What next.com

So the title is from one of the most hilarious ads its some guy who is about to propose after dinner so the dishes are being cleared - the fiance to be comes rushing in with dirty plates just as he is about to pop the ring out of the box it falls into the sink drain.He looks up at the camera and the words whatnext.com flash across the screen.basically its an ad for that website where you can get yourself out of a situation when you feel stuck....So this week has been one of those what next kind of weeks - a good and dear friend of mine found himself in a situation where its an okay what next??There was the tornado in Joplin, MO that left the city totally devastated - like a whole city flattened like flat chapati flat. Wednesday Oprah had her last show - after 25 years of gracing our scree...So anyhu I have been thinking about different situations in life - especially this media driven society where news is good once its hot after that its stale bread.But then I think so what happens after the cameras are not flashing , after the curtain comes down, after the music stops - what happens to the lives of people who today are making waves and then tommorrow its like boom - the tide just drifted them away.I mean the media is so quick to shine a light on something happening in a certain part of the world and then when the next thing comes along its like the current story was a myth.I have so many examples - I think of the guy with the golden voice - the beggar discovered in Cleaveland with a radio voice - he was a hit for two days and then boom vanished into rehab - where is he? how is he doing? did he survive hollywood?I think of the people of Japan - the earthquake struck they made headlines for a week and then bam on to the next story - how are the families rebuilding their lives?how are the ones who were injured coping?I think of the earthquake in Haiti - we donated billions and then ok let them fend for themselves --how about that woman who lost her whole family how is she doing?The young girl with amputated legs - how is she coping?Oh my I think this was my main aim of this story Gabby Giffords - after the Arizona shooting she made headlines for a two weeks and then the last we heard she was in rehab - but how is she progressing? is she able to speak? Can she walk?I mean gosh my list is endless - so many times we get so caught up in the general story we forget to dig a bit deeper into the individual piece.I call it the power of follow up - and no not the after business meeting email - to thank the other party for their input and bla bla bla I mean the hey am checking up on you after what happened ho can I make this transition easier.Many a times until we are personally struck by a tragedy we tend to move on with our daily routine as long as whats happening does not affect us personally.Its easier to sit in the side lines specatate and pity party all day than it is to say hey I may not know what you are going through or have gone through but I hope just my prescence will show am genuinely concerned...Ok thats just me trying to be Mother Theresa - I guess as Denzz always tells me actions speak louder than words so let me practice what am preaching....through the window ;)

What does it mean to you?

So the service last Sunday was entitled - Loving others more than life.It basically described Christs love for mankind that he was willing to take all the scum sin and dirt and carry it to the cross.You know how you feel after you have done something you know you should not have - like lie to a good friend, cheat on your spouse or cheat on an exam - that guilt feeling you experience.Now imagine putting all those bad feelings from millions of people in one soul - murderers, adulterers, thieves, con-men and saying hey I will take it all so that you do not have to feel that way.I mean its mind boggling - the whole week I have been confronting what salvation means to me - was driving to work teh other day then a line from a song made me almost weep, "I know you had me on your mind when you climbed upon that cross.....every stripe upon your battered back, every thorn that pierced your brow and every nail drove through guiltless hands knows that your love knows no end.." When I think of salvation the scenario of a kidnapping always comes to my mind.The kidnappers have asked for such a huge ransom that the family cannot come up with.In the same way sin is like the kidnappers and the ransom was just too high for man to pay and then here steps this gentle priceless savior - I say priceless because he paid all the ransom for everyone and I mean everyone in double portion so what bound us (sin) says okay you can have your child back....yeah I know weird but thats what I think of the whole process of salvation.And I call it a process because as much as the ransom was paid the kidnapper is always on the prowl looking to take hostage but you see after the cross its makes this time different because the ransom has already been paid and all one needs to do seek repentance and so remaining hostage is more of a choice.Okay am I going off on a tangent here - someone catch me....I just thought of that and thought I should rant and rave a bit - seeing it has been a loong minute....so thats what I think what does salvation mean to you??

Are we consuming life or is life consuming us??

