My passion project

There is so much hulla baloo about finding and doing work you love - work you can do and not expect to get paid...as Nike says you Just Do it *insert tick sign here*........So I have just remembered that I was not paid for a tutoring gig I did a few weeks ago...some guy who was studying for his licensure exam....I met him at Starbucks.Jonathan was his name.I dont know why I was drawn to helping him - usually I can tell in the unquiry emails how serious the students are.Maybe its coz he shares a name with my older brother who is such a gentle giant.Maybe he sounded so despearate maybe its coz he told me has a wife and three kids and would like to support his family better.Either way the first meeting we stood each other up we were at starbucks on different sides of the world and the phones were not going through..So we rescheduled - he told me I can charge him for that one hour that we failed to meet - which pays more per hour than my regular job...and I told him no way dude I am not here for your money I am here to help you reach your goal...so we met again...I walked him through as I do all my tutees my work is not to teach content I am essentially giving you confidence to pass the licensure exam...I tell all the tutees the general spill go with your instinct the first answer is always correct. I tell them to get a lot of rest the night before I tell them they know they stuff its just a standardized test - anotehr persons opinion of what you already know..well he gave me a 3.5 stars not the greatest but I dont really care about the ratings or the pay and I guess this what they mean when they say do work you love and it will work for you....I love being a career , scholarships, college advice, subject matter coach.I like seeing someone excel at something they thought they could not do...Sunday I get a call from a lady who had got my number from a friend - she was taking the board exam today after failing - actually she is the reason I am blogging I just texted her and have not heard back...she must be a wreck trust me the two days after you do yoru boards are filled with sleepless nights...I have been planning for today as though it was my own day - I wished her well yesterday and told her to get rest...so her no reply is a bit worrying we will find out in a day or two if she passed.But I think my point is I think if I really set my mind to it being a life/subject/college/career coach - I am yet to find one name for my title can be something I can do enjoy get paid if all this healthcare biz fails

addendum to note::
SHE PASSED SHE PASSED!!!I have been on a high this whole shift..yani she sent me the text and I was jumping for joy like a proud parent... I am so happy and to think that all I did was encourage her to bring out her A game stuff she already knew she had it in her...Gosh this is how our highs school teachers used to feel when we would get As in KCSE...you cant explain it..its a sense of accomplishemnt kind of thing

Martin Luther King must be turning in his grave...

I remember seeing the word sequester when I read on of the best John Grisham books of all times - Runaway Jury...I had no idea what it meant but it sounded like some secret undercover procedure that juries of high profile cases go through so their decision is not altered by outside sources.So basically you are locked in a tiny room - no cell phones no internet no access to social media and I think you are allowed a phone call a day from a family member - which is screeend and you are not to discuss the case processings at all.So anyway the last couple of weeks the jury that has been trying what some have called the "civil rights case of this decade" this has been between the state of Florida v George Zimmerman.The jury has been undergoing sequesteratiion and they just returned their verdict......I was walking into the gym at ten fifteen pm July 13th when in bold I see on the TV screens Zimmerman found not guilty of murder..My heart sunk to the ground I felt as though someone had punched me in the stomach...rushing to the the locker room I changed and found the nearest bike under the CNN screen.I looked around and everyone around me continued on their treadmill jamming to their Justin Bieber oblivious of the news whistling like just another day in paradise...So anyway as I listened my heart sunk lower and lower...the jury claimed they did not have enough evidence to find him guilt of the charges of manslaughter...I am not a legal guru  but as Shelmith says the plaintiff should have filed a lesser judge i.e first degree murder...I dont know all that stuff intent no intent bla bla bla bla but all I can say is it was a sad day in America for champions of the cause *fist in the air for the black power*....I went for the National slam two weeks ago - a good friend of mine from California was performing - shout out Da Poetry Lounge and my friend from Jersey who I went with after one of the poems on the rights (or lack thereof0 of black people stated wow they are so angry - this is not the America I live in...and I was a bit taken aback by her statement as I felt there was some level of indifference nonchalance shrug off the whole thing kind of attitude...I personally did not grow up knowing black from white however it would be against my interests to not feel strongly about the way young black men are treated (or mistreated) by the hand of the law..like I have blogged before I have two friends who were profiled a while back by the State police at college like literraly stopped by cops and asked incriminating questions about an incident just coz we were around the campus late at night.Liike really dude we are from the library??!!so anyway here are a few videos that speak more on this from Javon to watoto from the nile tribute to trayvon...
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=M-Utk_g7y4A

and here  is one of the guys from the Cali team Da Poetry lounge http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u9Wf8y_5Yn4

Just another day in the factory....

 So I have a patient...his name is D....I just found out two weeks ago D was a doctor way back when not medical doctor but doctor of something...D is dying. actively dying if I may say so...I also know Ds wife Lady S..so I met Lady S when D was fist admiited to the floor a few months ago...Lady S is always in to visit with D every day and everytime she comes to stand at my cart and give me a whole spill on how she has noticed something new on D - he seems to be jerking a lot today he seems to be clapping a lot today..."Side effects of the meds his on for the Parkinsons" I tell lady S tommorrow he comes in he seems to be happy today he is responding....and on and on we go day in day out...sometimes it gets annoying when she interrupts you in teh mdidle of a med pass but other times all she needs is someone to listen to her...So a few days ago D started declining and declining fast - bloody urine not eating temps in the 100s.I tell the aides the care they will give D the next few days will be the most important care they have ever given him in all the while he has been here,I tell them to go in there hold his hand talk to him tell him what they are doing before they turn him...so yesterday I picked up a double shift to stay through the night...just before lady S leaves for the night she whispers tommorrow is my birthday please dont tell anyone.I wish her a happy birthday as I give D a look in my head thinking...D you better not die on me and Lady S tonight on her birthday.She sings songs to D that they used to sing together she tells me how they used to hold hands as they sung the songs and danced - how he would always say her singing was beautiful even though she knows her voice has a missing cord or two - her face turns pink filled with so much fond memories..I turn away to blink away the tears and she leaves......So I keep checking on D through the night he is still there - temps still up the roof, periods of no breathing for a good two minutes which made me say okay this is it until I hear that deep snore again.... I stay with him a while wondering where his soul is - is he trying to make it through to his wifes birthday? he makes it through the night...I pray his wife will get to see him today...I leave and go home D made it to Lad S ninetieth birthday I wonder if he will be there when I get on shift tommorrow....like I said just another day in teh factory....

