Calling a spade a spade

I remember when I was in primary and the teacher used to ask, "Class who will finish this saying call a spade a spade...?" and hands would shoot up with the answer - NOT A BIG SPOON!!! and at the time I had no idea what the saying meant I was like huh you know those primary school sayings you just knew how to complete but had no idea what they meant.Kina a rolling stone gathers no moss - what does that mean?? etc so anyhu 15 or so years later I can say today as I watch the Florida proceedings of Trayvon....lets call a spade a spade America and not a big spoon...Racism is still as obvious as the nose on my face and exactly one month ago the racist murderer who acted in "self defense" is still roaming the streets.What made me mad more than the act was the negligence with which the police force reacted to the whole thing after all its just another black kid roaming the streets...And what has even brought me the blog is reading online that Zimmerman was attacked by Trayvon who mind you looking at the pics looks half I think quarter his size - apparently he was slammed to the ground by Trayvon and his head slammed against the pavement.That he had a bleeding nose etc etc so many unanswered questions and thanks to the "stand your ground law in Florida" or whatever the heck its called he was able to shoot Trayvon and plead self defense hence was not and a month later has still not been arrested.The case has racial undertones to it and the worst is they keep stressing on his Hispanic heritage - shifting light away from his white roots.Today I even saw somwhere how now we are learning Trayvon had been suspended from school for having a baggie that contained marijuana and all these things am thinking its just trying to shift gear and bring it back to the stereotype of being a minority- I mean whether he was carrying mariujana or skittles to school the fact remains his life is just as precious as the little white / hispanic chap in the Prep school.And the worst thing is so many black young men with so much potential are born into the life of gangs and drugs that that is all they end up doing and being now to add on societies stereotyping - I mean I have a friend I remember when we just came to the States he had dreadlocks at the time and was walking down a posh suburb and am not kidding a cop pulled up beside him and asked where he was going - he did not have a car by then we were FOBs - Fresh of the Boat lol and he was going to work.I kid you not he is 100% sure someone called the cops on him looking out the window....ok am digressing my point if you have not watched Boy of Baraka you need to see it - I was crying at the end - its a project that used to take inner city at risk young black males twelve thirteen for a year in a rural area in Kenya - where they learned to read , am tellign you at twelve and learning to read, pushed them to start talkign about what they wanted to be when they grew up and my oh my after that one year they returned to Baltimore with such an ambition gosh but the program had to stop after the 9/11 attacks it was so sad as they showed the boys back in the Public School system in inner city Baltimore where the ratio of students to kids is 1:40 in a class and how after a year they were back to square oen running the streets.Here is a link its a must watch http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mwNAPbX7gM4
Okay so back to Trayvon I think the stand your grand law should be repealed and a new law implemented in Florida called the Trayvon Martin Law that has specific civil rights clauses - ok I dunno what am saying but I feel justice needs to be done...

One of my favorite lines from Tupacs song changes, "The penitentiary is packed and its filled with blacks."

Of why I love CHAI

Okay so I am finally getting blog savvy - wow the blogosphere has changed in leaps and bounds - i think I am still the only one on blogspot.com...hey but whatever...soooo.I started m little gig at CHAI - its a one day thing but every time I leave I always feel a sense of wow this is the stuff that I love - that I want to be waking up to every morning ..When I told a rommie of mine she was like mmmh ebu jichunge you know Clinton loves interns lol
So here are just a few reasons I love my one day affair at Clinton Health Access Initiative:

1.)FREE vending machines yes like the only free thing in America - no strings attached - you just go press what you want and voila VEND..yeah my name is Penny and am a vending machine junkie.
2.)The staff are so relaxed - I am a VERY laid back perosn.The thought of rigid uptightness at work freaks me out - relax its never that serious....I think one main reason is coz they are well travelled - most have lived in Africa - my immediate boss - bless her heart she is an angel lived in Benin  - tiny little country in West Africa teaching English.So I guess its true when you travel you become more exposed to new experiences, new people, and you dust off that New England aire - not sure of the spelling air or aire?? mmmmh....
3.)The men and womens bathroom sign needs to be pulled down - no one really bothers to check which one they are entering - and when I asked I was told "we are family" no one cares who is using what.
4.)Work starts after nine and oh my favorite part - you do not have to punch in - do you know how I detest punching in - I used to loathe it at a job I worked in Lowell.I feel a sense of entrapment - as though I am under someone elses clock each hour is being monitored I like workign my own hours - it could be two hours today twenty tommorrow but either way I get the job done perfectly kapsish not clock in clock out when you say ...
5.)We do not wear name tags - another of my pet peeves...again name tags remind me of the Kipande system in colonial Kenya.I know sad but true - feel as though its this huge thing being used to identify me as just another person in this huge organizaion.I would prefer no name tag which makes you go the extra mile to remember my name next time we meet at the water cooler...
6.)I have parking - no like seriously where in Boston do you get FREE parking all day I mean I love this that i can drive into Boston at a time there is no traffic park my car and walk away - no train no subway no meter fees...
7.)This should actually be up there - the work the organization is involved in is my passion project in life - promoting equal access to basic health care for those who would otherwise not afford...the travel, the groundwork, the cultures I love it!
8.)It feels good saying am an intern at the Clinton Health access Initiative - even if my sister calls my work kanda ya moko I like signing off an email with my little self acclaimed title and of course for resume building

Yeah so I love chai - no but really I do love tea...;)

Kony or Corny???