So I have just come from watching the NBA All stars final game.Yeah all the hot shots in basketball gather annually to show off who got skills who can dunk who can shoot the best three pointers etc.So the Celtics were fortunate to get four players in the final game and even two in the three point shooting contest.The performance was from yesterday all I can say is that is nothing even close to Celtic basketball.So today I wondered mmmh even the final game I think the four celtics only played for a quarter in terms of total time..Like they were literraly hanging out drinking Gatorade... I love you Celtics but today enyewe in Quabberian terms you HAD LIED!!!!So it go tme thinking the Celtics are so consumed by winning the 18th banner that am sure this whole thing is just like a yeah ok whatever lets get this over with can June get here already??After last years loss to the lakers its like they have been on a vengance quest all season long - am serious.Celtics have been playing to win it all season long so mambo ya All stars is just a distraction..But honestly I wonder how we as human beinsg sometimes get so consumed by achieving all these great things in life we forget to live in the moment.Instead of consuming life life is consuming us.The main point in my little shpill today is I am doing my psych rotation at a children unit and men can I tell you I have been shown first hand what teh pace of society is doing to the American children.Week after week I have watched children come in with all conditions from depression , suicide , cutting, anxiety and such internalized anger that almost brings me to tears.I look at those kids and wonder gosh is this the price we have to pay for the rate at which society has forced us to always feel we need to be on the move, always think that if we stay home the rest o fthe world is moving so fast and we are being left behind, always think that if we stop and play games with our children , hug them and laugh with them they will become spoilt brats.Gosh I have seen teenager after teenager come in with such heaviness relaying how they would like to throw themself off a bridge or infront of a moving car.It has been said the eyes are the window to the soul and it literally broke my heart when I looked and saw the depth of their sadness in their eyes.We run an art group and gosh most of the artwork seemed to be comign from a dark place.There were explosions in the sky one had a broken heart...all were ideas that in one way or the other depicted the storms raging within their minds....Most of them for one reason or the other have been abused or made to feel like they amount to absolutely nothing and others simply have been denied the ability to play and be children.My colleague told me being a parent in America is not easy and I think the same is also true - being a child is also not easy.From the mother working the 7a - 7p and the father going for the overnight shift or the other way around , to parents opting to have only one child , to face book corrupting the minds of the little ones , to peer pressure and bullying , to pedophiles who do not allow parents to let their children play on the street until dark. I mean yeah the Wii is great, internet has all this "cool stuff" , Iphones , Ipads, Ipods , kindles, the list is endless...There was a joke about how the t.v is used by some parents as the automatic babysitter.As the parent finishes work they have brought home, or even worse matybe the parent is just not home when little Johny gets home. I mean gosh I grew up in a society where my mother used to say, " Go and play and come home when they start turning the lights on at the neighbours," i.e when it becomes dark.And we would come back all bruised , tired but boy had we climbed those mango trees , played house and rode the bicycles all over the little town and LAUGHED......Gosh the gift of laughter pricelessss.I just have one thing to parents please let your children be children.Lets not let society dictate how we will raise them up..Medications are not to the cure for everything you can pump a kid with all the Ativan in the world but if you never hug him he will be anxious over and over again.My mum always used to shout when she got home, 'Have I hugged my baby today ?" and when she gave me the warmest hug all my problems of teh day seemed to melt away.So pls lets not get so consumed with chasing things that are temporary but let us invest time in chasing things that we will live with the rest of our lives.Lets learn to consume life and not allow life to consume us.....oh that feels much better - gosh writing is great therapy...its a little window of release.

Did you drop your smile??

So today I am at the point of super exhaustion I had a morning clinical for maternity - I got to see a c section - the tears that rolled down the fathers face as he took a video of the baby being pulled out - priceless.The little boy was the cutest cuddliest thing i love babies when they played the soft music they play when a baby is born of course I was the only one n tears in my group lol...So anyhu I got to give the baby his first birth can you imagine I felt like I had just been told to carry the World cup from point A to B. He was so quiet and I was handling with such care hadi he clinical instructor goes like "trust me he does not break." I felt like I would squeeze to hard on the skul oh it was such a great time the proud grandparents gosh Maternity is such a happy place....so anyhu after I had a class and as I was walking to class and some guy infront of me tells the lady who was coming towards me "Lady you dropped your smile." She literally bent down to pick something and as she was halfway down it hit her what he had said.Her face immediately broke into a wide grin.I found that so powerful -to think that the things that may at times be bugging us on the inside or worries that we sometimes hold on to can spill over into our facial expression.A phrase my sister always says about how beautiful it is when someone smiles through a storm.I remember the day she had her spinal fusion - and she probably does not remember this but as she was wheeled from the O.R to recovery despite all the meds, pain and discomfort she broke into a smile.Smiling through a storm is easier said than done - when things are lookign bleak we forget that worrying about it will not lighten the load.I always tell Dennis - always at a time when he is almost smash something furious lol to "stay positive' and I think one way of that is by smiling even when its really almost impossible.It takes more muscle to frown than to smile so what the heck!So my question to you did you drop your smile today????

Love is blind ..literally and figuratively...