The moral test of a government is how it treats those in the dawn of life the infants and children, those in the twilight of life the elderly, and those in the shadows of life the sick teh needy and the handicapped - Hubert H Humphrey..

Addendum to note:

Soooo just as an addition to my little story up here...so remember Dr. D....well he died.I was in the middle of shift report and the chaplain comes into the room and says we need a nurse to pronounce.So we went in there with the morning nurse shut the door and immediately we saw him we knew he had gone.The beautiful part was his wife Lady S was right by his bedside as she had said she wanted to be when he passed away.The chaplaian told me they were singing all his favorite church hymns and the love songs they used to dance and sing to with the wife and as soon as they were done they looked at him and he was gone...he liyeally slipped into the after life in such peace with his wife by his side...and he waited until the day after her birthday wow this thing called life..

Of chasing the dream and not the competition

So I started writing this blog on Tuesday and then San Antonio and Miami happened and the rest is history if you have been following the NBA finals...So here I am a two days after - and yes Miami was crowned the champs...My gut feeling says there is some rigging of sorts going on here as far ticket sales are concerned...its all money driven...anyhu San Antonio played with hearts of champions went down fighting...So anyhu where was I oh yes so this summer my theme is "if not me who if not now when??"I am calling it the summer of doing something greater than self...sooo in exactly a wekk D and I will be competing in a five mile obstacle race - well its less than five miles but the obstacles are what make it challenging am talking mud pits some milimas and mabondes some fire stops - the full survivor reloaded...I have been (somewhat )training for this lol - today I went to the gym and was so surprised I biked for eight miles.I remembered the first day I was on the treadmill and could barely make half a mile without breaking into a sweat and now I can easily do two and a half miles mfululizo...which got me thinking about how important it is that your biggest competitor should be yourself.I was having this discussion with D who if you know is HIGHLY competitive - he competes with anyone / anything that is up for the challenge...t and I told him dont get so caught up in competing with other people your biggest competitor should be D.Coz here is the mistake we make when we try compete with other people - we set ourselves up to perform at their bar - why allow someone else to set the bar for you .I think its better and more effective to set your own bar and take incremental steps to reach your bar where you will raise it again...another of my to do list I joined Toastmasters club - yup this past Wed I went - running fashionably late as usual and joined a group of about 6 perfect strangers to perfect the art of public speaking and effective crowd communication.I loved the group so basically there are different ways meetings are run - each week there is a toastmaster who basically runs the show and each week everyone volunteers to give a speech from the booklet you receiev when you join..so like mine the first one will be The ice breaker da da da duuum yup basically talk about yourself - your growing up etc etc...then there were table talks which freaked me out so you go up there and talk about anything the faccilitator throws at you - from what will you last meal be before you die? to which is more important love or money? etc etc...I saw a quote somwhere He who tells the best story writes the future..I believe we are coming to a point in this global world where people are interested in hearign interesting stories on interesting things that will change the course of society and how we see life.That is a reason I love love Tedx the videos are inspiring , revolutionary I can go on and on...and theeeen the big bang I finally found sky diving fanatics - this has been something I have been putting off for three years now and finally I found like minded daredevils at work and we signed up for a jump ...now that is a story for another day but just watch this space...so in short back to my theme - chase the dream not the competition. In this life - be your own referee, make your own rules, be your own competitor, chart your own path...that way you are not constantly trying to beat someone elses record...I just thought of the gymnast Gabby Douglas  as I wrote that and now that I think about it I think I have blogged about this before.
so thats my little scoop for the day it may be redundant but there is power in redundancy..
In the words of  Ralph Waldo Emmerson,

Do not go where the path may lead instead go where there is no path and leave a trail..

How much can a city take?

So anyone who knows me knows I love children.There is such an innocence about them that is so disarming.They know nothing but peace in their hearts.They see the world in colour when we adults see it in black or white.So anyhu where was I was I going oh yes home of my favorite basketball team OKC - yeah lets go thunder!!! I love Durant I think all the team members have humble souls!I guess its from the city they play for -  Oklahoma.So today a little town in Oklahoma was flattened literally by a tornado weather men are calling it a EF5 - with wind gusts of 200mph - all jargon to me but sounds like it was quite a beast.But anyhu the storm the storm devastated an elementary and as I was watching CNN an hour ago the news flash was 46 third graders are still unaacounted for...My heart was wrenched out and then I remembered the OKC bombing and I thought to myself wow how much can a city take.I mean the Boston Bombings of last month brought us to our knees as a city with three deaths now 41 deaths - and these are the confirmed numbers...So I Google and see the 95  bombing ripped through a daycare and I found this pic of these precious little souls who passed away... I just think the city has had its fair share of heartache jamaneni they need a break.Speaking of which Obama has not had an easy time since his inauguration from North Korea being (nuclear) trigger happy to the Boston bombings to the Texas explosion to now this devastation in OKC...Earth activists and global warming champions will use this to push their agendas, religious fanatics will say the end times are upon us but I say we honker down and pray for the parents who are sleeping without hugging their little ones tonight.....