So last night - 1thirty a.m to be exact I was on face book and a video catches my eye - its an organization calling itself the Invisible Children and I had seen so much hype about it all day as it had to do with the Ugandan  rebel leader Joseph Kony adn how he was abducting children to join the LRA and how by liking the page and creating this media sensationalization Kony would be brought to his knees and trust me in a night the organization had been able to make 38 million people watch the video....- yeah you can already tell where am going with this...Initially I was like wow this is the stuff social media should be all about , this is what defines social justice, equality for all, humanity at its best etc etc..However as I went to bed my mind started doing a double take....Okay so I lived in Uganda from 2000-2003 well let me change that in between Kenya and uganda and I think this was the time the Lords Resistance Army led by rebel leader Joseph Kony and his croonies were tearing Northern Uganda apart.The little town of Gulu was a war torn zone - women were being abducted raped , children being murdered and recruited into the army wih shoot to kill orders...In short Kony wanted to take over Uganda and be president at the time - there were elections I think in 2002 if I recall and he wanted to use guerrila warfare or bette ryet stage a coup but Museveni stayed put.So the long of the short Musveni has still been in power since - ten years later - Joseph Kony retreated into the forest where he yes still runs the streets however he is very much toned down - he kind of threw in the towel....Okay fast forward March 8th 2012 the power of viral videos - ok do not get me wrong like I said this organization has done soem outstandign work bringing to light the atrocities that face(d)the people of Northern Uganda HOWEVER :

1.)The picture that has been created of Uganda is this war torn country under one man and for the (pardon my language) ignorant Westerner that is the same image that keeps being portrayed of the whole of Africa over and over again in all these relief agency commercials - as this poor nation - not even continent that cannot take care of its problems that has poor government officials who are just sitting back driving their prados eating the wealth and this same nation  needs the big bully of the world (cough cough) to intervene by getting people to "like" a video.

2.)Which is my biggest issue and actually what makes me so mad and actually brought me back to the blogosphere - the one minute euphoria and emotion that social media creates and I mean wow tommorrow somethign else will be getting us all teary-eyed.I applaud the great stuff that social media has done my goodness very good stuff however why are some stories more popular than others?Why do some videos generate more likes than others?and what happens on the ground after you and I  like and re-post the video?I think of the people who are being slaughtered in Syria DAILY - children hidding from bomb shells as I type this - why are we not so sensitized to this? why cant we say hey guys lets start a group and take down the government that is killing people.I think of the earthquake in Haiti yes we were all hyped up and raised billions and then moved on to the next story, look at the drought in Sudan - the euphoria was there for a while and then bam Kim Kardashian and her 72 hour wedding took over....my point is I do not believe in a Band-Aid approach to healing a wound - just the way they used to patch the roads in Kenya - throw ona  little tar and voila you cover up the pothole.
Instead of getting all emotional and upset for a minute, we as the international community should stop sitting back and waiting for a crisis to act - to donate, to like a video - we need to step and step in and take action as the world is bleeding.

So thats my little spill on Kony - below is a video of a lady who put it so well - such intelligence and knowledge of the subject matter - am writing from recall she is writing from the ground ..enjoy and watch the invisible children video and share your views - who knows maybe am joining the ranks of Rush Limbaugh...Its even so hilarious she says he has not been in teh country for a while - who knows maybe he is in Jamaica sipping a margarita thinking , " Mmmmh whats all this?"

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=KLVY5jBnD-E&feature=share

Its official - Hospice nurse thanks but no thanks ;)