I have been meaning to write this for a week or so now...I just have not had the time or lack or good prioritizing as adisa would say.It has been a minute since I was here - lets just say my summer was spent caged up in a place I have grown to love over two months...but thats a whole new blog for a whole new day...Lets just say it was a rollercoaster ride - from catching babies in Maternity to waiting for a medflighted patient in the E.R to drawing blood to hanging out with interpreter services to watching brain surgery to heart stents being placed it was a journey like no other - a gift that I was so humbled to receive.But today am not writing on that...though I would love to...I came to the conclusion last week that love is blind in all literal and figurative sense.So anyhu..I had the chance to spend an afternoon with a lady who was born with a form of macular dystrophy - which has caused her to be blind.So we hang out at the mall chatted for most of the while had dinner etc.We got talking and she begun to tell me how she met the guy she has been dating for the past three years and they are soon to be married.The whole romance story just blew my heart away - in a nutshell he fell in love with her from the day that he met her and of course she played hard to get for a while and bla bla bla the rest is history.So after the mall we got to hang out all three of us and just watching them interact just made me smile on the inside as I saw how we treated her like a queen - gently guiding her as they walked, squeezing her hand as they talked getting her cup cakes - yeah we had a midnight snacking binge with tea..I mean for a moment there I was invisible - the love in the room was so thick between them it got me thinking how love is so blind.... really it is...which then raises the question is love an it, is it a person , is it a feeling, or is love simply God.Is love Gods way of showing us how He does not see the outward He looks at the heart coz one of the things the lady told me that attracted her to Mr X was his selfless nature.His big heart as she put it.I mean we are trained as humans from an early age to see the container before we see the contents. Think about it as a kid you would not pick the plain cereal box... you went for the one with all the colours and promises of a Yoyo inside before you even saw the Yo yo.Ok so where was I going with all this mmmhh oh yah so its interesting how we write people off based on what they look like how they sound like or even how they dress.I wish we could learn to scratch a little bit beneath the surface - find out whats underneath that tough coat - whats treasures lie underneath the X marks the spot...I think I love love..its cliche but its true love makes the world go round.Everyone has that someone somwhere that loves them not for what they see but for who they are - on the inside.I mean its true what they say someone who is truly beautiful is beutiful first on the inside ok enough rambling...we have a tropical storm headed our way - Earl and as usual teh media is in a frenzy making such a fuss - i mean seriously people get a grip..you see thats the problem with the media they can almost be a cult.They make things into such a frenzy that people start beleiveing eveything that they sa..ok its one thirty a.m kwa dirisha baby..,,,


The secret of your future is hidden in your daily routine - again someones facebook status...

Passengers in life

So today was awesome it was day one of my fellowship - like officially so far I have been doing orientation - like another serious thorough thing that lasted a week so today we finaly hit the floor with the other fellow...His name is Jason.He from Mexico....very cool dude has so many stroies we have lunch together and he is a good laugh.So anyhu yesterday there was a lady - brilliant is the word that comes to my mind when I think about Vanessa.She gave us a a mini presentation - actually it was more than a presentation it was so interactive she set us up in groups of ten and had us give our "villages" as she called them a name.So in twenty minutes we were to get to know each other by answering five questions - I hope I can remember them.Who are you?What drives you?Why this proffesion?Who / what made you be where you are today?who do you want to be remembered as?wow I think these questions can sum up ones life in a page...So anyhu she gave us a phrase that went something like "We are all passengers on a bus / commuter rail on this journey called life and the moment we see someone as though they are on another journey is when we have failed." I think she meant the moment we start seeign people different or treating people coz they dont look or talk the way we do or act the same is when problems arise such as innjustice , mistreatmeant, discrimination - on all facets - colour religion, disability etc....So where was I going with this...oh to relate it to this ...yesterday I find out someone I know is gay...at first I was taken aback but we delged into it - I of course asking silly questions "So how did you know? Is it something you have always had or it came recently??So we talked about it and at the end I honestly said to the person I do not see them any different than I did last week - and am so honest about that.I think we need to scratch the surface a bit more and find out whats really beneath the skin...behind the layers of colour and disabilty we need to realize that we are all in this journey together - with one final destination.Think about it this way - we are ten people all going to New York on a Greyhound in a mini van that only fits five...There are those who will make the best out of the journey and get to know the person next to them and even start singing songs to make the trip faster.Then there are the other five who will complainf and grunt the whole day and give each other uncormfortable stares coz they do not know who the other people are and care less who they are...So Vanessa was giving us the caring credential of MGH as a hospital how it strives to give patient quality care that stretches beyond just the surface...One of my interview questions I remember was Why nursing as a proffesion.And Isaid I like being able to see beyond a persons current situation - beyond the IV poles , beyond the catheters beyond the bandaids.I want to know what was going on in your life before this happened.how many children you have the countries you have been to and the experiences you have faced in life.And I know nursing is the only profession that allows me to do that and see beyond their condition...Oh so am drifting...I always do when i have so much to say....Case in point today my patients were two older gentlemen both very wealthy- sit on scholarship commitees, have travelled the world over, both their rooms had a beautiful view of the Charles River and all the boats and trust me they were paying for the view.. but at the end of the day they were at their crumbling point it doesnt matter who you are where you are from or what you have done you are as vulnerable as the poor sick man at the clinic down the road.So it should be like that all the time in all aspects of life not only when we are most vulnerable is when people or things we never used to even give a second thought start to matter....like Vanessa said we are all passengers on this same journey called life...Meanwhile the celtics are playing tommorrow a FINAL and not just any final the NBA finals - a years work of practice is going down tommorrow,I really hope they win they have worked so hard to prove the pundits and nay sayers wrong.ok its ten thirty am up at five a.m lol Penny getting up over the summer at a whole 5 am kweli the economy is tough lolest!!!!kwa dirisha baby.....