Musings from a "detached" Kenyan

So my sister winter always says I am  very "detached" from the Kenyan way of life the -  the music, the fashion - she saw how I used to dress to college and was like heh you cant even attempt such a dress code with campo chicks,the roads (read as Thika highway), the businesses (read as kina Rupu, soko kuu etc etc) and of course the politics...Well....the other day she was in hosi and she was so bored so I go like dont they have Wi Fi there you can have your laptop? and she goes like wifi? really? so yes (as I sheepishly admit) I am 6years removed from the Kenyan buzz but one thing that I and so many of my "detached" comrades in the diaspora have been following closely is the politics.For some reason or the  other politics seems to be that unifying topic that at least someone can throw in a  word or two over a cup of tea or Pbrs  as my friend Festus calls them.Even if its old news "you heard Saitoti passed away?" can spark of a conversation..Soooo where was I going...oh yes so my very "attached" sister emailed  me a link of the protests that were happening today outside parliament and immediately I went like wait whaat are those pigs with MPigs engraved on their back?and wait is that the gate of parliament.This was a replica of the Occupy movt that had swept the land of milk and honey(sic) two years ago..The only difference was (other than live piglets) there were cops with tear gas canisters and their tu sticks whats the English word for them - batons??For me the whole video almost saddened me as I envisioned an MP sitting in his office in Parliament sipping on a hot cup of Ketepa tea thinking what now can those hooligans go milk a cow (or pig in this case)...I know there has been uproar people saying it should have been done in a more better/ civilized way but I say hats off to you who woke up today knowing they would be marching down Harambee Avenue and maybe later on sleeping in a cell.There was a woman who was being hauled into a truck screaming, "Nipe filimbi yangu," in shot you can arrest me but you cannot silence me.Its quite noble to fight for a cause one believes in in this day and age -  coz I feel over the years society and life in general has made so many people loose their gusto to stand and be ready to almost die for a cause - let me quantify that - a cause worth dying for.Look at  men and women of yore -martyrs who were killed for refusing to denounce  Jesus Christ as savior,freedom fighters from South African apartheid to British Mau Mau, Waangari Maathai who would hug a tree so tight she would have to be chiseled out of it to prevent it from being cut down.So anyhu I digress as always I just feel as we celebrate 50 great years of independence this December lets applaud and not chastise (or throw tear gas at) those who will stand up and say hey that entertainment allowance and salary is a tad bit on the higher side Mr. MP.I voted you in to bring education to our constituency and not channel the funds to a little bank in Cayman Islands...Well then again maybe as my sister says I am just another "detached" Kenyan...All this made me remember this part in the movie Sarafina see video

Of my Erickson family

Yeah so here I am on a windy cold Friday night / Saturday morning in what the weather men are calling the Blizzard of 2013...On the 3rd floor at a nurses station watching the clock go tick tock with my hot water lemon and tea....Yup where else to spend a blizzard than at work.There is something Mary W always used to tell me lady you would rather be masaa with bad weather why sleep at home wacha pesa iingie..so I guess I have heeded her word...But this time I am glad I am at work.The reason is, I was hired by a company that takes care of both its staff and its residents alike.There must be some big wig at the top top who realizes that the work your employees give should not just be a reflection of their paycheck.And I can say with all honesty I love my organization not just for the paycheck - which may not be shabby altogether.Lets just say they had me at orientation.I cant even start to explain how I landed the job but the Director of Nursing was right when they said - they literally hand pick everyone who works here.Its not just another warm body to fill in a slot.The nurses and nursing aides are so awesome its such an amazing team .I actually have  two people interested in sky diving this summer so watch this space...So anyhu I am digressing as always....So there is this big hulabaloo about the snowstoorm blizzard it is bad out .Trust me it was almost disgusting to see people wiping the bread isles and milk isles dry at markets all in the name of the storm - and I can bet you that food will go to waste...please take it to the shelter or buy blankets and drop them off at the shelter instead.I digress again.....so anyhu what has happened at work is they made sure the staff leaving at three left early and they had been provided with lunch we got dinner and tommorrow we getting hot breakfast - sausages bacon etc etc..Okay its not just the food I am going at all the admin staff have stayed behind from the Director to assistant director of nursing, to my nurse manager who is literally sleeping in her office to the administrator to the Human Resource manager.Yani the administrator was helping shovel cars outside at eleven for the staff who REALLY had to drive out in these conditions...and wait it gets better they have opened up apartments in their independent living faccility - and these are nice apartments with a bed hot shower clean sheets for those who feel they cant drive in this weather and those like me who tommorrow mornign will be jelly...so I really applaud their work - its called the B culture around here.Because at B whether you have RN MSN MD JD JP after your name at the end of the day we are here for one purpose to serve the residents and be team players.I mean this is the ultimate show of team work.Again maybe its coz I also just came off working from a place where OMgee the word support was foreign I remember one night doing an admission of a patient - which takes forever doing the meds the treatments there was a discharge and I was so new right out of college and gosh everyone was just doing their own thing...But anyhu the long of the short I think the leaders at Brooksby are not just leaders by name but they are leaders by action.My nurse manager has a sign outside her door that reads A leader is one who knows the way goes the way and then shows others the way...so whats the moral of this little story - lead where you are...take time to respect and appreciate the people who work with you....ok back to looking at the snow pummel my window

Oh another quote on my managers door, " Before you speak THINK is it True is it Honest is it Inspiring is it Necessary is it Kind."

Django over Les Miserables

Oh my goodness so last night - I went to our downtown Cinema Salem I used to drive past this place and would smile coz its so tiny from outside that I would wonder really is there anything that really happens in there like big screen movies...But boy oh boy I had the time of my life last night - Les Misearables was not showing at AMC loews and the nearest place was you guessed it - Cinema Salem...So I forfeited my trip to the laundry - what a tough decision here lol - and trotted to Cinema Salem.I texted Ms J if she was interested but after no response it was me and my warm self and my Ketepa tea I was ready to put up a fight if he refused me in with it - it was 17 degrees by the time I was getting there...so anyhu long of the short I watched Les Miserables even after a little back and forth with Ms. winter between that and Django and omgeeee Les Miserables is oscar worthy. Yani the last movie I sat big screen for two and a half hours was Benjamin button.So anyhu I enter Cinema Salem and not quite the shocker it was just me and some other couple who sat three rows ahead of me.The girl even turned when I entered and shouted I hope you like it I am here for the second time to watch it....So after kiss kiss peck peck of watching the lovely couple infront of me the movie started - lol me and my lonesome self and cup of tea what a funny sight huh but I was so determined to watch the movie I had heard great stuff about it and sure enough it did not dissapoint. Well let me put this caveat I guess you have to love musicals - kina Rent sister act to really enjoy this.It was like theater had come alive on big screen the costume the set the music the vocals - Hugh Jackman nailed it -looking mighty fine, Anne Hathaway - darn you princess of Janovia!!! am telling you the singing is beautiful the script is stellar - you are transported to the world of the French Revolution, and the love story yani there was a time I was crying - well thats not surprising  I was weeping for the Help...So after two and a half hours of non-stop music I was like Django aint got nothing on this...So after the movie I met the ka girl in the bathroom ms. I-am-watching-it-for-the-second time and she was crying and I was like I feel you sista - white sista!So long of the short dont let the title fool you its beautiful its captivating the trailer did not do it justice and am glad Anne Hathaway got a golden globe for something...so here is the trailer for you to get a sense of  my excitement ....http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IuEFm84s4oI

Back in the day buffet

If Jam a delic, Rustrut, KTN Niaje mean anything to you this video will make you smile http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Prlz9VRdJB8

What greater Love has he ...

