Are we consuming life or is life consuming us??

So I have just come from watching the NBA All stars final game.Yeah all the hot shots in basketball gather annually to show off who got skills who can dunk who can shoot the best three pointers etc.So the Celtics were fortunate to get four players in the final game and even two in the three point shooting contest.The performance was from yesterday all I can say is that is nothing even close to Celtic basketball.So today I wondered mmmh even the final game I think the four celtics only played for a quarter in terms of total time..Like they were literraly hanging out drinking Gatorade... I love you Celtics but today enyewe in Quabberian terms you HAD LIED!!!!So it go tme thinking the Celtics are so consumed by winning the 18th banner that am sure this whole thing is just like a yeah ok whatever lets get this over with can June get here already??After last years loss to the lakers its like they have been on a vengance quest all season long - am serious.Celtics have been playing to win it all season long so mambo ya All stars is just a distraction..But honestly I wonder how we as human beinsg sometimes get so consumed by achieving all these great things in life we forget to live in the moment.Instead of consuming life life is consuming us.The main point in my little shpill today is I am doing my psych rotation at a children unit and men can I tell you I have been shown first hand what teh pace of society is doing to the American children.Week after week I have watched children come in with all conditions from depression , suicide , cutting, anxiety and such internalized anger that almost brings me to tears.I look at those kids and wonder gosh is this the price we have to pay for the rate at which society has forced us to always feel we need to be on the move, always think that if we stay home the rest o fthe world is moving so fast and we are being left behind, always think that if we stop and play games with our children , hug them and laugh with them they will become spoilt brats.Gosh I have seen teenager after teenager come in with such heaviness relaying how they would like to throw themself off a bridge or infront of a moving car.It has been said the eyes are the window to the soul and it literally broke my heart when I looked and saw the depth of their sadness in their eyes.We run an art group and gosh most of the artwork seemed to be comign from a dark place.There were explosions in the sky one had a broken heart...all were ideas that in one way or the other depicted the storms raging within their minds....Most of them for one reason or the other have been abused or made to feel like they amount to absolutely nothing and others simply have been denied the ability to play and be children.My colleague told me being a parent in America is not easy and I think the same is also true - being a child is also not easy.From the mother working the 7a - 7p and the father going for the overnight shift or the other way around , to parents opting to have only one child , to face book corrupting the minds of the little ones , to peer pressure and bullying , to pedophiles who do not allow parents to let their children play on the street until dark. I mean yeah the Wii is great, internet has all this "cool stuff" , Iphones , Ipads, Ipods , kindles, the list is endless...There was a joke about how the t.v is used by some parents as the automatic babysitter.As the parent finishes work they have brought home, or even worse matybe the parent is just not home when little Johny gets home. I mean gosh I grew up in a society where my mother used to say, " Go and play and come home when they start turning the lights on at the neighbours," i.e when it becomes dark.And we would come back all bruised , tired but boy had we climbed those mango trees , played house and rode the bicycles all over the little town and LAUGHED......Gosh the gift of laughter pricelessss.I just have one thing to parents please let your children be children.Lets not let society dictate how we will raise them up..Medications are not to the cure for everything you can pump a kid with all the Ativan in the world but if you never hug him he will be anxious over and over again.My mum always used to shout when she got home, 'Have I hugged my baby today ?" and when she gave me the warmest hug all my problems of teh day seemed to melt away.So pls lets not get so consumed with chasing things that are temporary but let us invest time in chasing things that we will live with the rest of our lives.Lets learn to consume life and not allow life to consume us.....oh that feels much better - gosh writing is great therapy...its a little window of release.

Did you drop your smile??

So today I am at the point of super exhaustion I had a morning clinical for maternity - I got to see a c section - the tears that rolled down the fathers face as he took a video of the baby being pulled out - priceless.The little boy was the cutest cuddliest thing i love babies when they played the soft music they play when a baby is born of course I was the only one n tears in my group lol...So anyhu I got to give the baby his first birth can you imagine I felt like I had just been told to carry the World cup from point A to B. He was so quiet and I was handling with such care hadi he clinical instructor goes like "trust me he does not break." I felt like I would squeeze to hard on the skul oh it was such a great time the proud grandparents gosh Maternity is such a happy place....so anyhu after I had a class and as I was walking to class and some guy infront of me tells the lady who was coming towards me "Lady you dropped your smile." She literally bent down to pick something and as she was halfway down it hit her what he had said.Her face immediately broke into a wide grin.I found that so powerful -to think that the things that may at times be bugging us on the inside or worries that we sometimes hold on to can spill over into our facial expression.A phrase my sister always says about how beautiful it is when someone smiles through a storm.I remember the day she had her spinal fusion - and she probably does not remember this but as she was wheeled from the O.R to recovery despite all the meds, pain and discomfort she broke into a smile.Smiling through a storm is easier said than done - when things are lookign bleak we forget that worrying about it will not lighten the load.I always tell Dennis - always at a time when he is almost smash something furious lol to "stay positive' and I think one way of that is by smiling even when its really almost impossible.It takes more muscle to frown than to smile so what the heck!So my question to you did you drop your smile today????

Love is blind ..literally and figuratively...

I have been meaning to write this for a week or so now...I just have not had the time or lack or good prioritizing as adisa would say.It has been a minute since I was here - lets just say my summer was spent caged up in a place I have grown to love over two months...but thats a whole new blog for a whole new day...Lets just say it was a rollercoaster ride - from catching babies in Maternity to waiting for a medflighted patient in the E.R to drawing blood to hanging out with interpreter services to watching brain surgery to heart stents being placed it was a journey like no other - a gift that I was so humbled to receive.But today am not writing on that...though I would love to...I came to the conclusion last week that love is blind in all literal and figurative sense.So anyhu..I had the chance to spend an afternoon with a lady who was born with a form of macular dystrophy - which has caused her to be blind.So we hang out at the mall chatted for most of the while had dinner etc.We got talking and she begun to tell me how she met the guy she has been dating for the past three years and they are soon to be married.The whole romance story just blew my heart away - in a nutshell he fell in love with her from the day that he met her and of course she played hard to get for a while and bla bla bla the rest is history.So after the mall we got to hang out all three of us and just watching them interact just made me smile on the inside as I saw how we treated her like a queen - gently guiding her as they walked, squeezing her hand as they talked getting her cup cakes - yeah we had a midnight snacking binge with tea..I mean for a moment there I was invisible - the love in the room was so thick between them it got me thinking how love is so blind.... really it is...which then raises the question is love an it, is it a person , is it a feeling, or is love simply God.Is love Gods way of showing us how He does not see the outward He looks at the heart coz one of the things the lady told me that attracted her to Mr X was his selfless nature.His big heart as she put it.I mean we are trained as humans from an early age to see the container before we see the contents. Think about it as a kid you would not pick the plain cereal box... you went for the one with all the colours and promises of a Yoyo inside before you even saw the Yo yo.Ok so where was I going with all this mmmhh oh yah so its interesting how we write people off based on what they look like how they sound like or even how they dress.I wish we could learn to scratch a little bit beneath the surface - find out whats underneath that tough coat - whats treasures lie underneath the X marks the spot...I think I love love..its cliche but its true love makes the world go round.Everyone has that someone somwhere that loves them not for what they see but for who they are - on the inside.I mean its true what they say someone who is truly beautiful is beutiful first on the inside ok enough rambling...we have a tropical storm headed our way - Earl and as usual teh media is in a frenzy making such a fuss - i mean seriously people get a grip..you see thats the problem with the media they can almost be a cult.They make things into such a frenzy that people start beleiveing eveything that they sa..ok its one thirty a.m kwa dirisha baby..,,,


The secret of your future is hidden in your daily routine - again someones facebook status...

