here and there with my school study buddy.The malls were so packed we mainly were in the clothing stores as she is leaving for Uganda soon hence she needs the sphagetti strap tops etc...So anyway as we were picking out and trying different clothes its amazign how our personaliies were being revealed by the type of clothes that we chose...Hers were more flashy muti coloured and I as usual - am saying usual coz this not the first time am shopping with someone and I end up going for either black or white coloured clothes yeah I know yawn yawn...thats me right there - the more conservative laid back not too calling attire.So anyway my friend got so fed up with me she was like oh my goodness Penny why are you so square??and I go like huh???she is like you need to be flexible in yoru choice...hey trust me everyoen in my family esp my mum and my sister know me and shopping especially for clothes - I am the worst - put me in a book store and I will be the best company...So anyway her statement was really interesting - why am I so square so predictable so unchanging....so my friend was like at least with you pickign black and white it shows my personality am either here or here no in betweens..But later i got to thinking wow a square....so rigid so firm can only go so far with a square...but to think of being described as a circle well wow with a circle its endless its flexible a circle hs breathing space - am thinking abstarctly now work with me here...so thats me the square...what are you ??

She just did not say that

Ok so every Tuesday I volunteer at Beverly Hospital in the endo unit- and oh they surprised me the other day with a barnes and noble gift card - which I am so excited about - I love reading - just getting through to the end of the book is my biggest challenge lol.But hey schools out now so I will have more time on my hands,Speakign of school this semester grades really suck I have Bs can you imagine that - Bs!!!but hey it was such a great semseter in terms of the learnign experience..I was not in class just to get the A grade - wow I can conjugate Spanish verbs - actually I was driving the other day and saw a Spanish billboard and was able to translate the whole thing I was so proud of my Spanish class.Oh and then in my abnormal psych class I have garnered a ton of info on diagnoses from bipolar to schizophrenia to paranoia wow i think its a class i can retake....so anyway thats wnough about that.Oh so what was I saying - as usual I divert again so yes volunteering at Beverly hospital.Oh yeah so the other day I was doing my usual rounds I hear one of the nurses takign a health history and she asks the patient , "Any cultural and / religious affiliations we need to be aware of before we do the procedure?" and the lady goes like ,"Oh am an atheist."The nurse even had to restate the question oh thats not what I mean I ,ean in terms of food preferences to culture etc...so anyway the patients answer really threw me off.Not only is it two days to the birth of the saviour but this woman does not believe in his father or the Holy trinity for that matter.I dont know what feelings I felt as I walked away from this ladys bed was it anger? desbelief? sadness that somene ...well people out there do not beleive that there is a God and He exists??Or could the lady have gone through a situation in her life that made her doubt the existience of the father..wow to not beleive in God now that I think about it has such a domino effect.It also implies lack of faith , lack of hope but most important not experiencing the love of the father...gosh that love that He sent His only son that every day that I live I know whose I live for whose I serve and wher I find my being and everlasting life.Gosh the joy from knowing that his love is unconditional unwavering ..oh my and to hear the lady say I am an atheist ripped my heart out...and as usual I run to my comfort zone simplyme-queenpen.blogspot.com for refuge.

Fun at white mountains

So this weekend I was up in white mountains with a group of friends
we had such a lovely time - and I am the self declared taboo champion he hehe - thats vanity at its highest.No but seriously my arm is still sore from all the falling - we were all firat time skiiers well I was and the instructor was so crazy...imagine falling and he is there yelling , "Are you chickening out??you chicken???and poof there you go on the floor and then he refuses to help you up can you imagine it felt like we were in some Iraq boot camp training...but hey he made the xperience memorable...But wow it was so great we were 18 of us - can you imagine that it was some mini big brother goin on....here are some pics to pore over...

Whats the difference?