 Yep yep yep today we have pics finally (after requesting permission of course)So yes today I was on that dreaded monster that everyone has sworn to stay away from as part of their new year resolutions - yep Facebook - cmon guys you know you miss it.... and I was moved by my friend Ms. B who shaved her hair in solidarity with her boyfriend who is undergoing chemo.Betty told me "he is the bravest person she has met and he inspires her everday and she would shave her head a thousand times over if she could."I first met Ms B a couple of years back we were bridesmaids at a wedding.The thing that struck me the most about her is that she is one person who knows the real meaning of YOLO .she takes life by the horns and is not afraid to let go of the shore.... The first pic is him in a chemo session and she is holding on tight to his hand.Then you can see he is the one shaving off her hair and finally the final product....And for real I immediately thought of the scripture what greater love has a man that he would lay down his life for another...well this is a whole different kind of sacrifice but for me it resonates with what true love is and should be all about - standing with you through the thick and the thin.Through sickness and in health till death shall we part....I have been thinking a lot about this the last couple of weeks I work with a population in their early nineties - yes  people who have lived through the first and second world wars.These are people who have dined in Paris , one of my favorite ladies has been all over the world six times, some were CEOs of companies I cannot write here, they have mansions in Florida but at the end of it all ...only one thing stands the loves of their life....There are so many couples who bring me immense warmth and joy.One of them the wife is a hospice patient - like literally on her death bed and EVERYDAY the old little husband comes in with a walker to sit beside her and hold her hand and she says nothing and he leaves after half an hor but for him thats the best half an hour in his day.I remember last week when we took he out of bed for dinner he found her in the dining room the husband was so happy I overhead him tell a perfect stranger "They took my wife out of bed to the dining room today." I could not help but smile.Another couple married 68 years every day at four pm the husband visits from downstairs and trust me at three forty five Mrs X is always antsy 'I wonder where he is ?" Penny we have been married sixty eight great years!!! she tells me, and they have been the happiest of my life.And then sure enough at 3:59 you hear the door open I hear her "There he is!!" and I am suddenly forgotten and there he goes -  wheeling her down the corridor...This by the way is EVERYDAY...I am saddened to think of the day when the clock will strike four and the door will not open...what will I tell her? Usually they say such couples when one dies the other never lasts long..There are so many other little vignettes of love here and there but my main thing is how beautiful love is...I looked at the pic of my friend Ms B shaving her hair and was like these are the moments that define life so you go gal stand by your Mr. man!!!

Using 19th century solutions to solve 21st century problems

This seems to be a blog post I started sometime last year...and since the book I am reading is right up this alley I think I just might finish it today...........Okay so the other day I was packing lunch in the wee hours of morning - lets say 5:45 - yeah the perils of a morning shift  and as I had the cars rush past - yeah my house is like right near the road it hit me wow I am as good as the workers in the industrial revolution.... I have become number one fan of Seth Godin -subscribe to his blog follow him on you tube, twirrer you name it.... he is one of the best inspirational speakers of this century - esp on matters that are enterprenural related.so anyhu...Seth - yeah am on first name basis is on a quest to get peopls mindset away from the industrial revolution mindset and realize *in a flavor Flave accent "What time it is!!!So anyway back to my little morning prep so as I got ready I begun thinking of how Seth talks of the era of industrialization was characterized by mass production of the same good, people doing the same routine only with specialized tasks (read as job description) and as I packed my lunch this morning and heard the cars zoom by as people went to work I had a Seth lightbulb go off.I instantly remembered the days going to primo stuck in traffic on Mbagathi road and crowds of people from Kibera would walk past in groups going to Industrial area to look for a days pay for a days work doing menial labor for minimum wage.It hit me that right there defines the age of the industrial revolution where hoards and hoards of workers would go to the industries work from dawn to dusk and get cash money at the end of the day.You dont show up you dont get paid simple...So anyhu for me I feel that so many of us are industrial workers and yet we do not even know it...I think thats a reason I LOATHE punching in and out of work - it reminds me that I am working on a clock if I dont punch in I dont get paid.I remember the first time I went to Six Flags with my good friend Priscie and I told her "wow I would love to be one of these people running the machines. it seems like such a fun job," and she told me "yeah but after a while I think it gets monotonous you doing the same thing over and over again - strapping people in giving a smile and saying enjoy your ride over and over again..." I think my gal Priscie figured it out long time ago - I see on her Linkedin she is the founder of a food retail company...ok I am sooo digressing let me get back in focus...where was I yes....so what was I saying there was a friend of mine we went to college together after high school well one semester before we both dropped out (yup my name is Penny and I am / was a college dropout) yes we both dint finish the CPA course...so anyway the other day I saw he mad the top 30 under 30 enterprenuers in Kenya he started an online financial advising service called Pesa Talk.So I checked out the webpage - you can check it out here http://pesatalk.com/ and damn the brother has done over and above what school taught him. And this is one of the two prinicipals I will touch on....The first is seeking job creation as opposed to job description.I feel a description limits us in terms of the things we can do and limits our going over and above anything we set out to do....And that is why in so many "work" places especially in this great nation of America I often hear the phrase "Its not my job" and trust me that makes me want to gag!!Reminds me of the British sitcom Whose Line is it anyway? Why limit yourself to just  that little cubicle and computer you have been assigned to?My family was in the States for six months and one thing my mum said is that the American system can/ has made you people zuzuz i.e dumb lol(said with love) .Reason being there are "jobs" left right center you go to Mc Donalds we are hiring you go to Macys we are hiring and guess what you will get hired to do the same thing that Mr X who was fired last month was doing...and as long as we have "jobs" we get comfortable as long as we are paying our bills we are comfortable forgetting that The world has changed Governor!!One of Seths quotes from his book Linchpin is  once someone is hired and given their description the presumption is " follow these instructions and you dont have to think.Do your job and you dont have to be responsible for your actions.In every corporation in every country in the world people are waiting to be told what to do..."
However for me I think The difference between here and Africa is that  jobs are not handed to you on a silver platter instead there are "opportunities for job creation"  - startup companies are everywhere - people are using the little they have to trade (read as Soko Kuu) , invest in the stock market...So anyway I can go on and on and on but I think we are living in a society / world where things are changing so rapidly - where knowledge can be deemed useless unless applied to figuring things out and creating new ideas and inventions that can change people lives.And the interesting thing is that we are all born with this innate ability to be curious - dont you remember as a little child how you would crawl into things open things - want to know whats inside this box but as we grow older society has a way of "tricking" us - for lack of a better word into conforming to the status quo by giving us a map - do this, go to college, graduate get a job settle down and just be quiet in your role....However I can say with full confidence that the changing world belongs to those who are not waiting to be handed a road map by anyone - but instead are braving their own paths that others may follow.Those creating new projects - like the Chariots of Destiny Adopt a chair project - brilliant idea to raise funds to donate a wheelchair to a disabled person each month.(mini sales pitch)..Okay thats my welcome 2013 blog post with a bang as you can see...I hope its not a blog post thats made you go like huh whats all this???

