My thirty before thirty ;)

So in a few weeks the year is coming to an end.....The year has been awesome - a rollercoaster of sorts...the highlight of my year has been walking down the aisle to a song I have replayed in my head since the first time I heard it... to meet my best friend and hubby at the end of an aisle to say I do -  for now and for always...But yes after years of friendship dating road trips we finally said I do and I keep saying what the heck were we waiting for...It has been a new journey - we have a little christmas tree that is ornament malnourished - but hey it is our first tree..little memories we are making in our little apartment...So as the year is coming to a close as always I like to push of step back exhale and take it all in - the accomplishments of the year, the fears,the joy and laughter, the struggles and look forward to the new year....And this year it has hit me - this is my last year in my 20s and you know me - I like to close things off with a bang - heck I had to sky dive before I got married ;)..So the last couple of weeks I have been fortunate to work at MGH Yawkey Center for Thoracic Cancers.I have sat with, held back tears and held hands with patients as they were told  that their cancer had spread and was not responding to chemo. I have laughed with them as they retold stories of days when they were active before "this thing" happened, but the toughest has been answering questions such as, "how long do I have left?" But being encouraged my those who tell me you know what Penny you have to enjoy each day coz you never know when "this thing " can hit you.....So this year will be a year of chasing the dream and not the competition, trying things that will challenge me, I will not be afraid to jump higher, run faster, love deeper. Because at the end of the day I will be more dissaponted by the things that I did not do than by the one I did...So first on my list is learning how to play an instrument...I have been contemplating between a violin and a saxophone and finally settled on the violin.The other day when I was taking the train into Boston there was the most beautiful violin player on the red - line...It was so good that one by one people stopped looking down on their cell phones and just stopped to listen.....It is just beautiful.Here is a song that sealed the deal for me today as well why I want the violin https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xwsYvBYZcx4..So here goes to the violin and many other things to do in my thirty before thirty list ;)...Feels great to be back in teh blogosphere ;) Queen p

I have no title for this one

Wow so sometimes when I am at work I am awed by the amazing experiences I have with people from all walks of life...I am humbled how they are so respectful to me as the "charge nurse" that I sometimes feel like telling them guys relax keep calm its not that serious...No but seriously like yani what strikes me the most is that outside of work - after we have stripped out all the titles after our names, put down the stethoscope and the badges there is no nurse or nurse assistant there are just fathers, mothers - some single mothers who are just trying to get by...The other day one nursing assistant - and I am talking like white hair he is a daddy kind of old...he came with his camera to show me pictures of his three kids and his wife,,,He is like I am going to nursing school and working on getting a downpayement for a house so we can move in next year. Another one came with her camera to show me her daughter and how she is working hard for her to go to the best school. Today during training I sat near a lady Ms. X she also whipped out her phone and begun to show me pics from her vacation to Marthas Vineyard with her two sons - dad walked out on them after they arrived in the country from Peru. This lady is constantly working I tell you so she told me she saved up this past summer to take her boys for a vacay this past summer - I almost had tears in my eyes...So where was I going with this ..oooh so my point is what a humblign experience it is...anyway there is really no moral of this story I just had to put it down on paper...

Interesting quote that was said during the orientation,

We should look for someone to eat and drink with before looking for something to eat and drink 

 - Epicurus -

My 30 before 30

So I will be turning 30 soon....how soon is irrelevant its the what do I hope to do before then thats more relevant...Sooo in all my craziness the organizations Doctors without Borders sent out a plea for people to volunteer as nurses doctors etc to go to Liberia to help with the Ebola outbreak...Of course you know this would be my dream job so I randomly submitted an application - just for the heck of it...sadly I got a regret email - no surprises here but it was to the extent that they have filled the spots and in addition are looking for very specialized help - experience in tropical medicine...I was like what the heck??I thought I was a tropical health guru, speaking my fluent swahili and broken Spanish I thought would be a plus but I guess not (sigh)...So anyhu this got me thinking about 30 things I would want to have done by the time I am 30...I hae for the longets time always written down things - from resolutions heck I even wrote down the 10 things I was looking for in a man when I was right out of high school...and yes my hubby D is all of them and more...So here goes...