Part 1

wow it has taken me a while to write this post - I guess its one of those things you keep pushing and hoping it will dissapear but its keeps nagging at the bottom of your mental to-do list.So a couple of weeks back I had a new case I was assigned - a hospice end of life case.So easy breezy I go on the shift no major issues then before my Mr X goes to bed he tells me in a whisper "You know I am a DNR if anything is to happen do nothing call for help after half an hour." So there I am feeling all Ms calm oh yeah Mr X, I know you are a DNR no worries." Haiya akajifunika gave him his nasal cannula of oxygen akalala or so I thought.Fifteen min later he wakes up calls me and with a stern voice tells me, "Go get my pills on the top left hand corner of the med cabinet - bring ten of them.I want to sleep" In my head am like Oh boy another loopy old man we can deal with this Penny oh no I was in for the ride of my life.So I check the med cabinet to see what the heck he was asking for - I pull out some old container of pills called Seconal.I rack my head trying to remember what the med was for nothing comes out of my memory box but either way common sense dictates that ten of any meds is lethal.So I hold the container and tell him "Ok Mr x lets try calm down the container says just two tabs."Heh by now he had sat up his eyes wide with a steel voice "I said give me TEN pills now!!".Okay things are spiralling so his daughter is his voice of reason I get her on the phone chats with her for two minutes and as soon as he hangs up he wheels himself to the bathroom -still with the wild look in his eyes - I tell you a man on a mission cannot be stopped - apparently he had another container.Okay think think think...by now he all the pills in his hand - about ten to fifteen he starts throwing punches that I get away from him.As I reach for the call bell in the bathroom for security he pops two tabs in his mouth.Okay I try grab the rest he has an extra firm grip on them he pops another one.Okay penny this guy will overdose on your watch I had to literrally yank the rest from his hand - am telling you some Greys anatomy movie scene going on.they fell to the floor by now he was stark raving mad he picked up one - and as I wheeled him out of the bathroom am thinkin where the heck is this security when you need it!!!A minute later they come in - but by then my Mr X was starting to get delirious and drowsy he literally put himself in bed with little help from the EMTs in my head am like Oh boy what the heck is Seconal.So long of the short after they left hospice nurse came she was as clueless as I was on what Seconal was.By this time Mr X was in bed - rapid respirations, periods of apnea.So we look it up its an old time med - was used to put people to sleep for general anesthesia.Recommended dose no more than two tabs.The only difference is - in surgery they have reversal agents to get people out of anesthesia.Oh little fact I forgot to mention My Mr X was a doctor before he retired - so the brilliant doctor knew exactly what he was taking and his idea of "I want to sleep meant I REALLY wan to sleeeeeep.".So anyway long of the short he survived the night the hospice nurse called Poison Control bla bla bla bla He was asleep the whole night - the four or five pills he took knocked him out....Hospice nurse told me he did not look too good - he may not make it more than a day or two



Part 2
Two days later I was scheduled to work with Mr X - arrive on shift I was taken aback - he had deteriorated so fast his bed was in his living room - the aide who was with him the previous shift mentioned "They said he may not make it through the night." Oh boy penny what luck just on my shift.So anyhu do an assesment on him he was breathing very heavily lung sounds had crackles all fields his pulse was racing at 120-140 beats per minute.No urine output the last eight hours - bad bad signs.I remember an instructor in critical care once mentioned a racing heart is like imagining someone on a treadmill running so fast continously you can only go so fast and then you slow down and finally you stop.So the night went well -kept checking on him around two a.m actually it was like 2:10 a.m - weird I remember the exact time an eerie silence in the room - the heavy lung sounds were replaced by the oxygen humidifier.I immediately feel for a pulse - nothing.The racing heartbeat was replaced by the sound of my own.His body was still warm to the touch - I should have given a disclaimer for this posting - not suitable for the weak hearted - no pun intended.I stood beside him for a moment clutching on to the stethoscope and I took it all in - wow a few days ago I had a conversation with this man as he told me how he loved auctions and was an oncologist -
and here he was lifeless - no air going in those lungs, no blood flowing through those veins, no heart palpating that chest.And for that moment I did not even fear death I feared life itself.I feared not loving passionately, not laughing heartily,not living my life to its full potential.So I called the hospice nurse as per the protocol who came and pronounced his time of death, called the daughter, the morgue.I mean for her was a hospice nurse it was another day in the factory kinda deal but for me I watched it unfold.The morgue guys picked him - covered his still body with a sheet and zipped him up in a bag.By now the knuckles were blue and he was cold.The security locked the door behind us as per the daughters request and we left.I text my supervisor an let her know Dr. X as he was known in the office had gone peacefully and she apologized that it all happened on my shift.As I drove off at that 4am many thoughts raced through my head.I thought that wow all Dr X had by his death bed was a stranger girl from Africa.I remember an old post I wrote about in life its not the number of years you live that matter but the dash in between.How many lives have been changed by something you did or said.I watched cars drive by and in my head wondered maybe thats a father going for an early morning shift - did he make it right with his wife after the argument they had?had he fixed the bad relationship he had with his son?So moral of the story -love passionately,Jesus said it best in scripture - forgive seventy times seven times, mend broken relationships, laugh often, share, show kindness,a missionary lady said somethign profound, "Love until it hurts."

Okay so this is by far the looongest blog posting I have posted...On other pick me up news I got a Spring Internship at the Clinton Health Access Initiative.I want to have a feel of global health - yeah random.But am sure it will be a fun experience - meeting new people etc...okay through the window babie its 1 thirty a.m as usual my late night blogging dates ;).On other news see you at the Super bowl - New England made it !!!

Something new Something BORROWED ;)

Well so Face book is not full of too much junk I woke up to this amazing quote - I think I try to live by this mantra - I try not to take things personally - well most of the time - ova I hope it keeps me young...