Yeah so whats the difference between blanco y negro..hey how will you know I am taking a Spanish class.So anyhu whats the difference between black or white??does my skin colour determine who I am on the inside??When the singer Pink was asked how she came up with the name Pink she said "hey whether your black or white it dont matter we all pink on the inside." There was a documentary on NPR a few days ago about the Spanish population thats is infiltrating all corners of America.Before it was Oh ok yeah El Paso, Texas is where you go if you looking for some Quesadillas or Tacos but now when you make a call am sure in a year or so it will be "press one for Spanish two for English." So anyway the main topic of discussion was so what are the Spanish are they black or they white or neither??and is Spanish becoming the new minorty.In my opinion I think Spaniards are becoming the new majority.And trust me inititally I used to hear Spain..images of dancing the Marengue and riding a boat on the Rio came to mind but wow the diversity of the Spanish speakign world is immense - Puerto Ricans , Dominicans , Hondurans , Argentina..its endless and guess where they have found their melting pot - the land of milk and honey - America!!!....The other day at the bank some teller was having a heck of a hard time explaining the opening of a bank account and the lady responds in Spanish and I hear the teller say "Sorry I do not speak Spanish"so what is America or Americans going to do with the rising Spanish population...will we choose to still consider this ethnicity a minority and not account for its diversity or will we assimilate the culture and begin wearing sombreros to work...ok am drifting yet again from my mainpoint what was it???oh so whats the difference if am black white ..oh I know what brouught me here yes today someone said something and it got me thinking mmmh???they must have been having a Freudian moment it was something to the extent "Same difference between nigger and negro." Wow as much as I hate to admit and I really do not think the word negro conjures up any emotions in me of slavery or what not that phrase there I was surprised how hard it hit home...For this person in there oWn little mind still has the association of the word nigger with someone or something ( who knows) thats below the ground they walk on.Whether they say nigger or negro to them it all means the same thing the online dictionary I quote "a member of a humankind native to Africa classified according to physical features - sometimes offensive???" end quote...I think they need to get rid of the last part sometimes offensive and paraphrase it to read previously offensive.I mean in this day and age well maybe its coz I was raised in a family that had no glass ceileings especially owing to teh fact that we are three girls and one boy - a family that understood that black or white its whats on the inside that counts.I think its time that we reach that point in our personal and proffesional lives where we look at the contents and not the container before we speak before we label and more so before we draw conclusions...

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. .."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.
Martin Luther King Jnr.

The end of an era

Wow I have just received such heart renching news I think I am still reeling in shock...wow...after three years of getting to know one of the best friends I will ever have in this lifetime I have just found out she is leaving the country "for now" as she put it....I have mixed emotions I kind of expected it but when the reality hits home....when its here in my face is when I have stopped and begun reminiscing on all the good times we had ...wow Priscilla and I have seen the valleys and the mountains together...From gossiping in the hallways at Lhcc to Orlando madness to Ellie Wellie to Dexter,Subs at Quiznos on Sunday, wine on New Years dancing to Beyonce in pyjams..omg my eyes are already clouding up..Prisc has seen me grow emotionally and (physically) I have seen her in her worst of days when things in life did not make sense to her, she walked me through tough relationships gosh this has been my girl my person in America.You know that one person who has your back no matter what no matter when oh gosh this will be a change...The beauty of it all is I know she is going for gold her future is too bright she is one of those birds Maya Angelou says that just cant be caged.Wow I will miss you chica....

In a heartbeat

A couple of days ago ...oh wait Happy Thanksgiving!!!Its the turkey day again..ok back to that in a while.So anyway a couple of days ago I was watching Dancing with the Stars - and the final perfomers I have watched them grow over the season and trust me - it has been a very long season - about three months straight....So anyhu Mya was constantly brilliant over the season - week after week she showcased not only her talent but stopped at nothing to pull the strings in her performances getting ten out of ten.So anyhu in comes the final round and there she is in the top two - it was either her or some other guy to win and eventualy it went to the other guy.Just like that in a heartbeat the whole season of practice and training and even more training ended just like that in less that five seconds she came in second place....Then I got some bad news from a friend of mine - who has had the year from hell I can say on Tuesday - more bad news for her.... just when the road map was beginning to take shape in a heartbeat it all came crashing down again.So the moral of my little moment is it only takes a heartbeat for the course of life to change.In a heartbeat things can go from bad to worse.In a heartbeat you can scratch that ticket and win a million bucks.In a heartbeat , a word is said or an action taken that turns the table upside down.I think life is made of mini heartbeats - I think I have written about this before , that tiny moment that upsets or calms the ship...So anyhu its the festive season again - tommorrow is Black Friday and I was htinking to myslef mmmh It would be fun for a change to go for one of thse gold rush 4 a.m shopping spress - too bad am working until 9 by the time I get there all the good stuff will have gone.So on another note its time to be thankful gosh where do I begin even with where or how I am thankful.First and most important to the reason for my being the big G up there -He has watched over and guided me this year gosh opened doors in my personal spiritual and financial life - I am mega grateful that I know whose I am.I am thankful for the gift of love this year - has moved me to greater heights and someone to share it with, family - I love my family to pieces - we have the like the most drama in the house and yet we laugh it all of over a glass of wine,friendship,health ,being able to have a listening ear it has just been a great year - and 2010 looks even more promising!!!

The earth has ears...