Passengers in life

So today was awesome it was day one of my fellowship - like officially so far I have been doing orientation - like another serious thorough thing that lasted a week so today we finaly hit the floor with the other fellow...His name is Jason.He from Mexico....very cool dude has so many stroies we have lunch together and he is a good laugh.So anyhu yesterday there was a lady - brilliant is the word that comes to my mind when I think about Vanessa.She gave us a a mini presentation - actually it was more than a presentation it was so interactive she set us up in groups of ten and had us give our "villages" as she called them a name.So in twenty minutes we were to get to know each other by answering five questions - I hope I can remember them.Who are you?What drives you?Why this proffesion?Who / what made you be where you are today?who do you want to be remembered as?wow I think these questions can sum up ones life in a page...So anyhu she gave us a phrase that went something like "We are all passengers on a bus / commuter rail on this journey called life and the moment we see someone as though they are on another journey is when we have failed." I think she meant the moment we start seeign people different or treating people coz they dont look or talk the way we do or act the same is when problems arise such as innjustice , mistreatmeant, discrimination - on all facets - colour religion, disability etc....So where was I going with this...oh to relate it to this ...yesterday I find out someone I know is gay...at first I was taken aback but we delged into it - I of course asking silly questions "So how did you know? Is it something you have always had or it came recently??So we talked about it and at the end I honestly said to the person I do not see them any different than I did last week - and am so honest about that.I think we need to scratch the surface a bit more and find out whats really beneath the skin...behind the layers of colour and disabilty we need to realize that we are all in this journey together - with one final destination.Think about it this way - we are ten people all going to New York on a Greyhound in a mini van that only fits five...There are those who will make the best out of the journey and get to know the person next to them and even start singing songs to make the trip faster.Then there are the other five who will complainf and grunt the whole day and give each other uncormfortable stares coz they do not know who the other people are and care less who they are...So Vanessa was giving us the caring credential of MGH as a hospital how it strives to give patient quality care that stretches beyond just the surface...One of my interview questions I remember was Why nursing as a proffesion.And Isaid I like being able to see beyond a persons current situation - beyond the IV poles , beyond the catheters beyond the bandaids.I want to know what was going on in your life before this happened.how many children you have the countries you have been to and the experiences you have faced in life.And I know nursing is the only profession that allows me to do that and see beyond their condition...Oh so am drifting...I always do when i have so much to say....Case in point today my patients were two older gentlemen both very wealthy- sit on scholarship commitees, have travelled the world over, both their rooms had a beautiful view of the Charles River and all the boats and trust me they were paying for the view.. but at the end of the day they were at their crumbling point it doesnt matter who you are where you are from or what you have done you are as vulnerable as the poor sick man at the clinic down the road.So it should be like that all the time in all aspects of life not only when we are most vulnerable is when people or things we never used to even give a second thought start to matter....like Vanessa said we are all passengers on this same journey called life...Meanwhile the celtics are playing tommorrow a FINAL and not just any final the NBA finals - a years work of practice is going down tommorrow,I really hope they win they have worked so hard to prove the pundits and nay sayers wrong.ok its ten thirty am up at five a.m lol Penny getting up over the summer at a whole 5 am kweli the economy is tough lolest!!!!kwa dirisha baby.....


There can be a lot of activity with no productivity... -someones face book status

Five doors knocked = 1 open

So today I check my mailbox and find a letter for a scholarship that I had applied for a while back I had even almost forgotten about it.Sadly it was a "This year we had so many firece applications essays and unfortunately your was not one of the selected." Yeah I was dashed but only for like five minutes but dusted myself off.Reason being I had just come from day two of my oreintation for the Fellowship at Mass Gen - it was awesome - an informal meet and greet with the two amazing mentors who host the fellowship - Deb Washington and Bernice Avila - I love them already they are like my Mass Gen mothers and mentors at the same time.So anyhu as much as I did not get the Cherokee scholarship it was worth a try and thats what life is all about.You have to knock on five doors so that at leats one may open.Had I chosen to just apply to that and not try other arenas I would be so dissapointed but now I am so tied with my other endevaours.And I think thats a major reason y we give up so fast on so many things we just try one place and when we get turned down we stop trying altogether.One thing I know am not afraid of is rejection.The fear of failure of getting turned down - its shows at least I am trying making moves - a term I like to call "shifting the furniture." So start shifting the furniture around in your "house" (life) move things around knock on doors when there is no response try pry open the window there are so many ways to get into a house who said you have to use the door.Hey, Santa uses the chimney pull all the stops until you get in.

Of life and faith

So I have just come from watching a win or go home match between the Phoenix Suns and the L.A Lakers - really feel bad for the Suns they have done such a great job all season long..and I mean it would be good to have some variety for once to rep the Western side for the playofffs c kila saa Lakers Lakers.Anyhu they get to meet my lovely Celtics next Thursday - bring it on Lakers - lets show you what good basketball is all about...Oh back to my main story...So the last couple of weeks I have seen God.Yeah I know it sounds ???? but for real I have seen Gods hand in my life in ways I cannot even begin to describe.First two weeks ago I received a call that I had been awarded the Mary Coppola Scholarship -its some scholarship in the nursing school.Then the big one came this week.There is a fellowship that I had my eye on from last year November - can you say last year November .Yani I stumbled across the fellowship one of my late nights online and knew then and there that I was going to be a fellow by whatever means.Basically it is a 12 week fellowship where you are paired up with a minority mentor at Mass Gen and you get to go to various departments - get more hands on experience which is what I really want...So I applied - I think I was the first one to apply - initially there were between 30 - 40 applicants - and am talking applicants from kina Umass Amherst Boston College Brandeis you know the top shot schools so me there and my ka Salem State I said hey what the heck what do they have that I do not have.So anyhu from 30 we were zeroed down to ten then final 4 can you imagine I made it to the final four!!!So each of us had half an hour interview...So I check into the room I expect it to be me and one or MAYBE two people shock on me I enter and there were four ladies.Heh wacha they start introducing themselves.Am so and so director paediatric nursing am so and so director Orthopedic nursing at Mass gen. etc there I am putting on a straight face - oh nice to meet you...Haiya so the questions rolled in...Yani I am tellign you the confidence came from God.I was answerign questions that right now I wish I recorded myself coz I have no idea what I was sayign but funny by the end of it I was like "Gal you nailed that one."So they said they would get back to me in about two days...Anyhu the long of the short I got the fellowship!!!I was beyond myself with happiness - I think I have not yet swallowed up until now that I am a Hausman Fellow2010.You know I would open the website everytime I was online and see the fellows - last year I think there were two guys and one chick in th middle and trust me I would imagien my self there...So yes I got it and you know the thing that made me stay the course - one word Faith...Gosh for real its true faith as little as a mustard seed can move mountains...as little as a mustard seed.Just the belief that Gods got it.Whatever teh situation is however things may appear Gods got it if you just have faith in Him.Gosh we serve such a huge God - the cattle and the sheep of the land are all His.If its that job you need if its those finances you need sorted if its happiness, an internship, friendship, a soulmate, a new life, a new career, a new car , new ANYTHING ask and have faith faith faith.Yeah today let me get all "spiri" yani the whole day Friday after the whole fellowship stuff went through I was a wreck - Oh my goodness its God just God whatever he starts he is sure to finish He can never leave you hanging most of the times its us who give up.Throughout the whole application I never even thought of giving up evn once - but this is just one of the few times - most times I face the mountain and turn around...Ok am done that was my ranting and raving for today...So yes I am officially a Mass Gen Hausmann Fellow 2010!!!

Babies babies more babies....

So yesterday and today I spent a whole day trying to do my hair - and asusual when I got home I was like aai is this what I wanted??So anyhu the lady who was doign my hair - Juliet bless her soul - such a wonderful lady...has the most amazing baby - her name is Athena named afer the Greek goddess and she is so cuddly has the most amazing smile and she is constantly smiling...Then my other workmate had a baby too - both are Nigerian -oh and speaking of which I have absolutely fallen in love with egusi soup and foo - this is like the Nigerian delicacy and delicious it is.Both of my new found buddies Omo and Juliet are always fixing me Egusi soup when I go to their place.Funny it is made up of my three favourite meals - melon seeds - I love water melons , fish and it is so spicy - as in curry I loev it love it.....Oh so where was oh yeah so my dear Omo also got her baby last week - her name is Elora - means God is light...I went to see her she is so tiny and cuddly.They both allowed me to put pics on my blog for those days when life does not seem to make sense - I loook and see the innocence of childeren it amazes me...They are so cute I love children - I think they are a taste of heaven - the innocence the giggling the baby smell the chubby cheeks - dont you see and feel God in a little one oh gosh here are pics of Elora and Athena...

Obesity - Fact or Fad???