There is a huge amount of freedom that comes to you when you take nothing personally. You become immune to black magicians, and no spell can affect you regardless of how strong it may be.The whole world can gossip about you,and if you don’t take it personally you are immune. Someone can intentionally send emotional poison, and if you don’t ... take it personally, you will not eat it.When you don’t take the emotional poison, it becomes even worse in thesender, but not in you…As you make a habit of not taking anything personally,you won’t need to place your trust in what others do or say. You will only need to trust yourself to make responsible choices. You are never responsible for the actions of others; you are only responsible for you. When you truly understand this, and refuse to take things personally, you can hardlybe hurt by the careless comments or actions of others...

Of Disney and childhood

Okay so yeah its one a.m as usual am up - sigh the perils of late nigth blogging...So anyhu Beauty and the Beast is out on big screen - in 3d...Lion King was out a few months ago...okay so one of two things - either movie sales are at a record low and they are trying to rake in some quick cash - coz trust me they are always sold out on openign night - or two these are just timeless classics - I will stick with timeless classics.coz for real thats what they are.Well lemme say growing up Disney cartoons were like our daily bread.We had mastered all the songs - liek word for word to Aladdin, Little mermaid it was ridiculous - well I guess we had no Iphones or face book.So in memory o fteh timeless classics - here are links that I think only my sister, Astou, Leon and Tyrone will appreciate teh first hit
A whoel new world http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-kl4hJ4j48s&feature=related
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=blW7MNm0FLU - OMG it was mad ein 1989
and finally http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J_lp1vEs5A4&feature=endscreen&NR=1
oh one final one http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wEzfWpGahng

Haiya Titanic era nini??

So today my client at work was telling me she had been given an assignment to do research on the Titanic - trust me she has watched the movie over and over...Speakign of which (some useless piece of info) it will be 100 years next year since the ship went down that they are doing a recreation of the actual Titanic and it will set forth on April 10th from Southampton, England to NY the same route the original one was goin....so anyhu I was thinking about it how things in the world economic order is changing the game of everything - well maybe its coz I saw a Payless store going out of business and I panicked for a minute there.I mean since I came to America gosh Circuit city begun the Domino effect, then Linens and Things, then MY FAVOURITE - Borders, the Bug-a-boo creek, then Blockbuster soon I mean gosh we are living in a Titanic era.I mean people and businesses are barely staying afloat.Then it hit me again to survive in this global economic order you cannot afford to live by the status quo.Think about it - when the Titanic was sinking - who was saved first the richest got the boats and the people in the lower class were locked up MJIPANGE lol.However in my opinion I also think some of the smartest people from the lower class survived - look at Jack (Leo) he immediately told Rose (Kate) lets go to the top of the ship when he saw it was going to sink and that bought them time.So to tie this whole little script in I think we are living in a time where you either have money or you have to be able to circumvent the way things are done or you sink.I dunno I can personally feel the pinch - my paychek has not increased but heck I spent 45 dollars to fill my gas tank and three - four years ago I spent 30 dollars - iincome has stayed the same and living expenses have hit the roof...so as my good friend Andy Mana would say Get Rich or Die tryin lol miss you Andz!!!

From Novice to Expert

So yesterday I was in the E.R - yet again...and in the process of driving to the ER in the hugest wheelchair van - my goodness those things are big I lost my mulika mwizi nokia phone - trust me its not even a 3310 its smaller than small.I did not have my charger for my samsung so I did a little swap for "in the meantime" and darn in a night my phone dissapears so am stranded until tommorrow - I will get new sim - oh boy all my contacts...so anyhu...there is a nursing theorist - Patricia Benner whose theory is on from the novice nurse to the expert nurse and it was funny in the ER I started remembering my first days in nursing school.My whole class and I - it was an assesment class had absolutely no idea what we were doing - when the instructor would say ok listen for lung sounds and we would hear nothing. not even that taking a blood pressure was torture - Korotkoffs sounds, systolic dyastolic so many terms.And so yesterday in the ER with a patient as I heard crackles in all his lung fields and gave report to his nurse and actually talked the lingo lol I remembered my novice beginning years when we would freak out when the instructor said "ok go in and assess your patient" and you gave the deer in the headlight look.Of course am nowhere near expert but am just glad that as I look back at the nursing journey it has been real - we were reminiscing with my friends on clinical days driving half an hour on a cold Sunday snowy morning, hustling on the train to Boston - going to Childrens hosi for pedi I mean it has been an amazing journey.Yeah so thats my spill for the day I just had a de ja vu moment.
Oh so I saw this quote outside the door to some ladies house by Albert schweitzer

“In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.” ― Albert Schweitzer

The Moipei Quartet

Okay so if this is not beautiful music I do no know what is.The Moipei quartet - amazing voices kwanza the little one here is a link to one of their songs and another one as they practice http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q4F2q16bR9c....
Here is the other one http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2Nq61yOiXXU&NR=1&feature=endscreen...
wow they have vocals that are off the charts...is that an english word???