There can be a lot of activity with no productivity... -someones face book status

Five doors knocked = 1 open

So today I check my mailbox and find a letter for a scholarship that I had applied for a while back I had even almost forgotten about it.Sadly it was a "This year we had so many firece applications essays and unfortunately your was not one of the selected." Yeah I was dashed but only for like five minutes but dusted myself off.Reason being I had just come from day two of my oreintation for the Fellowship at Mass Gen - it was awesome - an informal meet and greet with the two amazing mentors who host the fellowship - Deb Washington and Bernice Avila - I love them already they are like my Mass Gen mothers and mentors at the same time.So anyhu as much as I did not get the Cherokee scholarship it was worth a try and thats what life is all about.You have to knock on five doors so that at leats one may open.Had I chosen to just apply to that and not try other arenas I would be so dissapointed but now I am so tied with my other endevaours.And I think thats a major reason y we give up so fast on so many things we just try one place and when we get turned down we stop trying altogether.One thing I know am not afraid of is rejection.The fear of failure of getting turned down - its shows at least I am trying making moves - a term I like to call "shifting the furniture." So start shifting the furniture around in your "house" (life) move things around knock on doors when there is no response try pry open the window there are so many ways to get into a house who said you have to use the door.Hey, Santa uses the chimney pull all the stops until you get in.

Of life and faith

So I have just come from watching a win or go home match between the Phoenix Suns and the L.A Lakers - really feel bad for the Suns they have done such a great job all season long..and I mean it would be good to have some variety for once to rep the Western side for the playofffs c kila saa Lakers Lakers.Anyhu they get to meet my lovely Celtics next Thursday - bring it on Lakers - lets show you what good basketball is all about...Oh back to my main story...So the last couple of weeks I have seen God.Yeah I know it sounds ???? but for real I have seen Gods hand in my life in ways I cannot even begin to describe.First two weeks ago I received a call that I had been awarded the Mary Coppola Scholarship -its some scholarship in the nursing school.Then the big one came this week.There is a fellowship that I had my eye on from last year November - can you say last year November .Yani I stumbled across the fellowship one of my late nights online and knew then and there that I was going to be a fellow by whatever means.Basically it is a 12 week fellowship where you are paired up with a minority mentor at Mass Gen and you get to go to various departments - get more hands on experience which is what I really want...So I applied - I think I was the first one to apply - initially there were between 30 - 40 applicants - and am talking applicants from kina Umass Amherst Boston College Brandeis you know the top shot schools so me there and my ka Salem State I said hey what the heck what do they have that I do not have.So anyhu from 30 we were zeroed down to ten then final 4 can you imagine I made it to the final four!!!So each of us had half an hour interview...So I check into the room I expect it to be me and one or MAYBE two people shock on me I enter and there were four ladies.Heh wacha they start introducing themselves.Am so and so director paediatric nursing am so and so director Orthopedic nursing at Mass gen. etc there I am putting on a straight face - oh nice to meet you...Haiya so the questions rolled in...Yani I am tellign you the confidence came from God.I was answerign questions that right now I wish I recorded myself coz I have no idea what I was sayign but funny by the end of it I was like "Gal you nailed that one."So they said they would get back to me in about two days...Anyhu the long of the short I got the fellowship!!!I was beyond myself with happiness - I think I have not yet swallowed up until now that I am a Hausman Fellow2010.You know I would open the website everytime I was online and see the fellows - last year I think there were two guys and one chick in th middle and trust me I would imagien my self there...So yes I got it and you know the thing that made me stay the course - one word Faith...Gosh for real its true faith as little as a mustard seed can move mountains...as little as a mustard seed.Just the belief that Gods got it.Whatever teh situation is however things may appear Gods got it if you just have faith in Him.Gosh we serve such a huge God - the cattle and the sheep of the land are all His.If its that job you need if its those finances you need sorted if its happiness, an internship, friendship, a soulmate, a new life, a new career, a new car , new ANYTHING ask and have faith faith faith.Yeah today let me get all "spiri" yani the whole day Friday after the whole fellowship stuff went through I was a wreck - Oh my goodness its God just God whatever he starts he is sure to finish He can never leave you hanging most of the times its us who give up.Throughout the whole application I never even thought of giving up evn once - but this is just one of the few times - most times I face the mountain and turn around...Ok am done that was my ranting and raving for today...So yes I am officially a Mass Gen Hausmann Fellow 2010!!!

Babies babies more babies....