My 30 before 30 :

1.) Travel to Ireland and the Islands of Greece.
2.) Go skydiving - done!!!
3.) Go on a missions trip to a country with a broken health care system and help rebuild it.
4.)Succesfully complete a 5k Marathon.
5.)Be able to comfortably play an instrument - preferrably a violin or a saxophone - I love Jazz.
6.)Complete a Masters degree.
7.)Get married - done!!June 14th 2014!!What an honor to be married to my best friend. such a trip and what a riot great times ahead papi!
8.) Go to Golden Beach Hotel in Mombasa and house Number 11 in Lang'ata and relieve all our childhood memories.
9.) Have our first child - cant wait!!!
10.) Find our househelp growing up - her name is Tabbu from Mikindani in in Mombasa and tell her how awesome she is - well this may be a lifetime quest.
11.) Give a speech in front of a large group of people - done !!Commencement speech 2012!!
12.)Either cut my hair into a bob or do dreadlocks - one or the other somethings gotta gove with this mane.
13.)Help someone achieve a goal / dream they have always wanted - life coach kinda thing.
14.)Make my first million kshs...random lol not huge on money but hey would not be bad to check the bank  account and see six zeros..;)
15.) Be in a place I can comfortably work from home on the days I choose and decide the days I want to go in to the office, clinic, whatever it may be.
16.)Go for a live concert of either - Boys to men, John Legend, Beyonce Israel and the New Breed..
17.)See Cirque Du Soleil live - done!!!They are amazing!!
18.) Meet Paul Farmer shake his hand look him in the eye and tell him YOU ROCK!!!- he is my health mentor, guru this man rocks he is the 21st century Mahatma Ghandi in my opinion...founder o Partners in Health google him/them
19.) Backpack / hike in a few countries with nothing but the supplies on my back - so well this may have to be lifetime goal but heck
20.)Have a blog post critiqued by Biko Zulu - done!!To have one of the best Kenyan writers comment about your blog post - fabulous!! its like Joan Rivers saying something nasty about what you are wearing - means it was noticed!!
21.) Have a side hustle as a writer / contributor in an online magazine / publication anything!!I just love / want to write about anything/ everything  - health poverty travel anything!!!
22.)See the death of standardized tests such as SATs, NCLEX, GMAT, GRE, LSAT - they are just someone elses opinion of your capability...and how do you standardize knowledge??how does one lousy exam determine the kind of lawyer someone will be - just let the child enter law school.Oh and also on this I hope in the next few years there will be a rise in homeschooling - school and curriculums are overrated and too structured - why teach students only one way of learning - pass tests...its aggravating to hear someone ask, " Will this  be on the exam?" really??
23.)Take my parents for an all expenses paid vacation to Cape town - or anywhere with a relaxing beach or maybe a cruise - nah my father likes to walk around on land...
24.) Go for a book signing by Chimamanda Ngozi - awesome Nigerian writer.Oh while on this how about attend the premier of the movie Americanah and meet Lupita Nyongo and tell them both Girls you have broken the glass ceilings!!
25.)

through the lens of Kibera

My brother Jona has just sent me this video and even though I have three hours to sleep I could not help but watch it till the bitter end...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cfW_r_4stqs

I hope you do not wait - Of Hospice, ALS and all things end of life

So today I stumbled upon this write up of a blog I follow of a lady who is living with ALS...You can follow her ALS journey here.....Below is a picture of her with her super supportive husband...

I’m glad I didn’t wait to make heartfelt toasts at meals.

I’m glad I didn’t wait to seize the moment with family and friends. Some of the best moments of my life happened with little time to plan.

I’m glad I didn’t wait to invite people to dinner that I didn’t know very well but wanted to know better.

I’m glad I didn’t wait to save and to be generous.

I’m glad I didn’t wait to be that annoying person with the camera.

I’m glad I didn’t wait to forgive.

I hope you don’t wait.

So yesterday at work I admitted a lady at work for hospice care. Basically she had come to slowly ease her transition into end of life...We literally sat on a table with her two daughters - who I remember had the most perfect teeth and the hospice nurse.So her daughters told us all about her - her most favorite things that she loved doing what she liked to be called and basically the hospice nurses continued to tell the daughters how we would continue to monitor her and administer Levsin - a medication given towards the end as her secretions got worse which the hopsice nurse I quote said, "though that will come much later," Today as I was home checking my work email - which after today I will stay away from - I see the woman I admitted passed away overnight...I was filled with shock, disbelief, like what the heck happened?? based on her admitting diagnosis I think two things may have happened either she had a brain herniation or an internal bleed or maybe just maybe her time had come early - for we know not the time or the hour..Either way I immediately begun thinking of her daughters - I remember them leaving last night saying, " Goodnight mum see you tommorrow." Did they have closure?Had they said all the Goodbyes and I love yous??Elizabeth Kubler Ross describes the stages of grief as going from Denial to Anger to Bargaining to Depression and finally Acceptance...I do not know at what stage her daughters were however I do hope that they look back at mums life with a sense of fulfilment...Kind of like she has run the race and finished the race as quoted from Timothy.