All in a days / shift work

So Sunday night I had the ride of my life.First of all I picked a random shift after vowing that the next two weeks I am not picking a shift until school is out so I was like ok whatever its an eight p to eight cant be that bad I will go and sleep as usual and be ready for class the next day.My supervisor begged me to do it - said it was a neighbor of the owner of the company - apparently big money, lives in a huge mansion by the sea in MarbleHead and apparently my supervisor reckons "am good with families". So am like whatever will do it.Shock on me I get the text that the patient is in the hospital so it would be a night vigil.Am like ok stay positive Penny cant be that bad - though remembering my nights at Sunbridge am thinking oh boy...So anyhu night starts of well met the family as they were leaving - gave me a little run down of the patient bla bla bla showed me pics of the grand kids and great grand kids....She had her own private room - yeah big money but in my head am thinking yeah we can draw the curtain and catch a few zzz.I really hope I do not reach a point where I offer care to someone differently just because they are so and so or can pay for my college fund lol..So night starts fine hang out with Mrs X - names withehld for HIPAA privacy (sic) chat a bit ask her about her kids - she was on and off - abit uncomfortable basically I was doing the Florence Nightingale stuff - reposition, dry lips with vaseline etc..However she started getting very uncomfortable her face seemed to look pale so I called her nurse her pulse ox - was 85% saturation - you want it at least above 92% so big problems looming.Called respiratory they did an ABG - blood from her artery - very painful and there Mrs X was such a good sport - mind you she is in her 90s.I Was encouraging her, reminding her of her big cheering squad - her grandkids -racking my head to remember their names...Listened to her lungs - crackles all around - more looming problems, her edema in her feet was getting worse, her jugular vein was becoming distended,her abdomen was retaining fluid too - more problems looming.(read as Congestive Heart Failure.)So its one a.m all this is going on my sleep had started kicking in coz I have not done an overnight like that in a minute so he doc comes in and after a few pokes and prodes he determines she needs to go to the ICU...Okay You can do this Penny...so took down her pics on the wall, packed her stuff and off we went.By this time the family had been notified of the change of status - by the way had I mentioned some had flown in from Florida,Kansas so am like wow ok so now I have to deal with the family as well to add on to the mix...So off we went to the ICU - had to wait a while as they did they admission assesment In the waiting the family came in - I was in the waiting room.And they immediately run up to me asking me the tough questions that I honestly asked myself wow am I reallycut out for this?? "Do you think she will make it through the night?" "Will it be possible to take her home on oxygen maybe she pass away more peaceful?" In my head am thinking wow how do you look someone in the face and talk about the realities that they may loose their loved one .what answer can you give thats not a lie and thats not brutally gut wrenching honest.And just like a scripted E.R drama I was like "we cannot determine anything though I can tell you she really is a tough cookie." So anyhu into the ICU we went - its about 5am am like wow 3 more hours - yeah any idea of sleep at this point is out the window...However after like half an hour the family was like you know what Penny you have been so good to us and our mum we wiill stay you should leave and get some rest we have already paid for twelve hours though...so they insisted and I was like ok.told the family and Mrs X bye and trudged to my car and off to bed...- it was freezing.....so what should have been a quiet shift turned into quite a learning experience - I mean from a nursing student perspective - she had a bladder scan, IV lab draws, ABGs done, respiratory it was the full bang for your buck...and then of course it showed me a place in nursing that is my ultimate fear - death and dying.We actually had a class on Hospice care the day after - coincidence or what and the speaker was like not just anyone becomes a hospice nurse - there is that factor X which I do not know if I personally have it.Next day after passing out for a few hours - supervisor voice mail - family loved you they want you back as soon as possible but no really am on a two week hiatus until school is out...but hey will not mind hanging out at the mansion by the sea lol ;).