So the other day I was doing my clinical rotation in the O.R I got to see four different surgeries.One was a ten year old buy - cute as ever Tony was his name - yeah I have a thing with names...and he had the cutest dimples....after surgery I followed him to the recovery room and of course he had been given Versed - beautiful drug that causes amnesia and in the most sweetest voice he asks mama what happened?then he smiled it was amazing the dimples....oh then I got to see a kidney stone taken out - not much fun there - the surgeon just crushed it with some laser beam - fun but nothing to write home about...then its started gettign interesting I then got to see a total well partial knee replacement - they took out parts of the patellar and femur and put a movable metal piece...Ok so the final one and the reason I had to blog was a lady who was in for a tummy tuck and breast reduction surgery.My word!!!! the lumps of fat that were being removed from her abdomen....chunks and chunks - if you are not a blood, ER ,Greys anatomy kind of person you would have passed out.And all the while the surgeon was busy chattign me up about the up comign Boston Marathon after he found out I was from Kenya - he was all up in my bizz and there I was wide eyed looking at the fat upon fat ...So anyhu he pulled fat here stretched the skin there and presto a new tummy.But as I was watching the whole procedure a Big fat yellow M was comign to my mind and that M is for Mc Donalds....America is an obese nation... after watching that surgery Wednesday I confirmed it.My med surg professor always says Americans inhale food literally inhale - eat so fast it has no time to be digested.It takes a whole twenty minutes for the tummy to send a signal to the brain that it is full. A full 20 minutes!!! - seriously which American sits and enjoyes their food for 20 minutes- no offense anm not trying to step on anyones toes but its the truth.The other day I was in midday traffic so I decide to peep into cars in incoming traffic.Driver upon driver was putting something in their mouth - I saw bagels, cheese burgers , others were drinking - I dunno if it was soda or shakes...but my point is people are so much on the move that eating has becoming more of a task than an enjoyable part of the day.This rush eating and sedentary lifestyle is making more and more children begin checking their blood sugars at an early age as diabetes is another biggie and its all tied in to OBESITY!!!We are a fat nation even worse on the news today a report by one of the local media reported that insurance companies own almost seventy percent of the fast food chains - so what does that mean for the average consumer??They do not care what you eat - theirs is all about the mula....So thats my two cents for the day but seriously...is it a choice - do you choose what food you eat or you let society through commercials , "your crazy lifestyle"and your tummy dictate that for you??oh well i dunno but health in america is such a hot cake...Lol I was looking at a cookbook from different countries all over the world there was Jamaica, Japanese tapioca Kenyan githeri, Morrocan , Indian curry beef stew etc.Most of the meals took up almost two pages with ingredients and preparation...sadly I looked at most of the American dishes and they were a lousy page with three at most four ingredients - throw the pasta in the hot water boil open the meatball packet let it simmer for a few add the pasta sauce cheese and voila..I mean what does that tell you..Where other cultures see the value of takign time to acknowledge what goes into a meal the rush rush American lifestyle is all"grab and go"... I remember at the dinner table was where we as a family could discuss our day , I mean thats where the phrase "bring it to the table" originated from ama??so maybe I should pardon the average American - c kutaka kwao...society chose them they did not choose the society to be born into but I think its just something that needs serious consideration...Oh wait then again its the steroids they put in the food - yeah I have a lot to say - America was and still is the "granary of the world" I mean there is no way you are realistically telling me that this little chick will be a broiler in a week...so to feed the world America is pumping more and more steroids in the cows in the plants everywhere..so where do these steriods land - in my poor little abdomen...and steroids are packed with growth hormones so Eureka solve the steroid problem solve the obesity problem??I dunno...I give up...Its one thirty - as usual in the still of the night is when my mind is working overtime to blog...

Loves of my life

Today is one of those low days in my life - happen very rarely - but yeah they do...when all I can do is bawl my eyes out and soak a Kleenex when I think how much I miss my family...how I miss the days when we all we had was each other - when we shut out the world and all we did was laugh and tease each other.When I look back and see how far we have come as a family in this thing called life - the mountains we have climbed together from the

fun times we had at Golden Beach - getting soaked at the New Years eve parties, waiting up at midnight to open gifts under the Christmas tree - the look on someones face when they got that book they had wanted all year, dad leading the Christmas Carols ,driving around Sarit on christmas Eve - just window shopping - just being together made a world of difference.Oh Sunday lunches at Jacaranda after church - brunch we called it to fun at Sagret with the Munyokis,to days at Hs Number eleven when days got tough and to Kampala going to Garden City taking the Akamba together to Kla...hanging out in Wynberg and Rondebosch I mean the love is so thick you can cut it with a knife...so sadly we are so far apart now - different corners of the world I would give anything ANYTHING to have just one more day in the 90s in the Marenge house - the warmth the love the laughter the joy ....I miss you dad I miss you mum I miss you Jonah I miss you adi I miss you Jessy terribly terribly it almost hurts..

.....There are years that ask questions and there are years that answer them...."

Logs and Splints in eyes

Yeah the title is very extremely weird but will make sense as I go along - I hope....so as I was driving to work the other day I pass a billboard for some watch comapny - Taugher or something it was some exotic looking model lady...anyhu a few months ago it had been Tiger Woods on the billboard until his whole saga with cheating on his wife and all his clandes - on the sides - came into the picture.Now another story - unrelated to this but holds the same message...now a pastor that I hold so dear to me has been suspended "pending investigation" on reasons that are yet to be discovered.Immediately I heard this I was so distraught almost in tears...yeah I get soppy like that sometimes....So anyhu back to the the title...it is witten somwhere in Proverbs - do not remove the splints from your brothers eye and yet you have a log in your eyes.... In short who are we to judge and point fingers at other people errs and mistakes...who are we to cast the first stone on the proverbial Prostitute...I mean before any man should raise a finger and lay blame he / she needs to search and examine the deepest of depths of their hearts I mean are their sins any bigger than ours....Generally we cannot go walking around being the judge of peoples actions.There is only one judge and his name is GOD so I believe as long as you make it reight personally with God the rest is up to him to judge and discipline accordingly..but we are all mortals subject to the same law subject to the same mistakes...ok am blabberign on its one a.m and am mad sleepy - have serious spring break fever coming up - did my last Med Surg exam today and it messed me up completely thank God I really passed the first exams...
Anyhu now I lay me down to sleep Lord I pray My soul to keep and if I die before I wake Lord I pray my sould to take

How we spend our days is of course how we spend our lives - Anne Dillard

Decisions Decisions

So the other day I was at Market Basket getting my groceries.So am at the cereal aisle as usual I went straight for my Smart Start - yani I recommend that cereal for anyone having bowel issues - ok am getting graphic but you feel me it is works wonders...So anyway as usual the cereal aisle has like a million and one cereals.So there was a mum and her I think two year old daughter and the lady asks her "pick out the cereal you want"..Yeah I know it sounds trivial and thinking uh huh aaand...but as I walked away I started thinking how the upbringing here is so different from my lovely Kenya well Africa in general.From an early age kids here are given the responsibility to make choices speak out ...I rememeber growing up the only cereal I knew was Weetabix and had no say on whether I liked it or not you had to eat what was there and you had to do as required.I think that early decision making fosters a sense of independence which is so important - it makes you aware of teh fact that the decisions I make affect me no one else but me...If I decide not to study for this exam it will be me getting a flunking grade...However on teh flip side I beleive there are those decisions that my folks made that enabled me to be where I am today to think and act the way I do today that without that intervention I may have had no sense of direction.So it really is a tough call depending on what side you look a it...So am really sleepy have a mega long day - back to back until eleven so now I lay me down to sleep...Lord I pray my soul to keep and if I die before I wake Lord I pray my soul to take.....Oh oh wait there was a powerful song the choir sung in church - well they have sung it a couple of times but it always makes me go punches in the air punches in the air.My best phrase from the song is...'My storage is empty and I am available to you Lord.."Isnt that something or is it me getting sleepy???

to fly or not to fly that is the question

So last weekend - was the annual seven a side international rugby.It is usually held in San Diego but this time the venue was changed to sin city - the glamarous city of Las Vegas.So Dennis and I took a trip down there - everyone else bailed on the plan so we were there for a whole weekend was also St Valentines weekend - killed two birds with one stone...So anyhu as usual the Kenyan crowd was the largest - apparently there were 1500 Kenyans who had come down 50 from Nbi etc etc...so we chanted, we heckled all those high school cheering songs for sports , kina hatuta piga kelele hadi drama fest songs but sadly the Kenya team made it to the semis not finals but I was throughly impressed they did a really good job....Samoa won even though I ws secretly rooting for Fiji have some pics will post up soon - when I get the psyke and patience...so anyhu the long of the short we took united airlines and we were like so late - had gone to the wrong terminal as in they started beeping for us on the airport intercom - Will Kariuki and Marenge report to Gate B6 there we were running it ws just so intense....but before that I was so frustrated the lady who was checking us in made me check in my suit case - which was not even that big so am liek cool it cant cost that much hahhh shock on me I see 25 dollars flash on the screen am like what are you joking???Had to pay the darn money as were gettign late...Haiya we check into the flight by then fashionably late haiya so we get the drinks...heh I ask the flight attemdant later for another drink - she goes like 'Did they not come round earlier??" I was perplexed like sriously woman do you think I would be asking if I di dnot need one....I looked her straight in teh face and said yes though I want another drink am thirsty.Taking a deep breath she walked off and brought my apple juice with a look those ones of "Na usizoee'
So anyhu the long of the short on the trip back now that I was wiser I made sure I boarded mapema so I could weka my suitcase up there and it ws such a tusstle as people shoved as no one wanted to pay the 25 bucks.The point of my story is the joy and comfort of flying has really been taken away its actually a hustle from security to lousy drinks to the mega cold A/C well then again the states here are so close together hopping on a plane is like hopping on a bus from Nairobi to Mombasa but at least they can try make the flight worthwhile - I mean the tickets are pricey...I rememeber way back when taking Kenya Airways just to Mombasa and getting loaded with sandwhiches tea candy little wine and drinks blankets - you name it they got it and it was all free.I do not see why I have to pay 2 dollars for a lousy headset or even for a blanket - come on United gimme a break??? so that ws my weekend now am back in the system - will be up and out in a few weeks off to Georgia for spring break - this time I will be battling mosquitoes cold showers but am mega excted.Its a humanitarian mission lol - with Habitat for Humanity...lemme go watch the celtics thrash the Lakers...