I know of another lady in Nairobi who was recently diagnosed stage four breast cancer that has mestastasized to her lungs. It has been heart wrenching to hear of the pain that she is enduring as Hospice care is not as specialized as it is in the Western world...Most of the care that is afforded in hospitals is really acute in nature so end of life care in the developing world leaves the healthcare staff with an  ok what are we supposed to do here???Anyway the long of the short in the last few weeks/ months I have realized how in a blink of an eye the equation of this thing called life can change - so it does not hurt to be the wind beneath someone elses wings, to be the the light to a dark world, to be the hope to another human , not be afraid to say I love you - Mother Teresa said it best - love until it hurts -  because tommorrow is not promised all we have are the moments that make up today... 

Pinchos - where all pictures have a back story ;)

Lol so the pinchos have a story of their own...so Dennz was so hungry one of the days i think we were downtown somwhere yani he was almost throwing a tantrum when I told him okay instead of getting a snack why dont we hold on a little longer we go eat a proper meal - which he came to thank me for later...Lakini after i said no to the Pinchas - which by the way are like small pieces of chicken on a stick like mshikaki type - heh dint Dennz have a fit lol - you know when this guy gets hungry all hell breaks loose so I had to take a pic of a Pinchos mobile kitchen which we laughed at after we had eaten a big plate of real food...

A day in Old San Juan

So Old San Juan was the old capital of Puerto Rico during Spanish rule - duh - old san juan...so we took a  trip there on Sunday the main itinerary - me and my itineraries for trips even to a New York Day trip I had an itinerary of arrival time what we would do and for how long lol of course it all ends up getting tossed out the window but trust me they help so anyhu the itinerary for Sunday was to go to a local church at 10 thirty then do Old San Juan in the afternoon however the long of the short we ended up leaving the hotel at noon and took a bus to Old San Juan which did i mention we waited for about an hour in 80 degree HUMID weather we had to grab a bottle of Fiji water at walgreens Exhibit A

So anyhu after an hour long wait the bus finally showed up the T5 and it took us almost half an hour to get there...our main destination was El Morro basically it was a fort built as a citadel yani bazookas the works -we actually watched a live demo - it was built to protect the city of San Juan and actually the whole of the Carribean at a time when Europe, North America were on a conquest for colonies etc etc ...that is a real condensed version but I think there is a deeper story to this and its history etc etc...but we were just awed by Old San Juan - the music can you imagine salsa, merengue, 24-7, the old roads, the people the food the little cafeteria line the streets all overooking the ocean and we were lucky to catch the annual cultural festival so there were artifacts from different artisans. We got to see a cruise ship that had docked at the harbor, there was even a mini "Trafalgar square" where you could feed the piegeons and of course we had to end our day at a Carribean restaurant and fianlly eat the famous mofongos which is basically mashed plantain so sweet and chicken wrapped in it with rice and beans yani the combo was so good and all the while listening to salsa music...

No Estacion!!

So Dennz and I  have come up with a private joke No Estacion which means is Spanish for no parking. So we are staying on the strip known as Isla Verde basically its on the beach just like the Vegas strip so there are so many hotels including where we are staying at the lovely Inter Continental that has been so good to us...lakini the parking we wacha tu...yani the first night we spent an hour looking for parking only to pay 20 dollars for the night however since then can you imagine we prayed for parking as in we closed our eyes and told God enyewe we are in need of parking for reals and can you imagine we have found parking everyday from all of our travels - oh yes on monday we went to El Yunque which is one of the only rainforests in Northern America can you imagine the splendor the canopies - of course there is a story here I will write in another blog - between the mosquito bites and me falling in a lake lol no surprises here -  like kutumbukiza kwa maji - yes so anyway back to the no Parking so anyway No Estacione aka no parking! But our little white car is so handy its like a ka handbag - perfect car for the islands see some pics below 

My own Kevin Costner ;)