I hear and I forget.I see and I remember.I do and I understand.
-Confucus

Years that ask and Years that answer

Yeah so its been a while since I have popped into my blog (read as Public Health paper) Yeah the most dreaded part of nursing school - but come to think about it - the paper was not as bad as people say it is - I did TB in Lynn I am all sold out with TB stats mortality rate etc...but in general I loved the class - you know you go through nursing school - clinical after clinical asking mmhh which field do I really want to dive into and then bam you have your light bulb class - and for me Public Health sealed the deal...The professor is amazing Dr. Poremba you rock she has done amazing work in Vietnam, Honduras, DR.I mean class after class was just liek ok Penny you have found it - from watching videos on homelessness to a symposium from some guy who was in Haiti after the earthquake to Peru I just loved it loved it...so anyhu back to my topic - a few years back I stumbled upon a quote that stuck in my head - well just liek so many others and it was something like, "there are years that ask questions and there are years that answer them,"so today I met a friend I had not chatted with in a while and she tells me how she was going to My Brothers Table to volunteer which is a homeless shelter she serves food and how on Tuesdays she tutors kids at a homeless program and you know me I was like where have you bee girl you are my kinda person!!!..ok will tie this in later...So anyhu back to my line of thought...so I am hoping to get an internship for the Spring - crossing fingers its in global health... the interview was a self administered one - like you talk into your webcam as you answer the questions.And one of the questions I remember was about what volunteering have you done that is relevant to the work we do - and as I talked about working with the Girl child Network , volunteering at Thomas Barnados Home, AMREF etc... later I thought about it and was like wow 5 years ago at that time I would have no idea that the work I did then would impact my life now.I remember going to Barnados in the morning at eight when my friends in the hood - lol in the hood that sounds so barbie yeah well in the esto were catching the Daystar bus or going to Strathmore and I would think wow I cant wait to go to college...then with the sanitary towel campaign sittign at Nakumaat asking people to buy sanitary towels for the girl child in rural Kenya .Gosh and the mother of all walkign in the hot sun with going to primary schools in Eastleigh, Umoja etc getting sugnatures from school kids to make education in the developing world an agenda at the G20 summit..anyhu my point is now that I look back as I served those hot meals, got cut a couple of times slicing carrots, mopping a kitchen floor I look back and think wow those were my years that asked questions like what next for me?where to?is this my calling?? and then years such as the one I did the fellowship at MGH, just the other day over the interview they are years that are like showing you this is what you were preparing for...Things may not have made sense then but they sure as heck make sense now...It was a preparation of sorts for future callings...so anyway am getting carried away...so yah thats what I have come to conclude ove rthe last couple of weeks -oh also my very dear friend finally got accepted to Pharmacy school and a year or two ago she had been trying here trying there knocking on this door - volunteering as a pharm tech... no it even started way back at home working at her mums chemist - am sure then she would have no idea what was in store for her - you know things may not seem to make sense right now or it may look hazy up ahead but if you remain diligent stay the course as George Bush says stay the course....the sun will shine again and your questions will be answered.....Yeah so thats my re entry into the blogosphere its been a minute.....am busy practicing questions for my end term exam....wow tommorrow is my last clinical day Yipee I made it...so fingers crossed I get the internship - its unpaid but heck am in it for the experience more than anything....over and out.Queen pen....

Esther..

Lol so as I was writing the above headline "Esther" the strangest thought came to my mind.By the way its the Esther in the Bible.I started thhinking mmmh I wonder what her last name was and then wondered some more hey did people in the Bible have last names lol I know ....the randomness of that idea...no seriously like was it Abraham Smith or Jacob Brown or Peter now that I think about it the only two name person I can think of in the Bible is Simon-Peter oh and Mary-Magdalene like what was Moses second name or Saul or Joshua or did Jews used to only use one name like where did this whole two or three name business come from I dunno I should contact a dear lady in D.C who would help me out she is Hebrew to the core and teaches Jewish culture....so anyway why I thought of Esther is I stumbled upon such a deep verse in the book of Esther this morning its Esther 4;14 "For if you remain silent at this time relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place but you and your fathers family will perish.And who knows but that you have come to royal position for such a time as this?"
It was basically Mordecai askig Esther to help out the Jews who were all about to be killed after some crazy guy Haman wanted all Jews killed after Mordecai refused to bow down to him.Esther at the time was one of the queens but a Jew.So anyway I like the part he says and who knows that you have come to royal position for a time such as this???Like I was thinking do you ever wonder why you are where you are.Is it coincidence that you have the power to make so many things happen that can absolutely alter the course of yoru life and so many other people.Like there is a reason why you have been placed where you are - have the resources you have.Either way Gods plan will work whethe ror not you use what he has given you..I dunno another random moment I had to blog about...

Through the Looking glass - Kwa Dirisha baby!!!

So a friend of mine and I were in Boston recently well actually it was in the summer.She told me about some glass exhibit and I was like am down - you know my randomness am down for whatever sounds fun...so the guy is called chihuly he blows glass for a living here are some pics I found preety nice...I think I may take a class on glass blowing looks like fun...oh and note the price I had to take the price of one of his pieces just for laughs

study for this study for that study study study aaaghhh

So I am such a Good morning America fanatic yani my head alarm clock is tuned to seven a.m every morning to watch Robin and whats the other guys name?? so anyhu the thing I really do not like is when I hear these famous words, "A new study out shows" bla bla bla.I mean its all fine and dandy studies have led to so many breakthroughs in the field of medicine, weight watching, kids in school but PALEASE!!!Gimme a break the other day it was a new study out shows "two cups of coffee a day may actually reduce your risk of basal cell carcinoma" aka skin cancer ok well fine I get it there are some scientists who spend their lives doing all this research and its great absolutely but really - the classic we are at the store with some lady and she tells me oh no dont get too many bananas studies show they have too much pottasium.Theoretically its true bananas are a good source of pottasium but seriously I honestly asked can you really have too many bananas?? and she goes like well thats what the experts say...WHO ARE THE EXPERTS????You are the expert of yourself why wait for a new study to tell you cigarrete smoking is harmful to your health or isnt it obvious that children who play outside longer are more social and less prone to anti-social behaviours compared to kids who spend most of their time playing video games???Its such a great thing that the world is changing drastically and at sich an alarming rate.And gosh so much good stuff has come out of all the research - from breakthroughs in stem cell research to even acne treatment to technology changes - I mean think about how we used to watch VCRs and listen to tapes you could rewind and forward with a pen lol???However there is a saying I just saw somwhere in French "plus ça change, plus c'est la même chose" the more things change the more they remain the same...so great job wiith all the studies out there but truth be told life is that mysery that no scientist can ever fully explain and thats how it was intended so live and let live.Some studies are very useful and some studies are in the words of Harry Potter hogwash....thats my story and am sticking to it....