“Work is love made visible. And if you can’t work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of the people who work with joy. Khalil Ghibran

Its one in the morning and sleep eludes me..I have studied I have watched TV for a while and now here I am doing what I do best... three days ago the country of Haiti came to a stand still - maybe thats the reason am still awake now - just watching CNN live seeing Hatians in the streets in the still of the night settign up camp for the night due to the terrible earthquake that struck three days ago.A video of a woman screaming "The world is comign to an end the world is coming to an end" when the earthquake hit rings in my head.The image of a 15day old baby being treated for head injuries lingers in my mind.A man snatching food supplies from a woman carrying a baby is still rife in my memory...bodies upon bodies lining the streets of Paut-au-Prince... it feels watching a movie on big screen you wish you hadnt paid to watch.The only sad thing is that this is reality...So many questions have been racing through my mind since Tuesday.Some of them I have posed them to God the rest are just there hoping for an answer from somwhere or someone...One I thoought there is all this high tech equipement that geographers and scientists use to see changes in the moon and earth movements and somehow be able to see disasters such as these coming??or are there people kickin themselves in the shins right now for not takign any action??Second why Haiti - they say its one of the pooorest oops I meant it is THE poorest and most illiterate country in the Western Hemisphere or so it is said..to go through a disaster of this magnitude where people survive on a dollar or so a day is just licking their wound..Third what next?the capital city was destroyed and thats what houses I mean everything from banks to the parliament well palace..to schools to the university to the UN offices I mean does this mean rebuilding almost a nation again?Gosh I have so many questions..I was telling somone yesterday gosh I wish I could have the means to be on the ground right now in Haiti handing out food , treating the wounded just being there for them offering hugs smiles just that assurance that even though its bleak right now joy will cometh in the morning...These are people who have settled for simple pleasures in life who have learnt not to expect more than what is available who have seen so much hardship in their time this just takes the cake.Here are some stats from a website unemplyement rate - 80%.It has no public transportation system.About 60 % of the population is below 25 can you imagine that - so these are young brilliant minds.To think of the extent of this catastrophe is unimaginable.wow let me stop here for now but there is still so much on this issue I need to revist.On a more lighter note i just had my first karaoke session - I loved loved it!!I did a rendition of Madonna - La isla bonita - rocked the house down and also did whitney houston - how will i know with Muthoni am so proud of her - she faced her fears - stage fright!!through the window...

End of a Diva era

Today I received such heart wrenching news.One of the sweetest souls I have come to know in America passed away after 32 years of a battle with multiple sclerosis bravely borne.Debbie Obrien was and always will be my diva my big sister and the lady who always put a smile on my face when I went to visit.To describe Debbie in words is too hard a task but all I can say is am glad our paths crossed - you know those people you meet only a few times in your life time but their footprints remain on your heart for a lifetime.Gosh she brought such joy to the family with her radiant smile but better still her constant glow..even when I would visit her after the chemo had wore he down she would always have a smile - smiling through the storm as my sister calls it and had something nice to say about her doctors her nurses .Life was so beautiful in Debbies eyes - but better yet she saw life through the eyes of her amazing six year old son - Peter - such pride she had when she talked about her two boys - Peter and handsome Steve.I call Peter my "banana boy" he totally loves bananas.Maybe one day when you are old enough Pete I willl tell you tales of how beautiful your mother was on the inside and the out too.How she loved when we would go to the thrift store and spend hours going through the isles.Better yet Pete I will tell you how much joy you brought to her life everyday - from the day you begun pre school and she was there waiting to pick you when you got home , and how stubborn you were when she picked out your clothes and you threw tantrums...she loved her boys so much and her husbad steve -My rock she would call him- he was by her side - 23 years of marriage - he saw her from the blonde days of her youth to the tough days of chemo and was with her to the last moment where he said "It was like falling in love with her all over again." Debbie I will miss terribly but I know that I know you are at peace...Loving and missing you from down here.Your "Kenyan girlfriend."
Oh here is a link that was in the daily newspaper http://www.legacy.com/SalemNews/Obituaries.asp?Page=Notice&PersonID=137923243

The most exciting significant and challenging relationship of all is the one you have with yourself and if you can find someone to love the you you love, well thats just fabulous...

Are we square??

So today I went last minute shopping and by last minute I mean exactly that for christmas things here and there with my school study buddy.The malls were so packed we mainly were in the clothing stores as she is leaving for Uganda soon hence she needs the sphagetti strap tops etc...So anyway as we were picking out and trying different clothes its amazign how our personaliies were being revealed by the type of clothes that we chose...Hers were more flashy muti coloured and I as usual - am saying usual coz this not the first time am shopping with someone and I end up going for either black or white coloured clothes yeah I know yawn yawn...thats me right there - the more conservative laid back not too calling attire.So anyway my friend got so fed up with me she was like oh my goodness Penny why are you so square??and I go like huh???she is like you need to be flexible in yoru choice...hey trust me everyoen in my family esp my mum and my sister know me and shopping especially for clothes - I am the worst - put me in a book store and I will be the best company...So anyway her statement was really interesting - why am I so square so predictable so unchanging....so my friend was like at least with you pickign black and white it shows my personality am either here or here no in betweens..But later i got to thinking wow a square....so rigid so firm can only go so far with a square...but to think of being described as a circle well wow with a circle its endless its flexible a circle hs breathing space - am thinking abstarctly now work with me here...so thats me the square...what are you ??

She just did not say that

Ok so every Tuesday I volunteer at Beverly Hospital in the endo unit- and oh they surprised me the other day with a barnes and noble gift card - which I am so excited about - I love reading - just getting through to the end of the book is my biggest challenge lol.But hey schools out now so I will have more time on my hands,Speakign of school this semester grades really suck I have Bs can you imagine that - Bs!!!but hey it was such a great semseter in terms of the learnign experience..I was not in class just to get the A grade - wow I can conjugate Spanish verbs - actually I was driving the other day and saw a Spanish billboard and was able to translate the whole thing I was so proud of my Spanish class.Oh and then in my abnormal psych class I have garnered a ton of info on diagnoses from bipolar to schizophrenia to paranoia wow i think its a class i can retake....so anyway thats wnough about that.Oh so what was I saying - as usual I divert again so yes volunteering at Beverly hospital.Oh yeah so the other day I was doing my usual rounds I hear one of the nurses takign a health history and she asks the patient , "Any cultural and / religious affiliations we need to be aware of before we do the procedure?" and the lady goes like ,"Oh am an atheist."The nurse even had to restate the question oh thats not what I mean I ,ean in terms of food preferences to culture etc...so anyway the patients answer really threw me off.Not only is it two days to the birth of the saviour but this woman does not believe in his father or the Holy trinity for that matter.I dont know what feelings I felt as I walked away from this ladys bed was it anger? desbelief? sadness that somene ...well people out there do not beleive that there is a God and He exists??Or could the lady have gone through a situation in her life that made her doubt the existience of the father..wow to not beleive in God now that I think about it has such a domino effect.It also implies lack of faith , lack of hope but most important not experiencing the love of the father...gosh that love that He sent His only son that every day that I live I know whose I live for whose I serve and wher I find my being and everlasting life.Gosh the joy from knowing that his love is unconditional unwavering ..oh my and to hear the lady say I am an atheist ripped my heart out...and as usual I run to my comfort zone simplyme-queenpen.blogspot.com for refuge.

Fun at white mountains

So this weekend I was up in white mountains with a group of friends
we had such a lovely time - and I am the self declared taboo champion he hehe - thats vanity at its highest.No but seriously my arm is still sore from all the falling - we were all firat time skiiers well I was and the instructor was so crazy...imagine falling and he is there yelling , "Are you chickening out??you chicken???and poof there you go on the floor and then he refuses to help you up can you imagine it felt like we were in some Iraq boot camp training...but hey he made the xperience memorable...But wow it was so great we were 18 of us - can you imagine that it was some mini big brother goin on....here are some pics to pore over...

Whats the difference?

