I am not my hair

"I am not my hair
I am not this skin
I am not your expectations
no no no.."
I am a soul that lives within

So those are the lyrics from India Aries song I am not mhair - basically she is talking about how women are judged - well let me qualify that black women are judged initially by their skin colour one and two by their hair do - in short by outward appearance.This week I had two incidences where I came face to face with this reality.The first was at Walmart I had gone to buy sleeping wear - ahem ahem - yeah a girls got to do what a girls got to do.So it was a top and a bottom.When I had entered the changing room the llady who usually hands the tags was not there so I just walked in.When I came out she was there and immediately gave me a " I know what you did last summer look" as though I were up to no good.She immediately took the sleeping wear from me and said is this a three piece coz she only had two in her hand and immediately am like Oh my goodness this lady does not think I am trying to get away with taking something without paying for it and am like not its a pyjama suit and she did an oooh....then she quickly peeped into my basket.All the while I was so disgusted am like woman leave me the heck alone..just coz of my skin colour you be all up in my business - well maybe I was being paranoid but no trust me you know when you know there is dirty business going on..then the other one happened this morning i was driving home from work and i see some lady pulled over her bonnet was up she was all dressed for work.So the mother theresa in me pulled over backed up to go help her out.She remained standing with arms crossed as I asked her :You need a jump?" she was like yeah you would not know how to do it would you? am like sure I would.So she goes into this long spiel how she had been waving down the men and they all drove by actually ignoring her she said she di dnot even bother with the ladies as she was not sure that ladies could jump a car.So anyhu the longof the short I got her car jumped - (yes Denz all your lessons paid off) but later as I got home i begun to muse how funny that colour and gender are things I will have to overcome in this white male driven society.However to go a little deeper a verse somehere that says Man looks at the outward apperance God looks at the heart comes to mind when I think of the many times we as humans are so quick to make judgements on someone and what they can or cannot do based on how they present themself.I think of my bunker mate in high school who was blind - and how people acted different around her - kind of soft pity party kind and trust me that was the last thing she needed.I also have a friend here in MA who is dumb and partially deaf and I always look at him when a joke is cracked or people seem to be deep in this conversation that he has no idea what is being said and to play along he smiles or looks around sheepishly.I sometimes call him over and chir chat one on one with him - and I hope I am not comign off as being this pious goody two shoes oh no far from it - I am as guilty as anyone in seeing just the outward...oh well I can go on and on but i think the gist of the story is how or when will we stop stigmatizing a certain population or people based entirely on what we see.Like how do we reach that point where we see through the eyes of the heart - am I makign sense or doing one of my usual tangent talks...i guess I am its three thirty A.M it summer so you can imagine I can see the rays of sunshine well almost sunrise .....through the window babie!!!Oh here is a quote I got from a book on retts syndrome - oh now thats a story for another day - a beautiful lady I have come to know through work has a daughter with retts syndrome - look it up when you can so here is from a handbook that the retts foundation made for the parents

Dont walk behind me I may not lead
Dont walk infront of me I may not follow
Just walk beside me and be my friend
-Albert Camus