One of my fav quotes from the amazing book I am reading

Stand up and be remarkable.Be human.Contribute.Interact.Take the risk that you might make someone upset with your initiative , innovation  and insight - turns out you may probably delight them instead.

Suicide : and why we need to have this discussion and many others...

I know I know the title is not that great...actually none of the blog posts this year have been feel good pump you up blog posts lol but trust me I am in a much happier place than I was last year at the start of the year and the posts are just to stir conversation and get you thinking....Sooooo this past weekend after church D and I had lunch with one of our dear friends lady E...We had a blast of a time laughter, great food, great convo it was awesome...so the discussion shifted to a girl who was found dead in her dorm room at one of the colleges last weekend.So they said we will be awaiting the postmortem results and of course in the hush hush that was, everything has been swept under the rug - however there are reports that it may have been suicide.So lady E says "you know what I do not even want to know how she died I only want to remain with good memories of her." Which granted is a fair statement to make of course no one wants to know the details. I however I feel its about time such discussions are brought to the table before its a little to late.Yes I know you may be wondering hallo what is there to talk about with something so wrong so painful so unnaterable in a public setting (even in a private blog its hard for me to type out the word suicide) and maybe this is just the public health person that I am trying to prevent disease instead of cure disease which is all public health is about. I think the importance of having this discussion especially with Africans is because just like HIV AIDS in the 90s was stigmatized and oh my goodness once you heard so and so died of AIDS everyone kind of turned the other way.Even as recently as two years  I have an aunt who passed away because for one she refused to believe that she had contracted the HIV virus and hence refused to take her ARV medication.Needles to say she was gone less than three years after she contracted AIDS.So my thing is we as the 21st century generation we need to start having conversations on matters that were and maybe still are considered taboos in our society because needles to say they are affecting people we know and we cannot continue to to turn a blind eye...My uncle it took almost two years before we all knew he had colon cancer -and this was when he was almost gone- I used to think "cancer is a disease of the Western world - of those bad people living in UK and America" I remember thinking as a little girl.But cancer is real and alive in Africa as it is in the US. Sooo back to the topic of the day suicide..I remember in my mental health class in college we had a whole topic on suicide and a couple of things that stood out for me was that no suicide will happen in isolation - there is always that one person who has been told either in passing or directly.The proffesor I remember said if someone tells you they are thinking of committing suicide the first thing you want to ask them is do they have a plan?Secondly before someone commits suicide they will always try reach out to someone...Third there are a couple of warning signs - from increased depression, lack of interest in things that previously brought pleasure (anhedonia) etc etc...So with all this in mind it begs the question why sweep things under the rug - yes right now its so painful for the family to even think and of course there is the guilt trip Oh my goodness if I had listened more spent more time reached out etc etc so probably right now the discussion would not be so great but somewhere down the road and even in regular social circles we need to be able to reach across the table to our neighbor who may be hurting.So thats my little spill for the day - I just felt its necessary to put this out here for as long as such discussions keep being avoided we will see more and more people fall victim to our own ignorance - for lack of a better word here.If you or a family member has / had breast cancer start doing breast self exams, if a family member has Alzheimers dont ignore early warning signs - the forgetfulness, if you are sexually active make sure you know your partners status,diabetes, if you can afford have a blood pressure monitor in the house and check your blood pressure regularly - high blood pressure is a silent killer its the only one disease secondary to AIDS with no immediate signs and symptoms - your pressure could be in the 200s and you look fit as a fiddle for months on end until you start crashing all of a sudden,  if your a man over fifty make sure  you go have your prostate checked for PSA - an antigen that tests for prostate cancer. I am so passionate on public health matters - I grew up knowing I wanted to go to med school at some point but over the course of my college career and after I find more passion (and its less costly) in trying to prevent instead of cure so public health seems to be my passion project  well...for now...lol

Ni mwathani!!!