Yeah so whats the difference between blanco y negro..hey how will you know I am taking a Spanish class.So anyhu whats the difference between black or white??does my skin colour determine who I am on the inside??When the singer Pink was asked how she came up with the name Pink she said "hey whether your black or white it dont matter we all pink on the inside." There was a documentary on NPR a few days ago about the Spanish population thats is infiltrating all corners of America.Before it was Oh ok yeah El Paso, Texas is where you go if you looking for some Quesadillas or Tacos but now when you make a call am sure in a year or so it will be "press one for Spanish two for English." So anyway the main topic of discussion was so what are the Spanish are they black or they white or neither??and is Spanish becoming the new minorty.In my opinion I think Spaniards are becoming the new majority.And trust me inititally I used to hear Spain..images of dancing the Marengue and riding a boat on the Rio came to mind but wow the diversity of the Spanish speakign world is immense - Puerto Ricans , Dominicans , Hondurans , Argentina..its endless and guess where they have found their melting pot - the land of milk and honey - America!!!....The other day at the bank some teller was having a heck of a hard time explaining the opening of a bank account and the lady responds in Spanish and I hear the teller say "Sorry I do not speak Spanish"so what is America or Americans going to do with the rising Spanish population...will we choose to still consider this ethnicity a minority and not account for its diversity or will we assimilate the culture and begin wearing sombreros to work...ok am drifting yet again from my mainpoint what was it???oh so whats the difference if am black white ..oh I know what brouught me here yes today someone said something and it got me thinking mmmh???they must have been having a Freudian moment it was something to the extent "Same difference between nigger and negro." Wow as much as I hate to admit and I really do not think the word negro conjures up any emotions in me of slavery or what not that phrase there I was surprised how hard it hit home...For this person in there oWn little mind still has the association of the word nigger with someone or something ( who knows) thats below the ground they walk on.Whether they say nigger or negro to them it all means the same thing the online dictionary I quote "a member of a humankind native to Africa classified according to physical features - sometimes offensive???" end quote...I think they need to get rid of the last part sometimes offensive and paraphrase it to read previously offensive.I mean in this day and age well maybe its coz I was raised in a family that had no glass ceileings especially owing to teh fact that we are three girls and one boy - a family that understood that black or white its whats on the inside that counts.I think its time that we reach that point in our personal and proffesional lives where we look at the contents and not the container before we speak before we label and more so before we draw conclusions...

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. .."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.
Martin Luther King Jnr.

The end of an era

Wow I have just received such heart renching news I think I am still reeling in shock...wow...after three years of getting to know one of the best friends I will ever have in this lifetime I have just found out she is leaving the country "for now" as she put it....I have mixed emotions I kind of expected it but when the reality hits home....when its here in my face is when I have stopped and begun reminiscing on all the good times we had ...wow Priscilla and I have seen the valleys and the mountains together...From gossiping in the hallways at Lhcc to Orlando madness to Ellie Wellie to Dexter,Subs at Quiznos on Sunday, wine on New Years dancing to Beyonce in pyjams..omg my eyes are already clouding up..Prisc has seen me grow emotionally and (physically) I have seen her in her worst of days when things in life did not make sense to her, she walked me through tough relationships gosh this has been my girl my person in America.You know that one person who has your back no matter what no matter when oh gosh this will be a change...The beauty of it all is I know she is going for gold her future is too bright she is one of those birds Maya Angelou says that just cant be caged.Wow I will miss you chica....

In a heartbeat

A couple of days ago ...oh wait Happy Thanksgiving!!!Its the turkey day again..ok back to that in a while.So anyway a couple of days ago I was watching Dancing with the Stars - and the final perfomers I have watched them grow over the season and trust me - it has been a very long season - about three months straight....So anyhu Mya was constantly brilliant over the season - week after week she showcased not only her talent but stopped at nothing to pull the strings in her performances getting ten out of ten.So anyhu in comes the final round and there she is in the top two - it was either her or some other guy to win and eventualy it went to the other guy.Just like that in a heartbeat the whole season of practice and training and even more training ended just like that in less that five seconds she came in second place....Then I got some bad news from a friend of mine - who has had the year from hell I can say on Tuesday - more bad news for her.... just when the road map was beginning to take shape in a heartbeat it all came crashing down again.So the moral of my little moment is it only takes a heartbeat for the course of life to change.In a heartbeat things can go from bad to worse.In a heartbeat you can scratch that ticket and win a million bucks.In a heartbeat , a word is said or an action taken that turns the table upside down.I think life is made of mini heartbeats - I think I have written about this before , that tiny moment that upsets or calms the ship...So anyhu its the festive season again - tommorrow is Black Friday and I was htinking to myslef mmmh It would be fun for a change to go for one of thse gold rush 4 a.m shopping spress - too bad am working until 9 by the time I get there all the good stuff will have gone.So on another note its time to be thankful gosh where do I begin even with where or how I am thankful.First and most important to the reason for my being the big G up there -He has watched over and guided me this year gosh opened doors in my personal spiritual and financial life - I am mega grateful that I know whose I am.I am thankful for the gift of love this year - has moved me to greater heights and someone to share it with, family - I love my family to pieces - we have the like the most drama in the house and yet we laugh it all of over a glass of wine,friendship,health ,being able to have a listening ear it has just been a great year - and 2010 looks even more promising!!!

The earth has ears...

Oh my goodness the theorist of the Nursing programme at my school is Martha Rodgers who based her principle on nurse client relationship and the energy that circulates in the earth.In short the earth has a set amount of energy - that is flowing from person to person from earth to person and person to earth - am I loosing you work with me here...What you put out there is what the earth and other people feed off and it what you get in return...ok in connecyion to that..I have the best proffesor for my research class - she is always expounding on the Rogers theory of energy and it makes so much sense to me after today.Loris version is that the earth actually "hears" and responds to our demands there are so many suggestions she throws out there that have worked e.g writing what you want in bold and stickign it on your wall - if its that ninety you want on the next exam write out a huge fat 90 on a manilla card , she tells us of the author of the chicken soup series - the year before he wrote his first book he wrote out a huge dummy check to himself for 1 million and stuck it on his desk - the next year his Chicken soup for the soul sold 900,000 worth.Before an exam Lori tells us write even on you hand in small print the grade you want to achieve whether its a C or an A write it out on your wrist.So where am going with this is that your surroundings hear and see everything that your projecting you will want your business to succeed , instead of saying gosh what if my business fails - the earth hears business and fail in one sentence, you could be setting yourself up for disaster.You want to pass that exam say I want to get an A in that exam avoid statements such as what if I flunk that exam?the earth will pick up on the exam and fail and boom....
So anyway back to me and today I really wanted an A on the spanish exam so i wrote a mini A on the palm of my hand and trust you me that A kept bbringing me back in focus when I was going astray in the exam .Actually it gave me so much confidence by the end of the exam I was sure I had doen well.So will let you know if Loris theory work sor its a bunch of bologne butreally I knwo its a fact - energy is all around us.Dont you feel when you are around certain people there is just so much good energy they are letting off you actually feel empowered when you are near them,.Then there are those people who when you are around you actually feel they are draining you - OMG this starts a whole new discussion right here.Yes so the world is a ball of SET energy there is no more energy that will be addedd and it will nto eb taken away whats there is there.We have to try and balance out our own energy to have more positive than negative energy around us - have I lost you today am getting all sci fi and stuff he he he

Crossroads...

It comes a time in all our lives
when we reach a point we have to choose
Yonder left to follow our ambitions - selfish to say the least
or yonder right of a promise and hope with the one that we love.
Torn between the two with time not on our side
we stand at the crossroads and have to decide.
But should they love us as they say they do
are they not bound by that same love to see us through??
They say love is a sacrifice
but in a sacrifice is it ever really fair
I stand at the crossroads I have to choose.

scehdule or programmed life???

So the other day as I was driving home for work I had a moment of deja Vu almost bringing my car to a screeching halt.So I look ahead and see the red brake lights of the train blinking...and sure enough a second later the train comes bounding down the tracks...I was like OMG this was the exact same place I was last week and the lights came on at this exact same time and the train came down the tracks...and it got me thinking how life here can get so programmed.I was thinking the other day its so easy to stalk someone coz you can easily track someones movements and schedules in this place even the same place I parked my car last Saturday is where it is now - creepy but true.We well let me say I hide under this mirage of "schedules" and work and school that life ceases to be life anyomre instead it becomes this huge chore that needs to be completed.What happened to the era of spontaienityand not knowing what tommorow will hold?And not knowing if the fetus is a boy or a girl?I know its good to plan and strategize but let life be like a river and go with the flow.....ok am dotting....Oh my globe trotting sister is in Namibia now with mummy am so happy for her she deserves it ova key not speaker at some event way to go girl!!!!!!!!!!!!

Commitophobia...