Oh my goodness the theorist of the Nursing programme at my school is Martha Rodgers who based her principle on nurse client relationship and the energy that circulates in the earth.In short the earth has a set amount of energy - that is flowing from person to person from earth to person and person to earth - am I loosing you work with me here...What you put out there is what the earth and other people feed off and it what you get in return...ok in connecyion to that..I have the best proffesor for my research class - she is always expounding on the Rogers theory of energy and it makes so much sense to me after today.Loris version is that the earth actually "hears" and responds to our demands there are so many suggestions she throws out there that have worked e.g writing what you want in bold and stickign it on your wall - if its that ninety you want on the next exam write out a huge fat 90 on a manilla card , she tells us of the author of the chicken soup series - the year before he wrote his first book he wrote out a huge dummy check to himself for 1 million and stuck it on his desk - the next year his Chicken soup for the soul sold 900,000 worth.Before an exam Lori tells us write even on you hand in small print the grade you want to achieve whether its a C or an A write it out on your wrist.So where am going with this is that your surroundings hear and see everything that your projecting you will want your business to succeed , instead of saying gosh what if my business fails - the earth hears business and fail in one sentence, you could be setting yourself up for disaster.You want to pass that exam say I want to get an A in that exam avoid statements such as what if I flunk that exam?the earth will pick up on the exam and fail and boom....
So anyway back to me and today I really wanted an A on the spanish exam so i wrote a mini A on the palm of my hand and trust you me that A kept bbringing me back in focus when I was going astray in the exam .Actually it gave me so much confidence by the end of the exam I was sure I had doen well.So will let you know if Loris theory work sor its a bunch of bologne butreally I knwo its a fact - energy is all around us.Dont you feel when you are around certain people there is just so much good energy they are letting off you actually feel empowered when you are near them,.Then there are those people who when you are around you actually feel they are draining you - OMG this starts a whole new discussion right here.Yes so the world is a ball of SET energy there is no more energy that will be addedd and it will nto eb taken away whats there is there.We have to try and balance out our own energy to have more positive than negative energy around us - have I lost you today am getting all sci fi and stuff he he he

Crossroads...

It comes a time in all our lives
when we reach a point we have to choose
Yonder left to follow our ambitions - selfish to say the least
or yonder right of a promise and hope with the one that we love.
Torn between the two with time not on our side
we stand at the crossroads and have to decide.
But should they love us as they say they do
are they not bound by that same love to see us through??
They say love is a sacrifice
but in a sacrifice is it ever really fair
I stand at the crossroads I have to choose.

scehdule or programmed life???

So the other day as I was driving home for work I had a moment of deja Vu almost bringing my car to a screeching halt.So I look ahead and see the red brake lights of the train blinking...and sure enough a second later the train comes bounding down the tracks...I was like OMG this was the exact same place I was last week and the lights came on at this exact same time and the train came down the tracks...and it got me thinking how life here can get so programmed.I was thinking the other day its so easy to stalk someone coz you can easily track someones movements and schedules in this place even the same place I parked my car last Saturday is where it is now - creepy but true.We well let me say I hide under this mirage of "schedules" and work and school that life ceases to be life anyomre instead it becomes this huge chore that needs to be completed.What happened to the era of spontaienityand not knowing what tommorow will hold?And not knowing if the fetus is a boy or a girl?I know its good to plan and strategize but let life be like a river and go with the flow.....ok am dotting....Oh my globe trotting sister is in Namibia now with mummy am so happy for her she deserves it ova key not speaker at some event way to go girl!!!!!!!!!!!!

Commitophobia...

Aaagh am raving mad - and not only that I have insomnia - so where do I go when I have all the pent up emotions - I remeber mmmh I have a little world down here called a blog.So here I am at quarter to one on a Thursday morning....and tryign to figure out why some men have commitophobia syndrome....Yes thats what I want to call it.I was trying to play match maker two weeks ago -and it has backfired in my face all because men want to eat their cake and have it.A good lady the real home maker - the real deal - cooks cleans edcuated funny smart oH my the lsi t is endless and ready to have a pack of brats and settle down and here comes Mr X who I know has been looking for a wife since I met him two years ago.So I have a little E = mC 2 moment and try hook them up then suddenly Mr x starts feedign me all this krap oh you know for the next two years I am focusing on my engineering school and I may not be ready to give her what she wants and bl abla bla so i ask myself why are some men scared of commitmet.Wgen push coems to shove some men cannot either take the responsibility or the pressure or both - or is it justs selfishness.Haiya maybe thats the reason OMg light bulb light bulb coz to commit requires you giving up a part of you to someone else - being ready to shelve soem of your selfish ambitions as you adjust to someone elses desires.Or wait could it be fear?Are the commitophobics scared to give up the familiar life they knew of wham-bam-thank you maam - no heart breaks no promises no I will call you to see how your day is?either way as they say face your fears and they will dissapear Mr X could have at least even offered to meet My certain Ms Y - oh well another one bites the dust back to the drawing board .