So yesterday and today I spent a whole day trying to do my hair - and asusual when I got home I was like aai is this what I wanted??So anyhu the lady who was doign my hair - Juliet bless her soul - such a wonderful lady...has the most amazing baby - her name is Athena named afer the Greek goddess and she is so cuddly has the most amazing smile and she is constantly smiling...Then my other workmate had a baby too - both are Nigerian -oh and speaking of which I have absolutely fallen in love with egusi soup and foo - this is like the Nigerian delicacy and delicious it is.Both of my new found buddies Omo and Juliet are always fixing me Egusi soup when I go to their place.Funny it is made up of my three favourite meals - melon seeds - I love water melons , fish and it is so spicy - as in curry I loev it love it.....Oh so where was oh yeah so my dear Omo also got her baby last week - her name is Elora - means God is light...I went to see her she is so tiny and cuddly.They both allowed me to put pics on my blog for those days when life does not seem to make sense - I loook and see the innocence of childeren it amazes me...They are so cute I love children - I think they are a taste of heaven - the innocence the giggling the baby smell the chubby cheeks - dont you see and feel God in a little one oh gosh here are pics of Elora and Athena...

Obesity - Fact or Fad???

So the other day I was doing my clinical rotation in the O.R I got to see four different surgeries.One was a ten year old buy - cute as ever Tony was his name - yeah I have a thing with names...and he had the cutest dimples....after surgery I followed him to the recovery room and of course he had been given Versed - beautiful drug that causes amnesia and in the most sweetest voice he asks mama what happened?then he smiled it was amazing the dimples....oh then I got to see a kidney stone taken out - not much fun there - the surgeon just crushed it with some laser beam - fun but nothing to write home about...then its started gettign interesting I then got to see a total well partial knee replacement - they took out parts of the patellar and femur and put a movable metal piece...Ok so the final one and the reason I had to blog was a lady who was in for a tummy tuck and breast reduction surgery.My word!!!! the lumps of fat that were being removed from her abdomen....chunks and chunks - if you are not a blood, ER ,Greys anatomy kind of person you would have passed out.And all the while the surgeon was busy chattign me up about the up comign Boston Marathon after he found out I was from Kenya - he was all up in my bizz and there I was wide eyed looking at the fat upon fat ...So anyhu he pulled fat here stretched the skin there and presto a new tummy.But as I was watching the whole procedure a Big fat yellow M was comign to my mind and that M is for Mc Donalds....America is an obese nation... after watching that surgery Wednesday I confirmed it.My med surg professor always says Americans inhale food literally inhale - eat so fast it has no time to be digested.It takes a whole twenty minutes for the tummy to send a signal to the brain that it is full. A full 20 minutes!!! - seriously which American sits and enjoyes their food for 20 minutes- no offense anm not trying to step on anyones toes but its the truth.The other day I was in midday traffic so I decide to peep into cars in incoming traffic.Driver upon driver was putting something in their mouth - I saw bagels, cheese burgers , others were drinking - I dunno if it was soda or shakes...but my point is people are so much on the move that eating has becoming more of a task than an enjoyable part of the day.This rush eating and sedentary lifestyle is making more and more children begin checking their blood sugars at an early age as diabetes is another biggie and its all tied in to OBESITY!!!We are a fat nation even worse on the news today a report by one of the local media reported that insurance companies own almost seventy percent of the fast food chains - so what does that mean for the average consumer??They do not care what you eat - theirs is all about the mula....So thats my two cents for the day but seriously...is it a choice - do you choose what food you eat or you let society through commercials , "your crazy lifestyle"and your tummy dictate that for you??oh well i dunno but health in america is such a hot cake...Lol I was looking at a cookbook from different countries all over the world there was Jamaica, Japanese tapioca Kenyan githeri, Morrocan , Indian curry beef stew etc.Most of the meals took up almost two pages with ingredients and preparation...sadly I looked at most of the American dishes and they were a lousy page with three at most four ingredients - throw the pasta in the hot water boil open the meatball packet let it simmer for a few add the pasta sauce cheese and voila..I mean what does that tell you..Where other cultures see the value of takign time to acknowledge what goes into a meal the rush rush American lifestyle is all"grab and go"... I remember at the dinner table was where we as a family could discuss our day , I mean thats where the phrase "bring it to the table" originated from ama??so maybe I should pardon the average American - c kutaka kwao...society chose them they did not choose the society to be born into but I think its just something that needs serious consideration...Oh wait then again its the steroids they put in the food - yeah I have a lot to say - America was and still is the "granary of the world" I mean there is no way you are realistically telling me that this little chick will be a broiler in a week...so to feed the world America is pumping more and more steroids in the cows in the plants everywhere..so where do these steriods land - in my poor little abdomen...and steroids are packed with growth hormones so Eureka solve the steroid problem solve the obesity problem??I dunno...I give up...Its one thirty - as usual in the still of the night is when my mind is working overtime to blog...