Aaagh am raving mad - and not only that I have insomnia - so where do I go when I have all the pent up emotions - I remeber mmmh I have a little world down here called a blog.So here I am at quarter to one on a Thursday morning....and tryign to figure out why some men have commitophobia syndrome....Yes thats what I want to call it.I was trying to play match maker two weeks ago -and it has backfired in my face all because men want to eat their cake and have it.A good lady the real home maker - the real deal - cooks cleans edcuated funny smart oH my the lsi t is endless and ready to have a pack of brats and settle down and here comes Mr X who I know has been looking for a wife since I met him two years ago.So I have a little E = mC 2 moment and try hook them up then suddenly Mr x starts feedign me all this krap oh you know for the next two years I am focusing on my engineering school and I may not be ready to give her what she wants and bl abla bla so i ask myself why are some men scared of commitmet.Wgen push coems to shove some men cannot either take the responsibility or the pressure or both - or is it justs selfishness.Haiya maybe thats the reason OMg light bulb light bulb coz to commit requires you giving up a part of you to someone else - being ready to shelve soem of your selfish ambitions as you adjust to someone elses desires.Or wait could it be fear?Are the commitophobics scared to give up the familiar life they knew of wham-bam-thank you maam - no heart breaks no promises no I will call you to see how your day is?either way as they say face your fears and they will dissapear Mr X could have at least even offered to meet My certain Ms Y - oh well another one bites the dust back to the drawing board .

Work Hard, Play hard and Love Hard - Sigmund Freud

Memoirs of a Geisha

Aagh thumbs up for Memoirs of a Geisha the book am reading on one of the top 20 Geisha - though she claims she was not - in Kyoto.Oh wow where do I even start with descrbing a Geisha and the extent to which her alluring charm extends.At first I thought well they ar just the Japanese version of an Amsterdam hooker but OMG am on page 108 of the book and am thinking mmmhh they not too bad after all....here is a link you can read more http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Geisha but when and if you can I urge you to get the book and be tranported into the life of traditional Japan

East - West Coast Tour

So oneof these fine days right before my summer class ended Iwas sittign in class and thinking to myself hey summer has come and gone really fast and summer is not summer without me going out of state.So there I went straight to expedia.com and bought a return ticket to Carli a month ago - made a few phone calls - but do I say!!!and last week Monday I was lucky enough to be travesring the lands from the East to the West Coast.I got Virgin america which wa snot too bad - save for the AC that killed me softly and I got the darn aisle seat - thats the first thing I always look for when I get my boarding pass so 6 hours of staring at the screen flipping channels - oh they have very excellent in flight entertainment - very interactive - BUT...they only serve drinks free - everythign else you buy...can you imagine the nerve???6hours and all I get are liquids so I got there starving like crazy but was mad excited to see the LAX sign at th airport - it had been on my "Hve-to-sees list" for the longest while.so my "cousin" - in quotes coz am not really sure his connection with my m mum - oh well we family..and I drive dwon downtown L.A - very very beautiful - gosh Boston pales in comparison and i pass my other "to see" - The Staples Center - by now I was gaping like crazy...l
So I passed out as soon as we go thome - no wait this was after i had some cereal - being the bachelor he is that was all I could get my hungry stomach to eat...So anyway let me schem over things Wed met a friend I had not seen in eons - we went o to PRIMARY can you say PRIMARy school together - still has his gulley dimples - so he offerred to take the whole day off to take me round LA - we did the full tour - Hollywood sign , down Walk of Fame - saw all the stars names engraved on the path then Beverly hills yes like the real Beverly Hills - these mega houses its ridiculous - I think I have a pic or two I will put up.Walking down Beverly Hills was almost surreal esp Rodeo Drive where the "celebs" do all their shopping - there is this carefree atmosphere - you know the kind that money aint a thing the air is even a bit fresh - or is it me just being paranoid??then we went down Venic Beach which has wite sand - well kinda white - has nothign on the Tampa beach in Florida...then we did UCLA campus - saw the hospital where MJ was flown in immediately like the whole day I had to keep remindign myself Penny your in Carli it was an excellent experience.Thursday was chilled out - went to see my aunt Joyce after spending most of my day with my "cousins" traversing the lads from Bellflower to Azusa back to Bellflower - bangign deals with cars - so had dinner at Aunt Joyce little catchign up in short the trip was just that - short and sweet - and I love dit love di tlove dit.I was almost calling in sick for work - but I have done that a couple of times recently thanks to summer and all its plans and there are a few engagements I will be attending the next comign weekends before school opens soon.Speakign of which did I mentin school opens soon and as usual I am raring to go - the first semester my tuition is clear by the first day - yeah I know sad - lol one of my many challenges - but so far so good!!!

No excuses no apologies but am back!!!!!!!!

Ok so back to business...I have just seen somwhere it is good to dissapear for a while when you come back you always have a story to tell...So here I am gosh where do I begin - maybe with the most important story of my life since I was last here....I fell in love - yes return your jaw back up......well realized that I have been in love all this time with my best friend , soulmate and other half...It has been quite the journey from 2006 up until now he has walked me through my bad share of relationships , scolded me when I went astray and just been the voice of reason in my life for the past almost three years in September.So yes thats me - and its funny at first the regular cliche dating your best friend is disastrous made me hold back but trust me it has been so great - I mean its familiar territory we know each other inside out - even in the tone of a text I can tell his mood - yeah its that bad!!!
Ok other than that the music legendary MJ passed away - yes after half a century of touching peoples lives through the gift of music and dance he had a higher calling and left.Ummmmm what else what else guess this is it for today - as usual the first blogs after a while are always shallow but trust me I am back with a bang............and cupid so maybe the tone of my writing may change - somewhat - will see

Men = Cars

Okay so I got a new car which my best friend and I baptized "Rania" - Dennis you feel me??its a Honda Accord - I had some silly junk before that brought me such hell was falling apart like seriously - I felt like I was building Nissan a new car - I had to replace the convertor then the alternator get a new battery then what broke the camels back was last week the Meineke people tell me lady you are crazy driving that car its shaft is half out - apparently that holds the wheel in place .Basically I have learnt so many parts of a car its ridiculous..so anyway Rania runs well I have no complaints...So anyway it was quite a hell of a time looking for a car and along the way I had a mini Eureka moment..Looking for a car is like looking for a man.At first when you set out you have all these ideal qualities in mind - actually I was bent on getting a Rav 4 at the beginning.The first time I was looking for a car I remember the first thing I rushed to was the radio - how loud are the speakers , then looking for a sun roof are there leather seats- was oblivious to the fact that the silly car had 140 k miles , the engine was collapsing I was focusing on superficial stuff!!!Questions such as how does the engine run , whats the mileage on thecar , is the check engine light on bla bla bla bla..The same applies with the quest for a man.Initially you have these fantasies of Mr perfect - cute dimples,6 pack,tall dark but as time wanes face value of a car is not enough.Metaphorically , we need to see how does that engine run - how good is this guys heart , whats the mileage on this car - has this guy been around the block one too many times?is the check engine light on - are there red flags we need to be looking at? so anyway yeah that was just a tit bit...oh yeah so I also moved to my new place in Salem - i love it so much though parkign is a such a problem - I already have a ticket and got towed today whats up with that???so yeah I love the witch city or rather I love the environment that I live - its so next to school and school is my joy and am glad to be away from Lowell - I honestly felt stagnated for a while..so am now in the witch city and its next to the water front and oh i love it!!