Work Hard, Play hard and Love Hard - Sigmund Freud

Memoirs of a Geisha

Aagh thumbs up for Memoirs of a Geisha the book am reading on one of the top 20 Geisha - though she claims she was not - in Kyoto.Oh wow where do I even start with descrbing a Geisha and the extent to which her alluring charm extends.At first I thought well they ar just the Japanese version of an Amsterdam hooker but OMG am on page 108 of the book and am thinking mmmhh they not too bad after all....here is a link you can read more http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geisha but when and if you can I urge you to get the book and be tranported into the life of traditional Japan

East - West Coast Tour

So oneof these fine days right before my summer class ended Iwas sittign in class and thinking to myself hey summer has come and gone really fast and summer is not summer without me going out of state.So there I went straight to expedia.com and bought a return ticket to Carli a month ago - made a few phone calls - but do I say!!!and last week Monday I was lucky enough to be travesring the lands from the East to the West Coast.I got Virgin america which wa snot too bad - save for the AC that killed me softly and I got the darn aisle seat - thats the first thing I always look for when I get my boarding pass so 6 hours of staring at the screen flipping channels - oh they have very excellent in flight entertainment - very interactive - BUT...they only serve drinks free - everythign else you buy...can you imagine the nerve???6hours and all I get are liquids so I got there starving like crazy but was mad excited to see the LAX sign at th airport - it had been on my "Hve-to-sees list" for the longest while.so my "cousin" - in quotes coz am not really sure his connection with my m mum - oh well we family..and I drive dwon downtown L.A - very very beautiful - gosh Boston pales in comparison and i pass my other "to see" - The Staples Center - by now I was gaping like crazy...l
So I passed out as soon as we go thome - no wait this was after i had some cereal - being the bachelor he is that was all I could get my hungry stomach to eat...So anyway let me schem over things Wed met a friend I had not seen in eons - we went o to PRIMARY can you say PRIMARy school together - still has his gulley dimples - so he offerred to take the whole day off to take me round LA - we did the full tour - Hollywood sign , down Walk of Fame - saw all the stars names engraved on the path then Beverly hills yes like the real Beverly Hills - these mega houses its ridiculous - I think I have a pic or two I will put up.Walking down Beverly Hills was almost surreal esp Rodeo Drive where the "celebs" do all their shopping - there is this carefree atmosphere - you know the kind that money aint a thing the air is even a bit fresh - or is it me just being paranoid??then we went down Venic Beach which has wite sand - well kinda white - has nothign on the Tampa beach in Florida...then we did UCLA campus - saw the hospital where MJ was flown in immediately like the whole day I had to keep remindign myself Penny your in Carli it was an excellent experience.Thursday was chilled out - went to see my aunt Joyce after spending most of my day with my "cousins" traversing the lads from Bellflower to Azusa back to Bellflower - bangign deals with cars - so had dinner at Aunt Joyce little catchign up in short the trip was just that - short and sweet - and I love dit love di tlove dit.I was almost calling in sick for work - but I have done that a couple of times recently thanks to summer and all its plans and there are a few engagements I will be attending the next comign weekends before school opens soon.Speakign of which did I mentin school opens soon and as usual I am raring to go - the first semester my tuition is clear by the first day - yeah I know sad - lol one of my many challenges - but so far so good!!!

No excuses no apologies but am back!!!!!!!!

Ok so back to business...I have just seen somwhere it is good to dissapear for a while when you come back you always have a story to tell...So here I am gosh where do I begin - maybe with the most important story of my life since I was last here....I fell in love - yes return your jaw back up......well realized that I have been in love all this time with my best friend , soulmate and other half...It has been quite the journey from 2006 up until now he has walked me through my bad share of relationships , scolded me when I went astray and just been the voice of reason in my life for the past almost three years in September.So yes thats me - and its funny at first the regular cliche dating your best friend is disastrous made me hold back but trust me it has been so great - I mean its familiar territory we know each other inside out - even in the tone of a text I can tell his mood - yeah its that bad!!!
Ok other than that the music legendary MJ passed away - yes after half a century of touching peoples lives through the gift of music and dance he had a higher calling and left.Ummmmm what else what else guess this is it for today - as usual the first blogs after a while are always shallow but trust me I am back with a bang............and cupid so maybe the tone of my writing may change - somewhat - will see