So my amazing hubby and I finally took our long awaited honeymoon we are in Isla de el canto - The island of Enchantment aka Puerto Rico!!!We are in the main city San Juan at the Inter continental ...Today is day three of six and boy have we had a blast!!!Today we were taking a walk at sunset on the beach and i told him there is no one I would rather be experiencing this with than him...I tell you honeymoons are so important it has been a time of such intimacy, laughter, we have prayed together, hiked in a rainforest, walked down pebblestoned roads that line the city of old san juan and the most memorable played table football and I won declaring myself the football queen - rematch before we leave!!!But no on the real we have been so blessed beyond measure to have a time like this to just be in a room listening to the Coqui - small indegenous frog of Puerto rico that chirps at night...beautiful romantic moments we have shared but the one i will never forget was the first night we went out to Old San Juan - it was on Saturday night the streets were packed with night owls party animals we were just strolling the cobblestoen pavements looking for a place to have dinner that we had foind online El Patio was the name of the place...So we asked a police officer for dircetions and  he directed us down some path so innocent us took that path that seemed waay deserted than the rest it was a bit dark but we were like heh the cop knows whats up so as we were walking Dennis pulled me to cross the road and all the while he was silent - and if you know Dennis he is quiet mainly when he is hungry angry or thinking about something very major so we cross the road then he says lets cross here so as we do he says in a stern voice shoot that guy is following us as he turns to look behind...At this point my heart was racing i turn to look and see a guy in black from top to toe stop in his tracks and pretend to pick something off the ground and walk back up ...We start walking fast towards where the crowds were as Dennis says hand me your purse i put it in my back pocket...At this point I was like oh em gee lets get back to the hotel and Dennis is like what makes you special all these are tourists as well so we had our dinner as we recapped our near robbery or whatever heck the guy was trying and I went like damn D you really are my Kevin Costner damn making me fell all Whitney Houston saving our lives coz trust me I had no idea the guy was behind us and all Dennis said - they dont call me Ritho for nothing - Ritho means eye in Kikuyu apparently he had seen the guy earlier on behind us and had lengad but became suspicious when he crossed after we did twice. Yani I felt so safe with Dennz that night yani the last three days have been a reminder of the reasons we chose to say I do on June 14th 2014...this is the person you see laughing with crying with and coming back to puerto Rico with little minions as well...I love me my Kevin Costner so I called him Kev the rest of the night which made his head grow big cough cough...
Here are some pics from the Kevin Costner night lol

I wish you enough sun to keep your attitude bright, I wish you enough rain to appreciate the sun more. I wish you enough happiness to keep your spirit alive. I wish you enough pain so that the smallest joys in life appear much bigger. I wish you enough gain to satisfy your wanting. I wish you enough loss to appreciate all that you possess. 

Lady Di

I only blog about my patients when they pull at my heartstrings - when they make me feel a certain kinda a way....Her name is (was) yup was Di.....I used to call her lady Di.. She called me Henny Penny. She had the deepest voice I have heard and every time I would go into her room we would have chocolate parties - yup I blame her for any extra pounds I have put on..Lady Di loved to watch Shark Tank she had a sharp mind even at her 80 + years and she was (for most part) a joy to hang around...Most of the staff claim she was bossy and arrogant and would even make people feel like maids at times but i enjoyed her sarcasm and bossy self - i mean heck she wore the pants in her marriage. She had the sweetest husband - and yes she bossed him around too - but it was a labor of love he always told me...They call it anhedonia - a loss in interest of things that once brought you joy and fullfilment...One month ago I think I noticed lady Di begun to experience signs of anhedonia..she would not want out come out for meals to socialize and would prefer to eat in her room She begun reading one book a week - trust me this woman read a book a day I kid you not - she became less bossy - almost nice by human standards - even her husband missed being bossed around...She stopped watching shark tank...and then is when I knew the end was in sight....Last week I worked a morning shift  - I never work a morning shift but for whatever reason - call it written in the stars call it fate i worked a morning shift...The nursing assistants came to ask me is Lady Di gone??and I was like huh oh heck no that woman aint going anywhere soon she is as strong as nails...The nurse who was workign with her this particular morning told me Lady Di is not doing too good.Before i went home after the shift my nurse instinct told me go check on her - trust me ask any nurse about "the instinct" you cant explain it....So I went in and immediately knew there was no chocolate party I would be having today and my instinct told me it may be the last time I would see her..Her husband was by her bedside he looked content and Lady Di looked so peaceful and serene. He called me Henney Penny looked me straight in the eye and said thank you with such firmness it was all he needed to say...I gave her a hug held her cold hand and in my head said rest well my friend....This past Friday was the beginning of the winter Olympics - story for another day - and Lady Di would have loved to watch it i know but I am glad she did not suffer pain - she went quickly and peacefully...I guess this is the hardest part of my job - sharing in a life to the point of death.Laughing with  a patient - treating their pain and sharing in their joy at the same time.....But listen to this, the weird coincidence the next time i worked on a different floor two days after lady Di passed away -  a patient i had never worked with -  I walk into her room and you will never believe she has chocolate in front of her and tells me - please welcome have as much chocolate as you want...I smiled to myself as i took a piece and said to myself rest well Lady Di rest well...;)

The only people who fear death are those with regrets  - Anonymous

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