Loves of my life

Today is one of those low days in my life - happen very rarely - but yeah they do...when all I can do is bawl my eyes out and soak a Kleenex when I think how much I miss my family...how I miss the days when we all we had was each other - when we shut out the world and all we did was laugh and tease each other.When I look back and see how far we have come as a family in this thing called life - the mountains we have climbed together from the

fun times we had at Golden Beach - getting soaked at the New Years eve parties, waiting up at midnight to open gifts under the Christmas tree - the look on someones face when they got that book they had wanted all year, dad leading the Christmas Carols ,driving around Sarit on christmas Eve - just window shopping - just being together made a world of difference.Oh Sunday lunches at Jacaranda after church - brunch we called it to fun at Sagret with the Munyokis,to days at Hs Number eleven when days got tough and to Kampala going to Garden City taking the Akamba together to Kla...hanging out in Wynberg and Rondebosch I mean the love is so thick you can cut it with a knife...so sadly we are so far apart now - different corners of the world I would give anything ANYTHING to have just one more day in the 90s in the Marenge house - the warmth the love the laughter the joy ....I miss you dad I miss you mum I miss you Jonah I miss you adi I miss you Jessy terribly terribly it almost hurts..

.....There are years that ask questions and there are years that answer them...."

Logs and Splints in eyes

Yeah the title is very extremely weird but will make sense as I go along - I hope....so as I was driving to work the other day I pass a billboard for some watch comapny - Taugher or something it was some exotic looking model lady...anyhu a few months ago it had been Tiger Woods on the billboard until his whole saga with cheating on his wife and all his clandes - on the sides - came into the picture.Now another story - unrelated to this but holds the same message...now a pastor that I hold so dear to me has been suspended "pending investigation" on reasons that are yet to be discovered.Immediately I heard this I was so distraught almost in tears...yeah I get soppy like that sometimes....So anyhu back to the the title...it is witten somwhere in Proverbs - do not remove the splints from your brothers eye and yet you have a log in your eyes.... In short who are we to judge and point fingers at other people errs and mistakes...who are we to cast the first stone on the proverbial Prostitute...I mean before any man should raise a finger and lay blame he / she needs to search and examine the deepest of depths of their hearts I mean are their sins any bigger than ours....Generally we cannot go walking around being the judge of peoples actions.There is only one judge and his name is GOD so I believe as long as you make it reight personally with God the rest is up to him to judge and discipline accordingly..but we are all mortals subject to the same law subject to the same mistakes...ok am blabberign on its one a.m and am mad sleepy - have serious spring break fever coming up - did my last Med Surg exam today and it messed me up completely thank God I really passed the first exams...
Anyhu now I lay me down to sleep Lord I pray My soul to keep and if I die before I wake Lord I pray my sould to take

How we spend our days is of course how we spend our lives - Anne Dillard

Decisions Decisions

So the other day I was at Market Basket getting my groceries.So am at the cereal aisle as usual I went straight for my Smart Start - yani I recommend that cereal for anyone having bowel issues - ok am getting graphic but you feel me it is works wonders...So anyway as usual the cereal aisle has like a million and one cereals.So there was a mum and her I think two year old daughter and the lady asks her "pick out the cereal you want"..Yeah I know it sounds trivial and thinking uh huh aaand...but as I walked away I started thinking how the upbringing here is so different from my lovely Kenya well Africa in general.From an early age kids here are given the responsibility to make choices speak out ...I rememeber growing up the only cereal I knew was Weetabix and had no say on whether I liked it or not you had to eat what was there and you had to do as required.I think that early decision making fosters a sense of independence which is so important - it makes you aware of teh fact that the decisions I make affect me no one else but me...If I decide not to study for this exam it will be me getting a flunking grade...However on teh flip side I beleive there are those decisions that my folks made that enabled me to be where I am today to think and act the way I do today that without that intervention I may have had no sense of direction.So it really is a tough call depending on what side you look a it...So am really sleepy have a mega long day - back to back until eleven so now I lay me down to sleep...Lord I pray my soul to keep and if I die before I wake Lord I pray my soul to take.....Oh oh wait there was a powerful song the choir sung in church - well they have sung it a couple of times but it always makes me go punches in the air punches in the air.My best phrase from the song is...'My storage is empty and I am available to you Lord.."Isnt that something or is it me getting sleepy???