To Fear or not to Fear.....that is the question

Happy Happy new Year....its sounds cliche by now but just for kicks sake let me say it again Happy New Year!!!they were interviewing passer bys in New York this mornign with one simple question "Give me one word to describe 2008? soem of the responses - turbulent , crazy , hopeful bla bla bla....thethe list is endless..2008 for me I think was a year of discovery.I felt like a researcher on the History Channel - exploring avenues in my life , endevouring out of state - ok just to D.C - meeting new people but most important I was glad to be part of history being made on November 4th 2008...who can ever forget "On this day in this defining moment because of what we did, change has come to America." - Obama
On another different but related note I am sad to say that I THINK mark my words THINK that the prevailing feeling behind everyones head is a sense of fear.In 20 days Obama moves to White House though but there is just an impending feeling that is going unvoiced with regard to the general state of things in the country and in the globe as a whole.It does not help that the Gaza strip is making headlines again with the Palestinians up in arms against the Israelis.they begun their year with bloodshed and fighting prompting the international community to shift focus from Wall Street to Bulawayo in Zimbabwe to the Gaza strip.
aside from the political unrest abroad the constant reminder in the media everyday of the worsening economy - I was driving by Linens and Things in NH and I see Huge blowout sale - going out of business and I thought are you serious even Linens and things??From the auto makers to the mortgage situation - banks are holding on to assets that have negative equity , to job insecurity I can go on and on - which I know is sadly not a way to start my blogging year.But you know what we have to constantly remind ourselves Nothing and I repeat Nothing last forever.things may seem bleak up ahead but if we loose sight of where we are going and how we will get there is when the situation will get the best of us... They say tough times do not last but tough people do.Let us master our fear before it masters us and besides it is fear of the unknown - we do not know if we are living in the end times , we do not know how long the economic situation will last , we do not know if God is testing us , we do not know if the Obama administration will provide a quick fix but all we do know is it is always darkest before dawn.I was telling a good friend of mine the other day who has so much going on and is trying to make sense out of everything that something big is about to happen in her life she just doesnt know it yet.I have seen it happen to two people so close to my heart - things were so bad that hope was the only option and just when they were on their last breath of strength - the miracle came.With every situation in life God has to push you to your limit - so down that the only way to go is back up...so America and the world - God is not done with you yet . so I just checked my grades for last semester - I was so proud of myself coz for real I was so engrossed with mum and adis visit I did not fully exert myself in my books.Another exciting thing I have just received an update from One World Youth Project - am excited about the retreat in July - am pushing for California as a venue and what else is exciting is things are shaping up - the general direction that the NGO is taking is so exciting the possibilities are endless am so happy for Jess - the founder - she is such a go getter inspires me to get off my lazy butt...check out the website here http://www.oneworldyouthproject.org/..ok my shoulders hurt i need a massage asap...Its two in the morning going to catch a movie - The other Boleyn girl.....
Through the window..

Christmas in the Diaspora

So yesterday was the 25th ofiicial christmas day .A place I would love to have been is Manger square - Bethlehem - home of the site where Jesus was bon a couple of thousand years ago...But tsk tsk I was miles away in Seabrook NH - hadtaken one of the ladies I work with to spen time with her family.What amazed me the most was the manner in which to them chritmas is a time mainly to unwrap gifts and compare notes on who has got what.....Christmas in the diaspora is not what we as Kenyans have been brought up with.My rommate Mary brought me to this reaity yesterday desribing how she misses her kids and good ol family times over christmas nyam chom - the long drive to see cucu guka and cousins you have not seen the whoel year...Then I get to work later on in te day and my workmate tells me the exact same thing Peny can you imagine we are working on Christmas day - a lady with children and a huzzy....the sad reality is that life in the diaspora seems to offer material satisfaction to some extent but sadly there are things that life here snatches away - the laughter and joy of Christmas with family but most important rememberig that 2000 years ago in a lowly manger in Bethlehem a carpenters son was born to die and save the world...instead of spending so much time going round the malls shopping for gifts why dont we take that time to go to a cancer ward and hold a childs hand who is bald from chemo.Take time to say thank you Jesus coz you died I live, tell the ones you love how much you love them...
So we may be miles away from home but that should not stop us from just being thank ful for the smallthing we take for granted - that you are alive is blessing enough t see another year...so Kenyans out here hang in there hold on to your Christmas memories of days gone as memories keep us grounded and not forget where we are from......

Enough Mugabe Enough!!!!

Robert Gabriel Mugabe...Zimbabwe has had enough you have milked her dry you have milked her people dry enough is enough...Mugabe with the white man is what Hitler was with the Jews during the Holocaust.Am sure if you ask Mugabe who his mentor is he will tell you Adolf Hitler.The similarities are so similar - the most obvious is the famous mustache - look at Mugabe look at Hitler..then their Marxist beliefs , both did not have a father figure in their lives from an early age...Okay am straying from my point...I think its so unfair that I can write all this down while someone in Zim right now cannot even fathom what will happen to them should they even entertain any subservient thoughts not even talk about the government.
The statistics in Zim are alarming - the highest bank note right now is at 10 quintillion - I did not even know such a word existed...inflation is at 1 million percent is that right surely mathematically , morally and economically speaking??Mortality rate for men is at 37 for women is at 34!!!the lowest in the world..
The saddest is the cholera and hunger outbreak...a farmer I quote , "You should see what we eat in our homes," said Ethel Sibanda, 55. "I haven't eaten isitshwala (a thick porridge made from maize meal) for a long time now. My family and I have relied on wild fruit and kernels of the amarula tree. We last received maize in my area in November."..

Zimbabwe is crying out and we as the world are so busy solving our credit,auto,mortgage crises celebrating christmas - it is so unjust.Rwanda cried out during the genocide and the world kept on doing its thing - causing a 21st century African holocaust.....the International community needs to be mobilized in Zim...yes there are laws that avoid a country from infringing on another countries sovereign rights but just this once those laws need to be over looked...this is a humanitarian cause.. Mugabe needs to get out of his palace and look around him..people are falling like flies from hunger...so what can we do as individuals is my question??

"The only white man you can trust is a dead white man."
- Robert Mugabe

Emotional Roller Coaster

Gosh it has been ages since I was last here I have so much to say so much to write so many pictures to post I do not even know where to begin...Maybe I can begin by its December 22nd there are 8 days to the close of this year I rememeber last year at this time we were psyking up to go to Florida with Shingi and Prisc OMG and this year I am so bila any plot...watsup with that ???
so anyhu.....today was a day for me to push off..I think with 8 days left to the end of the year its a moment of reflection - look back at the year - achievements , downfalls , nonstarters - as Dennis would call them...I was not only reflecting on the year but in generall the last couple of weeks have been an emotional roller coaster for me in so many ways I cannot even describe in words...For one mum and Adi have been here for four months - at the beginning it seemed like such a long time but time went to so fast we had a such a grand time by the time they were leaving I think I begun experiencing withdrawal symptoms - haiya for real - no more mums food , Adisas sarcasm , just the joy and laughter of family...Secondly am leaving Lowell and more specifically Mary.Lowell has been my home for the two years that I have been in this country so I will somehow always call it my home in America and Mary has been more than a rommmate , but a friend a teacher a mentor and almost a mother to me in so many ways....so yes am moving to Salem - so I am a "tabula rosa" - blank slate - ready to write another chapter in my life.Its very exciting , nerve racking , but all in all am ready to grab the bull by the horns...but thats what life is about grabbing it by the horns - we cant let it get the better of us....My reasons for moving are many that I will not go into detail but I think everyone at some point in life reaches a turning point where decisions have to be made , actions have to be taken words have to be spoken to find your purpose and achieve certain things ..okay am getting carried away as usual....
So other than that - certain relationships in my life have been ...whats the word I can put there...can I say growing??advancing??getting deeper??confusing?? generally the lines / boundaries that I had with certain people are becoming blurred and the worst thing is I cant really explain what the expectations are or what the outcome will be so its a grey area in my life right now...and I really like seeing things either black or white..hopefully the whole thing will get done with as little heartbreak as possible - not a good feeling....
Yes so thats why my emotions feel like they have had a pass to the roller coaster at Six Flags....so today I drove to New Hampshire to my quiet coffee house to absorb myself in The Swallows Of Kabul - great book - I think am falling in love with Afghanistan.now thats a whole other story...so anyway the ambience of the place gets five stars the music is great not too many people actually no people at all I go there when I want to be me want to let go think straight and read a good book...so there was the sweetest couple that came in...so am deep in my book..from the corner of my eye i see a walker I did not even bother looking up but as they passed I saw it was a very old lady with her equally old husband by her side and he was helping her with the walker and he held her bag sat her down brought her coffee aaaggh i was almost in tears it was so sweet to see how the old guy still thought the world of his woman...Ok yeah bear with me...as I said I have been an emotional wreck...

The life I touch for good or ill will touch another life, and that in turn another, until who knows where the trembling stops or in what far place my touch will be felt.
Frederck Buechner

The Buck stops here.....