Lol I know its a  weird blog post...so today I have finally got around to slowly getting the house back in shape after the Kardashians left.Seriously last week I was going through Kubler Ross stages of grief I mean everything all went down last week.After six months of coming home to the smell of chapatis , Steve Harvey blaring on the TV "thats a good answer!" with his new day time gig on Family Feud , Adisa barking orders on her Dragon laptop, Jessy on I heart radio jamin to some bump that shake that music is what i call it... I instead came home last week to silence, darkness.I had ever heard my neighbor upstairs move and fo once I heard her....There were days I would come home from an overnight the past six months and just pray for a little hole to crawl into and sleep and now I have it....And on top of that I also left the job I had called home for the last five years.Ladies who I had grown to know as friends I had known to see their behaviors coming from a mile away and grown to see them as unique individuals with unique capabilities despite their developemental disabilities. They made me the sweteest manila huge poster with spelling so wrong it made me smile , " You always in our thought and heart.." " You make a work hard nurse." " We missed you so much so ." and on and on...It was bittersweet - but yes I felt it was time to leave - you know the four - 5 year cycle of a job - after every 4-5 years I think its important to review yourself at your work place to avoid the burnout which is where I was headed with that one....so yes it was as though the rug was snatched from beneath my feet last week and yes I was allowed my one week of grief......HOWEVER you know me I bounce back and bounce back I have...Today I have finally started making the house mine  - fixing this moving that...Soo anyhu back to the topic Ni Mwathani was a phrase we coined this trip and trust me God has seen us as a family through the past six months...You know I look back now and think wait a minute we never lacked food - actually we had the ice creams and the pork chops..rent was paid on time.I mean so many things happened the last six months that all I can say ni Mwathani.
I meet a guy at a parking lot who took the adopt a chair project vision and run with it - introducing it to his church who donated ten wheelchairs.
My special soldiers - Joanie and Dennz who -  did shopping and sacrificed their time energy and selves in various forms to make my families stay worthwhile
Two special ladies stepped up on so many occasions when I was not at home to take madthe and the other Kardashians from walks on the beach ice cream and Friday dinner...
I reconnected with a friend from Jersey who just moved to Mass for work and she also rounds up her ten people who will be giving through direct deposit for the adopt a chair project
I got a job only to loose it after about three weeks only to find out that one of my patients' sister was a nurse manager and she was impressed at how I looked after her sister and pushed for my application at an even better and fabulous faccility that is and ten minutes away  I get a position with benefits - which I dint have since I was done with school - finally I can get contacts!!!
I get the best neighbour who embraced my family and dint rat on me to the landlord that I was harboring guests for more than three weeks as stipulated in the lease - we nicknamed her Wanjiku on the last day as really she is an Oreo - white on the outside but a black sister on the inside!! lol
I finally got to see my dad and little sister after six years - form four leaver granted a visitors visa to the US in 2012 - well after putting up a fight ;) 
At departure they were allowed two yes TWO extra pieces of luggage at no cost - yes Delta that are looking for funding left right center some lady just came from nowehere and deemed them " for medical use"

All in all I can say Ni Mwathani on so many fronts - I havent even begun to mention how I got this house two days before they came on the ground floor - no stairs - which so helped with trasnfers... just when I was about to give up -  there was a day I was so fed up driving around making so many calls looking for a place getting so many rejections and I actually just pulled over and balled my eyes out...so all in all Ni Mwathani His ways are definately not ours and for real this last six months I have seen his hand.So as I slowly wean myself off - and finally get around to turning on the TV - yeah I am not so big on tv all I can say is there is a power greater than self that never sleeps never slumbers knows the hairs on our head knows every tear that we shed and his name is Yahweh!!!

Last Clinic Chemo, Tuesday October 17th, 2012

This is a special little girl I have been following she just finished her chemo...gosh I love the blogosphere that miles away I can know such an amazing family and little girl ...Van Gheem Family: Last Clinic Chemo, Tuesday October 17th, 2012: Please forgive the lateness of this post. I have been writing it for days, but this one was tough. I kept re-reading what I was writing...

Life as she sees it

So last week I had an amzing opportunity to cross paths with a woman I will never forget especially if I think of the cartoon Beauty and the Beast.I had not planned to pick up such a short shift - four hours was what it was - a four hours that will forever remain etched in my memory.All the scheduler told me is that she is "legally blind".I was like ok cool no sweat...So I Buzz the door and am met by a boisterous and yet sweet Portugese voice Who is it???Its Penny from XYZ company.....oh come in...So I go in and meet this short lady lets call her Mrs E standing with dark sunglasses at four pm on a beautiful fall day and a million dollar smile on her face.Oh come in Ms P!! she tells me.She welcomes me and begins to give me a tour of her bachelorette pad.I notice how everything in the apartment is spick and span.I notice the pictures on the wall - I always notice the pictures on the walls in all the patients rooms as I believe they tell a story of their lives- their children , their sisters,their grandchildren , husbands they lost in the army etc etc...I notice Ms E on the wall and I ask her why she is carrying a piano of which she smiles (there is the million dollar smile again) Ms P you are so silly thats an accordion my friend!!!I play the accordion harmonica and the piano.I will play you my favorite songs she says.I squeal with glee and tell her I cant wait.As I sit down to read her chart I see Ms E was born with congenital bilateral anopthalmia - born with no eyeballs.My eyes slowly widen - no pun as I look at Ms E - you mean to tell me behind those dark sunglasses there is like vacuum??air? like nothing.She notices my silence and asks what I was doing - I mutter just going through the chart.After a while she is ready to play me her favorite classic on her harmonica and then she begins for all the cartoon lovers...tale as old as time...song as old as rhyme..Beauty and the Beast.She goes on and on and I sit in silence like those kids in african stories who used to gather around the fire as the grandmother told stories.It was the most beautiful music I had heard.She finished and I was absolutely blown away.We later had dinner and talked about everything and anything under the sun -I sung for her an South African song - Sandela which she mouthed along and we laughed at her poor pronunciation ...She told me she is such a beast in the morning and is not a morning person she loves her beauty sleep - get it Beauty and the Beast - an area where we clicked anyone who knows me knows how I am soo not a mornign person.... she asked me about my family - what I went to college to study, I told her I took a Spanish class - so between us finding a happy medium of her teaching me Portugese which she said some words were the same as Spanish we darn well communicated.The word that stuck in my head she told me was contente which in Portugese means happy.I thought of the English word content as I looked at Ms E and thought she is the epitome of the word content. She is content in her skin; eyeballs or not she has learnt to live and make music in the darkness, and most important smile through the darkness.I thought of my bunkermate in form one who was also blind.Her smile was like sunshine on a cloudy day.I can only think of how tough it was  - if you know Kenyan high schools you know how you need a whole bunch of patience on those second form col mornings when there was no water to shower ;) ...But it is such moments spending time with with Mrs E that make life worth living.She deposited in my life and I hopefully deposited in hers.And I hope that we may all embrace such moments and open our hearts to the experience of meeting people who may be "different" from us.My path may never cross again with Mrs E but it was a subtle reminder for me to stop and smell the roses, apreciate the beautiful sunset.As I left she told me to turn off all the lights and I left her folding clothes in the dark as she sung.It was a bit awkward at first but it reminded me that life is painted in different colours for different people - it all depends how you see it.