to fly or not to fly that is the question

So last weekend - was the annual seven a side international rugby.It is usually held in San Diego but this time the venue was changed to sin city - the glamarous city of Las Vegas.So Dennis and I took a trip down there - everyone else bailed on the plan so we were there for a whole weekend was also St Valentines weekend - killed two birds with one stone...So anyhu as usual the Kenyan crowd was the largest - apparently there were 1500 Kenyans who had come down 50 from Nbi etc etc...so we chanted, we heckled all those high school cheering songs for sports , kina hatuta piga kelele hadi drama fest songs but sadly the Kenya team made it to the semis not finals but I was throughly impressed they did a really good job....Samoa won even though I ws secretly rooting for Fiji have some pics will post up soon - when I get the psyke and patience...so anyhu the long of the short we took united airlines and we were like so late - had gone to the wrong terminal as in they started beeping for us on the airport intercom - Will Kariuki and Marenge report to Gate B6 there we were running it ws just so intense....but before that I was so frustrated the lady who was checking us in made me check in my suit case - which was not even that big so am liek cool it cant cost that much hahhh shock on me I see 25 dollars flash on the screen am like what are you joking???Had to pay the darn money as were gettign late...Haiya we check into the flight by then fashionably late haiya so we get the drinks...heh I ask the flight attemdant later for another drink - she goes like 'Did they not come round earlier??" I was perplexed like sriously woman do you think I would be asking if I di dnot need one....I looked her straight in teh face and said yes though I want another drink am thirsty.Taking a deep breath she walked off and brought my apple juice with a look those ones of "Na usizoee'
So anyhu the long of the short on the trip back now that I was wiser I made sure I boarded mapema so I could weka my suitcase up there and it ws such a tusstle as people shoved as no one wanted to pay the 25 bucks.The point of my story is the joy and comfort of flying has really been taken away its actually a hustle from security to lousy drinks to the mega cold A/C well then again the states here are so close together hopping on a plane is like hopping on a bus from Nairobi to Mombasa but at least they can try make the flight worthwhile - I mean the tickets are pricey...I rememeber way back when taking Kenya Airways just to Mombasa and getting loaded with sandwhiches tea candy little wine and drinks blankets - you name it they got it and it was all free.I do not see why I have to pay 2 dollars for a lousy headset or even for a blanket - come on United gimme a break??? so that ws my weekend now am back in the system - will be up and out in a few weeks off to Georgia for spring break - this time I will be battling mosquitoes cold showers but am mega excted.Its a humanitarian mission lol - with Habitat for Humanity...lemme go watch the celtics thrash the Lakers...


“Work is love made visible. And if you can’t work with love but only with distaste, it is better that you should leave your work and sit at the gate of the temple and take alms of the people who work with joy. Khalil Ghibran

Its one in the morning and sleep eludes me..I have studied I have watched TV for a while and now here I am doing what I do best... three days ago the country of Haiti came to a stand still - maybe thats the reason am still awake now - just watching CNN live seeing Hatians in the streets in the still of the night settign up camp for the night due to the terrible earthquake that struck three days ago.A video of a woman screaming "The world is comign to an end the world is coming to an end" when the earthquake hit rings in my head.The image of a 15day old baby being treated for head injuries lingers in my mind.A man snatching food supplies from a woman carrying a baby is still rife in my memory...bodies upon bodies lining the streets of Paut-au-Prince... it feels watching a movie on big screen you wish you hadnt paid to watch.The only sad thing is that this is reality...So many questions have been racing through my mind since Tuesday.Some of them I have posed them to God the rest are just there hoping for an answer from somwhere or someone...One I thoought there is all this high tech equipement that geographers and scientists use to see changes in the moon and earth movements and somehow be able to see disasters such as these coming??or are there people kickin themselves in the shins right now for not takign any action??Second why Haiti - they say its one of the pooorest oops I meant it is THE poorest and most illiterate country in the Western Hemisphere or so it is said..to go through a disaster of this magnitude where people survive on a dollar or so a day is just licking their wound..Third what next?the capital city was destroyed and thats what houses I mean everything from banks to the parliament well palace..to schools to the university to the UN offices I mean does this mean rebuilding almost a nation again?Gosh I have so many questions..I was telling somone yesterday gosh I wish I could have the means to be on the ground right now in Haiti handing out food , treating the wounded just being there for them offering hugs smiles just that assurance that even though its bleak right now joy will cometh in the morning...These are people who have settled for simple pleasures in life who have learnt not to expect more than what is available who have seen so much hardship in their time this just takes the cake.Here are some stats from a website unemplyement rate - 80%.It has no public transportation system.About 60 % of the population is below 25 can you imagine that - so these are young brilliant minds.To think of the extent of this catastrophe is unimaginable.wow let me stop here for now but there is still so much on this issue I need to revist.On a more lighter note i just had my first karaoke session - I loved loved it!!I did a rendition of Madonna - La isla bonita - rocked the house down and also did whitney houston - how will i know with Muthoni am so proud of her - she faced her fears - stage fright!!through the window...