Okay so its one day to the elections and trust me things are getting nastier and nastier...the nominees from all the states are getting more and more desperate to outshine outdo outsmart and outvote each other....I was watching Sununu and Shaheen - they are running for New Hampshire and the ads are all all "We do not want more of the same George Bush" , Bush this Bush that Bush and taxes Bush and the war its all his fault....but you know the strange thing , I think its just human nature to want to put the blame on someone....Its so much easier to say I dint do it its all your fault...The proverbial kid that has just broken a glass...the first words that come to mind - "I dint do it.." So back to the politics - I think the whole dow dipping below negative , the credit crunch , fore closures etc what if I said Bush is not entirely to blame??I think this is a hole that America has dug herself into over the years...I am not trying to be cynical - far from it but for real as Rev Wright put it Americas chicken have come home to roost...this is in many aspects - from the credit lending - I mean how do you use and use and spend and spend money that is not yours....money that you will not be able to pay back at the end of the month??Open up anybodys wallet around here...so many creadit cards will fall out like bats out of hell...So many calls at the end of the month Hi am calling from Jack n Jill collection agency am calling about a debt...Hi am calling on behalf of ABC bank your loan is over due.....as much as America I can give credit as the hardest working nation.....(trust me people here work liek hell - a good 60 % of people are averaging two jobs) I have to say the whole living from pay check to paycheck has to stop here!!at the end of the month the money has gone to paying the car paying the TV paying the laptop everything is on credit...my mother always told me "do not live above your means"..so instead of blaming Bush - yes I do admit some of his descions have been off the radar - we need to sit back and say no the buck stops here this time...I cannot blame Bush for spending this credit card to the limit....yes I could blame him for the war in Iraq - but then again thats a whole historic Sunni Shiite battle that goes waaay back -but please guys...if we want the country to change the age old adage change begins at home has to apply....if you cannot afford to pay that monthly payement on that Rav 4 let it slide - get a cheap used honda for now and sit back and think how you can make money to get a new car later....so guys I have the busiest week coming up ...exams projects..and other odds and ends I need to tie up...
ok so next time I will be writing we will hae a new president....watch this space

Munch on this

Two Quotes I picked here and there :

Life is too short to wake up with regrets
So love the people who treat you right,
and forget about the ones who dont.
and beleive that everything happens for a reason.
If you get a chance, take it.
Nobody said that it would be easy,
they just promised that it would be worth it.

99 Balloons

Okay so I am yet to learn how to down load videos onto my blog ...so bear with me in the meantime and click this link...it will take you to a video I watched today of young Baby Elliot who was born with Trisomy 18...http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qILw1iFzmIE ...Okay so today I will get all biological on you.Trisomy 18 is a genetic condition that affects the 18th gene.There are 23 pairs of human chromosomes. In Trisomy 18 (Edwards syndrome), there is an extra chromosome with the 18th pair. Like Trisomy 21 (Down syndrome), Trisomy 18 affects all systems of the body and causes distinct facial features. It is estimated to occur in 1 in 6,000-8,000 live births. Unfortunately, about 95% of fetuses die before birth, so the actual incidence of the disorder may be higher. Of those born, approximately 80% are females. Trisomy 18 affects individuals of all ethnic backgrounds.VST - (Ventricular Septal Defect - a hole between the lower chambers of the heart) , ASD (Atrial Septal Defect - a hole between the upper chambers of the heart), and coarctation of the aorta (a narrowing of the exit vessel from the heart), kidney abnormalities, omphalocele (a portion of the intestinal tract is located outside the stomach in a sac), esophageal atresia (the esophagus does not connect to the stomach, meaning the baby cannot eat by mouth), and polyhydramnios (excess amniotic fluid), clenched hands, choroid plexus cysts (a pocket of fluid on the brain that is not problematic in itself but may be a marker for Trisomy 18), rocker bottom feet, and delayed growth, micrognathia (small jaw), low-set ears, and a strawberry-shaped head, as well as severe developmental delays..Then there is also Trisomy 13 which is more severe as it occurs lower in the chromosome arrangement - affects chromosome 13...then there is Trisomy 23 - Downs Syndrome which is more common today I am being the Bio geek that I am....So the link is of Baby Elliot who lived for 99 days and he was such an inspiration to his parents during his funeral they released 99 ballons in the air.......I just thought I should share the conditions and this tiny piece of heaven - Baby elliot...

What If

Today I saw the most touching article I have seen in a minute....My friend Eric was preaching at his friends funerals sermon and his title was "What If"...these are some of the what ifs he posted
What if Forbes named me a millionare?• What if I was famous and Rich?• What if I lived in a big house and I drove a big car?• What if I was blond like Brittney Spears…who is no longer blonde but bald! Hehe!
So the point he was trying to put across was what if you died today would you go to heaven??On another different but related note I think what is driving my passion to write is that the official ten day countdown to the presidential elections begun today and the questions on everybodys minds are What if we get to see the next black president??What if Mc Cain wins?What if the votes are rigged?What if What if what if??
I think my friend is right..life is made up of what ifs..Ithink what if is a defining statement that can be a defining moment in ones life depending on the answer...What if you jumped off that cliff?What if you did not get that visa?What if you were born white?So in this regard...I think America and the world are at a great defining What If moment in history if the Democrats take home White hOuse on Nov 4th....If Obama wins as the first African American president...it not only is a victory on American turf but also victory that dates back to the days of the Civil War and Rosa Parks on the all white Alabama bus to Martin Luther to the Mau Mau freedom fighters in Kenya to Nelson Mandelas 27years in prison to the continous stigma thats associated with the black race....It will be victorius in the sense that the struggle for equality has paid off - that people wil realiza that we all belong to the human race and not just one particular race....that whether you are Black white Hispanic Caucasian you have no dominion over anybody ..that you can dream dreams and set out to accomplish them...and whether you win or loose the struggle must go on!!!So what if Obama does become president....what if he doesnt??

The Negro needs the white man to free him from his fears. The white man needs the Negro to free him from his guilt. -Martin Luther King, Jr.

down in the dumps.....

Okay so am in serious pain right now...my shoulders feel as though they are going to snap any moment now...my head is spinning...am sleepy and hungry...I am just in a general disorientated state I seriously cannot write anything of importance today but just vent.......I have an exam kesho for anthropolgy that I will see stars for sure I want to trade in my car...it is bringing me so much hell I got back a Psych exam I had an 85 thats a freaking B - yes I only strive for As .....aaaaaaaggggggghhhh am screaming...today is one of those days I just wish I had a cabin house in Colorado...get into a jacuzzi then curl up in front of the fire place have a real man by my side laughing and talking all night long then going to watch the sunrise..... I just want to be out there in the wild chasing the wind.....AM DOWN IN THE DUMPS...I NEED A PICK ME UPER!!!!!

Am Disgusted, saddenned, ashamed , stark raving mad!!!!!!

Today after a very long time I went to the Nation media website to see whats happening in good ol Kenya...Good ol indeed...the first article has driven me back to my blog - it seems I come here when I have so much emotion.....and yes I do....the title read "13 die as matatu and lorry collide" so I thought okay another grisly accident on Mombasa road or the ill fated Nakuru Naivasha "highway" as they call it!!!So I begin reading and the second paragraph made me do a double take...I quote no let me copy and paste for greater effect...Bodies of the passengers and their belongings were strewn all over the road when the Nation team arrived at the scene shortly after 5pm. The accident occurred at about 3pm near Berea Bible College, about 35km from Nakuru Town..Okay people maybe its just me or are you seeing something wrong...very wrong with that statement???!!!!The damn thing happened at 3 and two hours later the bodies are still lying all over the place...am jumping up and down in fury right now.Check out the story here..It makes me so upset the negligence of the system in Kenya or is it Africa as a whole My God the response is so delayed who knows in two hours how many lives would have been saved!!!!!!!!Aaaagh!!!And the worst thing is this is has been happening since I was young I knew "the black spot on the Nairobi Naivasha highway" and October 2008 am 22 years old and we are still singing the same song...On another silmilar but related note there was also an articlein the same paper titled
"Frustration of unanswered emergency calls."..The article begins...

It’s 8pm, and Naomi Mulia calls her office for help; she has just come across a boy’s body lying on a city street.
“What do I do?” Ms Mulia asks her colleague who is on night shift.
“Call the police — that’s a police case,” comes the reply.
She dials 999 but for 10 minutes, no one is picking it up. She gets upset, and looks left, then right to find out if anyone is watching. No one. She quietly leaves the scene.
“First, I dialled 999 and got the ‘number-doesn’t-exist’ tone. I was surprised and thought I pressed the wrong code,” she said later. “Then I recalled instructions on display in public booths: ‘In case of emergency, dial 0’. So I tried 0, but the line went silent.”

For petes sake am I over reacting for nothing or am I more upset coz my favourite aunt was a victim as well a month ago to a road accident....or maybe because my sister is a quadriplegic as well because of a road accident...or maybe my good friend Joans younger brother was knocked by a matatu when he was only 8 years old...or is it because Njeri lost her dad and sis at a go through a road accident...or maybe am plain mad at the negligence of the those in charge of maintaining law and order...Or maybe am not justified in comparing it to here in the States where you can call 911 if your head is paining and they will be there in 5 minutes tops.....Is it that life is more valuable here than it is developing countries???
No I refuse...I refuse to read these articles and go oh how sad...and do nothign about it...I refuse to watch innocent peoples lives taken away just beacus eof negligenc eon the part of the police....no no no no!!!!!!!!!
Here are some great quotes I picked from the OWYP online chat held on Sunday....aagh am still mad!!!

The more intensely we feel about an idea or a goal, the more assuredly the idea, buried deep in our subconscious, will direct us along the path to its fulfillment." -Earl Nightingale.

Give a man a fish; you have fed him for today...Teach a man to fish ; and you have fed him for a lifetime...

Through the window.....