Don't walk in front of me; I may not follow. Don't walk behind me; I may not lead. Just walk beside me and be my friend.”

That we many never forget...

So this has been a summer of diverse reads for me....my journey started with fifty shades - which I left halfway - yeah am one of those feminists going like Oh no Mr Grey you did not or maybe unlike Rihanna chains dont excite me... so my journey continued with the book Accountants Story -  Medellin cartel in Colombia led by Pablo Escobar - the Al Capone of South America.This was one of the first cartels to make millions out of the boomin drug industry...I then travelled to Zimba ma Bawe in the book House of stone that captured the life of two families living in Southern Rhodesia -  Zimbabwe at the time- one a rich white Rhodesian family and the other a poor Shona family living in the era of revolutions and turmoils and the hope of empty promises that Mugabe begun to make thirty years ago.....I was tempted to re-read Left to tell - discovering God amidst the Rwandan genocide however an even more interesting book caught my eye - First they killed my father - a daughter of Cambodia remembers.I just finished that book yesterday and my oh my talk of hard to put down.The book is a page turner...I tell you you read that book and your problems seem like childs play...So in a nutshell Cambodia from '75-79 was under military rule of the Khmer rouge who terrorized citizens...it was so bad that when the came to power the called it - year 0 yani we are exterminating who we feel like and starting to rebuild this city from scratch.Yani there were like minnie concentration camps and if you belonged to the previous government you were killed anyway its a great book.The reason of my title "that we may never forget" is as I was reading of the struggles that th Cambodians endured I started to think of the many Cambodians I used to work with at some company - am talking third or fourth generation immigrants who were born here went to elementary high school and college here...and I was wonderign oh my goodness I hope they have an idea of the history of their country and the blood that was shed for them to be chasing this elusive American dream...I think of the year of the Rwandan genocide - just the other day - 1994 gosh I was comfortable in a standard three class somewhere in Nairobi while so many innocent lives were lost...ok am kinda diverting.But my point is as I was driving by the defunct Borders the other day oh no not even Borders I was at the clinic today with my mum and we see on a wall - every child who behaves takes a book to go with" or somethign to that extent.Basically here pls give your child a book.I thought wow I hoe our history does not get lost in translation over the generations...I hope ten twenty years from now you can ask a Kenyan kid born today pls tell me about the Mau Mau and the struggle for independence...I hope I will be able to have a conversation in twenty years with a Cambodian about the Khmer rouge without getting a deer in the headlights look.And I know some have argued let the past bury the dead but I feel if we do not have a heritage to look back to we will not have a  future to stand and fight for....anyway am loving expanding my reading horizons and oh oh oh I am following a blog that is so inspiring - a familys batttle with their young girls cancer its so inspiring...you can check it out here  http://gheemers.blogspot.com/

Isnt the paralympics just as special? - shame on you NBC

As usual I always blog when something bothers my heart...so here I am..I asked it in 08 and I will ask it again...is the regular olympics more important than the paralympics - thank heavens the name was changed from special olympics..I mean gosh NBC its just 11 days from your busy schedule.I dunno why you could do three whole weeks for the regular olympics and yet even the paralympics opening ceremony had no airtime...I have many solutions to this problem Mr Jaque Roggue 1.)i think paralympics should be held hand in hand with the regular olympics kwani all you have to do is increase the number of days. 2.)paralympics then should be held first if you must split them up 3.)have st least some coverage even though its midnight something at least for people to know there are paralympics going on hallo or am I the only one in on this...

Of freshman fever and alumnitis

So I was walking on campus the other day and I meet a group of freshmen walking in groups with their leaders according to their last names.Their excitement was palpable as they walked through the college campus with bright blue orientation bags carrying other paraphanelia...I felt a tinge of nostalgia looking back thinking wow there are just about to begin their college career.And as a fresh alumni I immediately begun to think wow they are starting off on an amazing journey.I wished I could gather them all together and tell them that they will start off as one hundred kids but not everyone will make it to graduation - and not because they will not make the grade - but for some they will realize that college may not be the path they want to take and will still succeed if they fully believe in themself - look at Mark Zukerburg...I would tell them to expose themself to classes outside the curriculum - from glassblowing to a spanish class, to study abroad if they can.I will tell them that in college some will meet their life long partners.I will tell them expect to change your major a million and one times - I did that four times from Bio to Psychology to business to Nursing - wasted time but it exposed me to the areas I know I particularly do not excell at.I will tell them to value their professors and its not enough to slip in and out of class and for the professor to know just their name on the roster - as the professors have some brilliant minds and (great networks in the job market).I would tell them to EXHAUST any resource they can on campus - scholarships, grants, research studies,internships.Speaking of internships I would tell them to spend half their semesters researching and applying for internships and fellowships,half their summers on the beach and the other half participating in internships from their first year - yes first year...I caught on too late cough cough ;)..I would tell them to diversify their friends circle - you will learn so much from the Chinese kid and the international student from Nigeria.I would tell them if they can find a way to pay off their loans bit by bit during summer breaks to avoid finishing with a huge loan after college,.I would tell them there are nights you will want to throw your hands in the air and  give up - cold winter nights when projects are due and you still have to work and make the grade - but it will all be worth it when you take that pic in your gown and cap with your loved on graduation day.I would tell them to be careful who they hung out with coz that close buddy of yours father is the CEO of a huge investment firm and will be guaranteed a position after college even if they get a 1.0 GPA and as for you ...you will just have your resume and diploma to show for it and not the nights you two spent partying....But most of all I would tell them enjoy the ride,enjoy the campus activities, make friends , take time off to smell the flowers on campus - life is never that serious...sigh I think I have a case of alumnitis...

Penny 101 - Ten random things you may(or may not know) about me

Its a random day at work - Labor day to be exact and am bored out of my mind.I have been on th einternet for a good two hours - doing a lot of going up and down the blogosphere - wow there are good writers out there..and here i am back to the place I call home - simply me...So i have decided to come up with a list of things about me my likes dislike kinda like am looking for a penpal lol remember that in that Saturday magazine growing up in Kenya what was the name of that magazine it was on Sunday - kitty help me out here - oh yes Young Nation I remember my sister had a penpal from Sweden and sijui where - funny they never wrote back to me lol - my letters boring much???

