Simply Deep: January 2012

Part 1

wow it has taken me a while to write this post - I guess its one of those things you keep pushing and hoping it will dissapear but its keeps nagging at the bottom of your mental to-do list.So a couple of weeks back I had a new case I was assigned - a hospice end of life case.So easy breezy I go on the shift no major issues then before my Mr X goes to bed he tells me in a whisper "You know I am a DNR if anything is to happen do nothing call for help after half an hour." So there I am feeling all Ms calm oh yeah Mr X, I know you are a DNR no worries." Haiya akajifunika gave him his nasal cannula of oxygen akalala or so I thought.Fifteen min later he wakes up calls me and with a stern voice tells me, "Go get my pills on the top left hand corner of the med cabinet - bring ten of them.I want to sleep" In my head am like Oh boy another loopy old man we can deal with this Penny oh no I was in for the ride of my life.So I check the med cabinet to see what the heck he was asking for - I pull out some old container of pills called Seconal.I rack my head trying to remember what the med was for nothing comes out of my memory box but either way common sense dictates that ten of any meds is lethal.So I hold the container and tell him "Ok Mr x lets try calm down the container says just two tabs."Heh by now he had sat up his eyes wide with a steel voice "I said give me TEN pills now!!".Okay things are spiralling so his daughter is his voice of reason I get her on the phone chats with her for two minutes and as soon as he hangs up he wheels himself to the bathroom -still with the wild look in his eyes - I tell you a man on a mission cannot be stopped - apparently he had another container.Okay think think think...by now he all the pills in his hand - about ten to fifteen he starts throwing punches that I get away from him.As I reach for the call bell in the bathroom for security he pops two tabs in his mouth.Okay I try grab the rest he has an extra firm grip on them he pops another one.Okay penny this guy will overdose on your watch I had to literrally yank the rest from his hand - am telling you some Greys anatomy movie scene going on.they fell to the floor by now he was stark raving mad he picked up one - and as I wheeled him out of the bathroom am thinkin where the heck is this security when you need it!!!A minute later they come in - but by then my Mr X was starting to get delirious and drowsy he literally put himself in bed with little help from the EMTs in my head am like Oh boy what the heck is Seconal.So long of the short after they left hospice nurse came she was as clueless as I was on what Seconal was.By this time Mr X was in bed - rapid respirations, periods of apnea.So we look it up its an old time med - was used to put people to sleep for general anesthesia.Recommended dose no more than two tabs.The only difference is - in surgery they have reversal agents to get people out of anesthesia.Oh little fact I forgot to mention My Mr X was a doctor before he retired - so the brilliant doctor knew exactly what he was taking and his idea of "I want to sleep meant I REALLY wan to sleeeeeep.".So anyway long of the short he survived the night the hospice nurse called Poison Control bla bla bla bla He was asleep the whole night - the four or five pills he took knocked him out....Hospice nurse told me he did not look too good - he may not make it more than a day or two

Part 2
Two days later I was scheduled to work with Mr X - arrive on shift I was taken aback - he had deteriorated so fast his bed was in his living room - the aide who was with him the previous shift mentioned "They said he may not make it through the night." Oh boy penny what luck just on my shift.So anyhu do an assesment on him he was breathing very heavily lung sounds had crackles all fields his pulse was racing at 120-140 beats per minute.No urine output the last eight hours - bad bad signs.I remember an instructor in critical care once mentioned a racing heart is like imagining someone on a treadmill running so fast continously you can only go so fast and then you slow down and finally you stop.So the night went well -kept checking on him around two a.m actually it was like 2:10 a.m - weird I remember the exact time an eerie silence in the room - the heavy lung sounds were replaced by the oxygen humidifier.I immediately feel for a pulse - nothing.The racing heartbeat was replaced by the sound of my own.His body was still warm to the touch - I should have given a disclaimer for this posting - not suitable for the weak hearted - no pun intended.I stood beside him for a moment clutching on to the stethoscope and I took it all in - wow a few days ago I had a conversation with this man as he told me how he loved auctions and was an oncologist -
and here he was lifeless - no air going in those lungs, no blood flowing through those veins, no heart palpating that chest.And for that moment I did not even fear death I feared life itself.I feared not loving passionately, not laughing heartily,not living my life to its full potential.So I called the hospice nurse as per the protocol who came and pronounced his time of death, called the daughter, the morgue.I mean for her was a hospice nurse it was another day in the factory kinda deal but for me I watched it unfold.The morgue guys picked him - covered his still body with a sheet and zipped him up in a bag.By now the knuckles were blue and he was cold.The security locked the door behind us as per the daughters request and we left.I text my supervisor an let her know Dr. X as he was known in the office had gone peacefully and she apologized that it all happened on my shift.As I drove off at that 4am many thoughts raced through my head.I thought that wow all Dr X had by his death bed was a stranger girl from Africa.I remember an old post I wrote about in life its not the number of years you live that matter but the dash in between.How many lives have been changed by something you did or said.I watched cars drive by and in my head wondered maybe thats a father going for an early morning shift - did he make it right with his wife after the argument they had?had he fixed the bad relationship he had with his son?So moral of the story -love passionately,Jesus said it best in scripture - forgive seventy times seven times, mend broken relationships, laugh often, share, show kindness,a missionary lady said somethign profound, "Love until it hurts."

Okay so this is by far the looongest blog posting I have posted...On other pick me up news I got a Spring Internship at the Clinton Health Access Initiative.I want to have a feel of global health - yeah random.But am sure it will be a fun experience - meeting new people etc...okay through the window babie its 1 thirty a.m as usual my late night blogging dates ;).On other news see you at the Super bowl - New England made it !!!

Well so Face book is not full of too much junk I woke up to this amazing quote - I think I try to live by this mantra - I try not to take things personally - well most of the time - ova I hope it keeps me young...

There is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you take nothing personally. You become immune to black magicians, and no spell can affect you regardless of how strong it may be.The whole world can gossip about you,and if you don’t take it personally you are immune. Someone can intentionally send emotional poison, and if you don’t ... take it personally, you will not eat it.When you don’t take the emotional poison, it becomes even worse in thesender, but not in you…As you make a habit of not taking anything personally,you won’t need to place your trust in what others do or say. You will only need to trust yourself to make responsible choices. You are never responsible for the actions of others; you are only responsible for you. When you truly understand this, and refuse to take things personally, you can hardlybe hurt by the careless comments or actions of others...

Simply Deep

Monday, January 30, 2012

Its official - Hospice nurse thanks but no thanks ;)

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Something new Something BORROWED ;)

Monday, January 16, 2012

Of Disney and childhood

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