Boyce avenue!!

My new found band is in town - they will be performing tommorrow night at the Roxy in Boston I had looked at tickets a while back and they were twenty bucks and now they are a whole 68 dollars!!!But they do amazing renditions of songs here is one of my faves tracey chapman fast car...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M4zCOHFrLVY

Hapo niligongwa...lakini ni sawa;)

lol lol so today I was walking into the house after an exam ready to take my mid day naps - yeah am like a little cat I nap anywhere anytime anyhow...so anyhu...as I was walking into the house I meet a lady who begins to tell me this sob story of how her father is at MGH he had just been admitted with a stroke - she said this was his third one and she was crying...apparently she did not have enough money on the train she had pandad in Beverly and they kicked her out once she got to Salem - so the long of the short she wanted money to catch the train into Boston.She even went on to show me two dollars she had been given my someone.So in my head my initial instinct was to tell her that I did not have money - which I seriously had left my wallet in my car coz I knew I was in only for a nap...but after a quick minute I said you know what if she is lying let God deal with her.So I swallowed the ka big potato of words that I was about to say and instead said, "Oh am so sorry to hear that my wallet is in my car we can cross the street its right there and I see what I can do - yani I even told her my wallet was in my car.." - gosh if it was a stand up and she had a gun I would have been robbed silly...so I gave her the money I had in my wallet and she was like oh can I take your number and call you and pay you back and DUH am like of course not....pesa ya train hauna simu sasa atatoa wapi....so we parted ways for a minute there I thought hapo nimegongwa lakini ni sawa lol but hey like I said let God deal with her if she as lying... and of course I proceeded to take my nap and of course as soon as I had woke up I had even forgotten the incident until now - gosh anyone who knows me knows how I forget things so fast - sometimes its my strengh but many times its also a weakness....all the same I think I have the worst short term memory - I really do not remember things easily...oh well whatever...oh and today Wangari Maathai passed away - I was talking to my mum and we were saying how people are not even sad you know mourning - coz her life I can describe it like that budding rose that each year a petal opened and opened that by the time of her death all her petals were open and her rose was fully bloomed. Yani a woman who fought for what she believed in - yani hugging trees hadi GSU had to tear her apart from her trees and at 71 she looked radiant.RIP Kare!!!

8 years later - Does time really heal??

So today is September 26th a day that we will always remember in our family when my older sister was involved in a road crash...I have compiled pics of us together...there are no words to describe her no blog big enough to write about her but hey as they say pics say 1000 words...They say time heals and here I am 8 years later asking myself does time really heal or is it mans defense mechanism of coping with loss..For me the day I went to see her in the ICU is still fresh in my mind - seeing all the tubes and machines and hearing the oxygen beeps, the halo tract to keep her neck steady the trach tube that prevented her from talking the tears rolling down her cheeks that I wiped away as I tried to hold my own tears back as I watched her lips move and say, "Hi Penny,"and there I was with the firmest face I replied, "you dont even look that bad ," as my heart broke into a million pieces coz I knew I was lying...I looked around the ICU and saw death stare me in th face and as I went to the bathroom I cried myself dry for a good ten minutes.When I went back and saw the vent machine go up and down - helping her breath I asked God to spare her life and I will sepnd the rest of mine taking care of her if thats what it takes.So here I am 8 years later - my sister turned tragedy into triumph....the wounds may still be fresh in my mind or maybe a psychologist would call it dysfunctional grief but all I can say is every time I think of her and the pains she has endured the mountains she crosses DAILY,the smile on her face even after surgery I am reminded that this life is not mine , the air in my lungs, the ability to brush my teeth, get out of bed each morning is nothing I ever want to take for granted..So maybe just maybe time does heal....