Men = Cars

Okay so I got a new car which my best friend and I baptized "Rania" - Dennis you feel me??its a Honda Accord - I had some silly junk before that brought me such hell was falling apart like seriously - I felt like I was building Nissan a new car - I had to replace the convertor then the alternator get a new battery then what broke the camels back was last week the Meineke people tell me lady you are crazy driving that car its shaft is half out - apparently that holds the wheel in place .Basically I have learnt so many parts of a car its ridiculous..so anyway Rania runs well I have no complaints...So anyway it was quite a hell of a time looking for a car and along the way I had a mini Eureka moment..Looking for a car is like looking for a man.At first when you set out you have all these ideal qualities in mind - actually I was bent on getting a Rav 4 at the beginning.The first time I was looking for a car I remember the first thing I rushed to was the radio - how loud are the speakers , then looking for a sun roof are there leather seats- was oblivious to the fact that the silly car had 140 k miles , the engine was collapsing I was focusing on superficial stuff!!!Questions such as how does the engine run , whats the mileage on thecar , is the check engine light on bla bla bla bla..The same applies with the quest for a man.Initially you have these fantasies of Mr perfect - cute dimples,6 pack,tall dark but as time wanes face value of a car is not enough.Metaphorically , we need to see how does that engine run - how good is this guys heart , whats the mileage on this car - has this guy been around the block one too many times?is the check engine light on - are there red flags we need to be looking at? so anyway yeah that was just a tit bit...oh yeah so I also moved to my new place in Salem - i love it so much though parkign is a such a problem - I already have a ticket and got towed today whats up with that???so yeah I love the witch city or rather I love the environment that I live - its so next to school and school is my joy and am glad to be away from Lowell - I honestly felt stagnated for a while..so am now in the witch city and its next to the water front and oh i love it!!

To Fear or not to Fear.....that is the question

Happy Happy new Year....its sounds cliche by now but just for kicks sake let me say it again Happy New Year!!!they were interviewing passer bys in New York this mornign with one simple question "Give me one word to describe 2008? soem of the responses - turbulent , crazy , hopeful bla bla bla....thethe list is endless..2008 for me I think was a year of discovery.I felt like a researcher on the History Channel - exploring avenues in my life , endevouring out of state - ok just to D.C - meeting new people but most important I was glad to be part of history being made on November 4th 2008...who can ever forget "On this day in this defining moment because of what we did, change has come to America." - Obama
On another different but related note I am sad to say that I THINK mark my words THINK that the prevailing feeling behind everyones head is a sense of fear.In 20 days Obama moves to White House though but there is just an impending feeling that is going unvoiced with regard to the general state of things in the country and in the globe as a whole.It does not help that the Gaza strip is making headlines again with the Palestinians up in arms against the Israelis.they begun their year with bloodshed and fighting prompting the international community to shift focus from Wall Street to Bulawayo in Zimbabwe to the Gaza strip.
aside from the political unrest abroad the constant reminder in the media everyday of the worsening economy - I was driving by Linens and Things in NH and I see Huge blowout sale - going out of business and I thought are you serious even Linens and things??From the auto makers to the mortgage situation - banks are holding on to assets that have negative equity , to job insecurity I can go on and on - which I know is sadly not a way to start my blogging year.But you know what we have to constantly remind ourselves Nothing and I repeat Nothing last forever.things may seem bleak up ahead but if we loose sight of where we are going and how we will get there is when the situation will get the best of us... They say tough times do not last but tough people do.Let us master our fear before it masters us and besides it is fear of the unknown - we do not know if we are living in the end times , we do not know how long the economic situation will last , we do not know if God is testing us , we do not know if the Obama administration will provide a quick fix but all we do know is it is always darkest before dawn.I was telling a good friend of mine the other day who has so much going on and is trying to make sense out of everything that something big is about to happen in her life she just doesnt know it yet.I have seen it happen to two people so close to my heart - things were so bad that hope was the only option and just when they were on their last breath of strength - the miracle came.With every situation in life God has to push you to your limit - so down that the only way to go is back up...so America and the world - God is not done with you yet . so I just checked my grades for last semester - I was so proud of myself coz for real I was so engrossed with mum and adis visit I did not fully exert myself in my books.Another exciting thing I have just received an update from One World Youth Project - am excited about the retreat in July - am pushing for California as a venue and what else is exciting is things are shaping up - the general direction that the NGO is taking is so exciting the possibilities are endless am so happy for Jess - the founder - she is such a go getter inspires me to get off my lazy butt...check out the website here http://www.oneworldyouthproject.org/..ok my shoulders hurt i need a massage asap...Its two in the morning going to catch a movie - The other Boleyn girl.....
Through the window..