1.)I love Ferrero Rocher chocolate - yeah the hazelnut covered almond chocolate balls love love love my friend Fizz babes got me a whole 24 box for my 19th birthday I always remember her for that noble act.I always sneak one in the shoppping cart at Market Basket- hey they put them right there at the front as you wait for the line to move they are like literal gold nuggets calling out.."Pennny...Penny.."
2.)Outdoor, nature and water make me think of buying a cannon camera....dennz knows I am always  looking for places that are near water...
3.)Sagging jeans make me roll my eyes a million and one times..I saw some guy in lawrence the other day with jeans on his knees and I had to do a time check...are we in 2012....lol to think I dated a guy who used to sag his jeans from here to Mexico with huge Timbalands and thought he looked so cool(sheepish smile) - hey I was young..
4.)I am still a sucker for the Best man the movie like I can watch it again tonight like right now....I watched Think like a man yesterday well yesterday and today I just am not able to finish a whoel movie...and it was ok...eye candy definately but still does nto match up to best man...
5.)I was the shyest girl in primary like seriously I could go a whole day without talking to anybody...then Quabbz happened then America happened then Salem State happened then blogspot and voila I guess I slowly came out of the closet - not in that way butya feel me??
6.)I was the bell ringer in high school and yet I am such a horrible time keeper - like I just cant get to anywhere at the designated time - except work where there is a darn punching in machine...
7.)I always see the inherent good in everyone even though my sister says it will screw me over in life as not everyone has your best interests at heart...
8.)I love love to volunteer - though I have slowed down in the recent past....that gap year after high school when guys were in IT and German school I was at Barnados slicing carrots for lunch for the kids..I was so happy the day I got a "promotion" to the baby nursery from the kitchen and was holding and feeding the babies milk...lol...and volunteering in Georgia building houses was also a highlight in my college career - met some warm amazing people.There is something priceless about being a volunteer - and I have had a heated discussion with my good friend Prisci as she reckons volunteers need to be paid and therein lies the problem...for me I believe there is no price value you can attach on volunteering like its priceless what do you think??
9.)I think am such a free spirit.I love the travel channel and watching the bizzare foods show from different parts of the world...my favorite saying  "I believe the world is too round to sit at a corner." There are so many things to see so many cultures to experience foods to taste.
10.)My LONG -TERM memory is almost photogenic I can replay to you an event exactly the way it happened what happened next where we were what the person was wearing ..i know spooky right HOWEVER my SHORT term memory is PATHETIC.I have parked my car at an airport parkign lot and spent an HOUR an hour lookign for it..well it was a rental so maybe I can pas son that one..no but seriously I forgot things that just happened but ask me a year later about the parkign space and I will direct it to you...weird but true ...
11.)I have a thing with capital cities - maybe its tied in to my love for travel...I wish there was a game show called state the capital city - Turkey - Istanbul, Madagascar - Antananarivo,Algeria - Algiers,DR - Santo Domingo, Peru - Lima, Chad - Noukachot, Rwanda - Kigali,Belgium - Brussels,Niger - Niamey,Tunisia - Tunis.....I think the Geog teacher for primary was bad a**..

Okay thats my two minutes of fame for the day..;)
oh a line I loved from think like a man "Boys shack up men build homes ." Yeah its cliche but it was just so spot in in the movie....

Of why I love the olympics - and believe we are all Olympians

Okay so the Olympics just concluded last Sunday - kudos UK you did an OK job nothing mind blowing or goo goo ga ga actually it was a tad bit confusing mara spice girls sijui who mara sijui what - yeah I know your trying to keep up with the tech times and youth lakini aaaiii...so anyhu...for me Olympics speaks to a place of my childhood I look back with relish - all of us as a family on the couch watching the 92 opening ceremony of the Barca olympics - I was cough cough years old - lets just say it was my first olympics... and twenty years later Olympics for me still makes me shed tears..Yani I hear the stories of the athletes - there is this Chinese dude who last Olympics in Beijing sprained his muscle as he jumped over the first hurdle immediately disqualified  and four years later after sweat and tears and sleepless nights injures himself again just after the start of the race.Then I think of the American sprinter who was raped by her uncle and has kept it a secret up until last year and she says "running provided her a release from all the anger."Oh and then boy oh boy actually the reason I am blogging today...her name is Gabby Douglas.Little girl with big dreams.yani at fourteen she left home for a year to train with the best and said hey I need to be on that stage mamma and the only way I can do this is if I sacrifice...Yani you see her perform you see the determination in her eyes before she jumps and you cant help but think darn the power of the human will to do anything and break any barriers.You see the pain and tears on their faces when they loose a match by one one hundreth of a second - whatever that means lol....The tears streaming down their faces as the winning flags are going up and their countrys anthem is being sung - you can only begin to wonder what is going through their heads they see the flag go up - the nights they stayed up practicing , the muscles they sprained , the family they had to stay away from for a while ....Gabby Douglas said she does not watch when the other gymnasts are performing she is only focusing on beating her own time.I think of Usain Bolt he as he is sprinting like a cheetah not focusing on anyone around him but beating his own world record..A favorite line comes to my head something like "chase the dream not the competition"...Oh and this one I stole from Seth Godins blog "The problem with competition is that it takes away the requirement to set your own path, to invent your own method, to find a new way. When you have competition, it's the pack that decides what's going to happen next, you're merely trying to get (or stay) in front.
Competing with yourself is more difficult, requires more bravery and leads to more insight."
So anyway I believe we are all Olympians in our own right - yeah I know sounds weird .... you may not be swimming in an Olympic sized pool or doing sky high Gaby jumps but if your constantly wanting better from yourself, pushing yourself to be the best you can be - whether its being the best writer, mother, carpet cleaner, cook, CEO, husand , nurse , anything...that my friend is your Olympic podium...okay thats my two minute of blegh.....meanwhile kudos to Afghanistan and the other countries that had women for the first time ...