Burnout syndrome

Its almost midnight - as usual these are the times am still awake - gosh I am so not a morning person - the other day in clinical I was a wreck - and no one believed me when I told them "guys I am seriously not a morning person.." so anyhu where was I....so the other day as I was going to work I started thinking mmmhh where is my energy???I was literally not looking forward to going to work as in I was even happy that I will not be working Thursday coz of clinical and even at work it seems the hours are just breezing past.In my head am thinking ok when are the ladies going to bed I get on the computer and do my other work??Now that I think about I remember Bill Hybels speech at a recent leadership summit he talked of making sure you are not over challenged or underchallenged at the job you are doing.Taking it a step further I think both lead to the big B word BURNOUT!!!!Which is what I have been experienceing alot of late.I was having breakfast with a friend the other day- I was from work and she started feeling all sorry she was like oh no you must be so tired we can postpone our breakfast date and I told her oh no trust me I slept the whole shift at work.Later as I thought about it am like wow I know it sounds great and all being paid to sleep - but whats the challenge in that?where is the stimulation of the mind?where are the results of that?so back to my main story...diversion syndrome so anyhu...I think am getting to a point of burn out - and thats the one thing I told my friend as we were chatting - I would never like to be at a place in my life where I just do things to do things - where there is no joy in my work where am not giving 100%of myself.I think am ready for a career change - I guess we can call it the five year syndrome - I think every five years its ok to step back and look at yourself in the mirror - and ask where am I?Where am I going?Where will I be in the next five years?so back to burnout..a sad reality of most jobs in America is that they are so monotonous that burnout syndrome is rampant.If you think about it - for some they have grown to love their job - oh oh which brings me to another story - there is this guy who sells newspapers at corner near north station yani that guy can make your day he smiles at anyone who will smile and wishes you a good day whether you buy a paper or not - love it!!Then there are those who the monotony of work shows on their face - from the mean lady at the post office to the guy who rolls his eyes at the Toll bridge when your struglling looking for your tu coins...my point is most of the jobs in America more often than not are done "to pay the bills" or to "pay for school" and even worse is most of us live pay check to pay check as we await that "big break"...Burnout now that I think about it can occur on so many levels...its possible for so many things to burnout from friendships, to relationships,to careers, to sadly even marriages....so the next question becomes how do you keep that spark alive?how do you keep the fire burning in that marriage ,how do you regain that passion you once had for Christ,how do you rekindle that zeal for your career......I dont have answers to these questions but one thing I know I will not let burnout syndrome get the best of me

Who do I need to see to get stuff done??

So I have just thought of a funny joke my sister and I had , "You want your music played you have to push for it, " only she can get it and I really do not want to go into a whole tirade on explaining it but my point is I get so infuriated by people always passing the buck...where will the buck stop? I always listen to the jam scam on Jamin 945 and a common line I always hear is " Who is your manager?" or "can I speak to who is in charge?" but after gettign mad for a long while about having to pass through a hierachy of people I have sat back and realized that you know what mmmh...in life there are people you call movers and shakers people who get stuff done with just a phone call or a click of a button.Gosh I have come to experience this on so many occasions and I think I learnt from my dad a long time ago - there was a teacher who had disciplined my sister like serious beating for failing a class and she was so sick that day I think her hands got blisters bad ones etc etc heh dint Mr Marenge go to the headmistress of the school forget the class teacher or deputy am talking Headmistress the head honcho the big cahuna and you know how headmistresses in primary school are no nonsense so lon gof the short the teacher who had beat my sister was immediately terminated coz of the incident ...and not that am saying it was a chest thumping moment for my dad... far from it actually I think I learnt from that incident at an early age if you want results sometimes you need to use a top to bottom approach...not to say that you always over look the hierachy of power but sometimes the small timers will beat around the bush liek in taht case maybe the class teacher would have said "oh am so sorry to hear that Mr Marenge we will have a meeting and "see what to do" ...so anyway I was tutoring last semester and the whole tutor program is a mess at the nursing school there is such a great need for tutors they even give a 50 dollar bonus for signing up - of course you know am all about free stuff. there was a time I had almost three students at a go and am thinking no there is a breakdown in the system.So I approached the co-ordinator of the tutor program and told her what if we open a full time tutor center and I gave her my whole spiel on the hassles of one on one tutoring, scheduling finding a class etc etc and she did get the gist ...her response was so bland ati oh thanks for your suggestions let me be in touch with the chair and since then zero...so am like what the heck???so I emailed the chair of the nursing program last week and she better have a solid response for me or I will go to the school presidents office.Last year there was this international advisor who made so many international applicants miss their enrollment dates due to her negligence - you could call her and leave her voice mail after voice mail... i gave her three strikes after hearing so many complaints from different people I wrote the longest email to the head of admissions ..dint she return my call that day so apologetic saying oh this oh that let me look at the applications and I since then I heard she was changed from that role...again not chest thumping or anything but my point is there are times there is no point wasting time with the small timers there are problems they can solve and then there are just those things that need you to "take it from the top" literraly... so dont be scared or shy or feel intimidated.hey I always say am not afraid of rejection...the worst thing I can get is a no...so send those emails, make those calls...you will be surprised the people at the top are actually the ones with the kindest hearts and ready to help.....

If you give up when it is winter you will miss the joy of your spring the warmth of your summer an dthe promise of your fall......

Brian mcknight on a rainy day all day ;)

instead of studying for my exam tommorrow am tuned into brian mcknight hey its pouring outside hey what can a girl do - am a sucker for love like that...here is a hit i stumbled upon http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FJIOjGNbrmQ