Emotional Roller Coaster

Gosh it has been ages since I was last here I have so much to say so much to write so many pictures to post I do not even know where to begin...Maybe I can begin by its December 22nd there are 8 days to the close of this year I rememeber last year at this time we were psyking up to go to Florida with Shingi and Prisc OMG and this year I am so bila any plot...watsup with that ???
so anyhu.....today was a day for me to push off..I think with 8 days left to the end of the year its a moment of reflection - look back at the year - achievements , downfalls , nonstarters - as Dennis would call them...I was not only reflecting on the year but in generall the last couple of weeks have been an emotional roller coaster for me in so many ways I cannot even describe in words...For one mum and Adi have been here for four months - at the beginning it seemed like such a long time but time went to so fast we had a such a grand time by the time they were leaving I think I begun experiencing withdrawal symptoms - haiya for real - no more mums food , Adisas sarcasm , just the joy and laughter of family...Secondly am leaving Lowell and more specifically Mary.Lowell has been my home for the two years that I have been in this country so I will somehow always call it my home in America and Mary has been more than a rommmate , but a friend a teacher a mentor and almost a mother to me in so many ways....so yes am moving to Salem - so I am a "tabula rosa" - blank slate - ready to write another chapter in my life.Its very exciting , nerve racking , but all in all am ready to grab the bull by the horns...but thats what life is about grabbing it by the horns - we cant let it get the better of us....My reasons for moving are many that I will not go into detail but I think everyone at some point in life reaches a turning point where decisions have to be made , actions have to be taken words have to be spoken to find your purpose and achieve certain things ..okay am getting carried away as usual....
So other than that - certain relationships in my life have been ...whats the word I can put there...can I say growing??advancing??getting deeper??confusing?? generally the lines / boundaries that I had with certain people are becoming blurred and the worst thing is I cant really explain what the expectations are or what the outcome will be so its a grey area in my life right now...and I really like seeing things either black or white..hopefully the whole thing will get done with as little heartbreak as possible - not a good feeling....
Yes so thats why my emotions feel like they have had a pass to the roller coaster at Six Flags....so today I drove to New Hampshire to my quiet coffee house to absorb myself in The Swallows Of Kabul - great book - I think am falling in love with Afghanistan.now thats a whole other story...so anyway the ambience of the place gets five stars the music is great not too many people actually no people at all I go there when I want to be me want to let go think straight and read a good book...so there was the sweetest couple that came in...so am deep in my book..from the corner of my eye i see a walker I did not even bother looking up but as they passed I saw it was a very old lady with her equally old husband by her side and he was helping her with the walker and he held her bag sat her down brought her coffee aaaggh i was almost in tears it was so sweet to see how the old guy still thought the world of his woman...Ok yeah bear with me...as I said I have been an emotional wreck...

The life I touch for good or ill will touch another life, and that in turn another, until who knows where the trembling stops or in what far place my touch will be felt.
Frederck Buechner