End of a Diva era

Today I received such heart wrenching news.One of the sweetest souls I have come to know in America passed away after 32 years of a battle with multiple sclerosis bravely borne.Debbie Obrien was and always will be my diva my big sister and the lady who always put a smile on my face when I went to visit.To describe Debbie in words is too hard a task but all I can say is am glad our paths crossed - you know those people you meet only a few times in your life time but their footprints remain on your heart for a lifetime.Gosh she brought such joy to the family with her radiant smile but better still her constant glow..even when I would visit her after the chemo had wore he down she would always have a smile - smiling through the storm as my sister calls it and had something nice to say about her doctors her nurses .Life was so beautiful in Debbies eyes - but better yet she saw life through the eyes of her amazing six year old son - Peter - such pride she had when she talked about her two boys - Peter and handsome Steve.I call Peter my "banana boy" he totally loves bananas.Maybe one day when you are old enough Pete I willl tell you tales of how beautiful your mother was on the inside and the out too.How she loved when we would go to the thrift store and spend hours going through the isles.Better yet Pete I will tell you how much joy you brought to her life everyday - from the day you begun pre school and she was there waiting to pick you when you got home , and how stubborn you were when she picked out your clothes and you threw tantrums...she loved her boys so much and her husbad steve -My rock she would call him- he was by her side - 23 years of marriage - he saw her from the blonde days of her youth to the tough days of chemo and was with her to the last moment where he said "It was like falling in love with her all over again." Debbie I will miss terribly but I know that I know you are at peace...Loving and missing you from down here.Your "Kenyan girlfriend."
Oh here is a link that was in the daily newspaper http://www.legacy.com/SalemNews/Obituaries.asp?Page=Notice&PersonID=137923243

The most exciting significant and challenging relationship of all is the one you have with yourself and if you can find someone to love the you you love, well thats just fabulous...

Are we square??

So today I went last minute shopping and by last minute I mean exactly that for christmas things here and there with my school study buddy.The malls were so packed we mainly were in the clothing stores as she is leaving for Uganda soon hence she needs the sphagetti strap tops etc...So anyway as we were picking out and trying different clothes its amazign how our personaliies were being revealed by the type of clothes that we chose...Hers were more flashy muti coloured and I as usual - am saying usual coz this not the first time am shopping with someone and I end up going for either black or white coloured clothes yeah I know yawn yawn...thats me right there - the more conservative laid back not too calling attire.So anyway my friend got so fed up with me she was like oh my goodness Penny why are you so square??and I go like huh???she is like you need to be flexible in yoru choice...hey trust me everyoen in my family esp my mum and my sister know me and shopping especially for clothes - I am the worst - put me in a book store and I will be the best company...So anyway her statement was really interesting - why am I so square so predictable so unchanging....so my friend was like at least with you pickign black and white it shows my personality am either here or here no in betweens..But later i got to thinking wow a square....so rigid so firm can only go so far with a square...but to think of being described as a circle well wow with a circle its endless its flexible a circle hs breathing space - am thinking abstarctly now work with me here...so thats me the square...what are you ??

She just did not say that

Ok so every Tuesday I volunteer at Beverly Hospital in the endo unit- and oh they surprised me the other day with a barnes and noble gift card - which I am so excited about - I love reading - just getting through to the end of the book is my biggest challenge lol.But hey schools out now so I will have more time on my hands,Speakign of school this semester grades really suck I have Bs can you imagine that - Bs!!!but hey it was such a great semseter in terms of the learnign experience..I was not in class just to get the A grade - wow I can conjugate Spanish verbs - actually I was driving the other day and saw a Spanish billboard and was able to translate the whole thing I was so proud of my Spanish class.Oh and then in my abnormal psych class I have garnered a ton of info on diagnoses from bipolar to schizophrenia to paranoia wow i think its a class i can retake....so anyway thats wnough about that.Oh so what was I saying - as usual I divert again so yes volunteering at Beverly hospital.Oh yeah so the other day I was doing my usual rounds I hear one of the nurses takign a health history and she asks the patient , "Any cultural and / religious affiliations we need to be aware of before we do the procedure?" and the lady goes like ,"Oh am an atheist."The nurse even had to restate the question oh thats not what I mean I ,ean in terms of food preferences to culture etc...so anyway the patients answer really threw me off.Not only is it two days to the birth of the saviour but this woman does not believe in his father or the Holy trinity for that matter.I dont know what feelings I felt as I walked away from this ladys bed was it anger? desbelief? sadness that somene ...well people out there do not beleive that there is a God and He exists??Or could the lady have gone through a situation in her life that made her doubt the existience of the father..wow to not beleive in God now that I think about it has such a domino effect.It also implies lack of faith , lack of hope but most important not experiencing the love of the father...gosh that love that He sent His only son that every day that I live I know whose I live for whose I serve and wher I find my being and everlasting life.Gosh the joy from knowing that his love is unconditional unwavering ..oh my and to hear the lady say I am an atheist ripped my heart out...and as usual I run to my comfort zone simplyme-queenpen.blogspot.com for refuge.

Fun at white mountains

So this weekend I was up in white mountains with a group of friends
we had such a lovely time - and I am the self declared taboo champion he hehe - thats vanity at its highest.No but seriously my arm is still sore from all the falling - we were all firat time skiiers well I was and the instructor was so crazy...imagine falling and he is there yelling , "Are you chickening out??you chicken???and poof there you go on the floor and then he refuses to help you up can you imagine it felt like we were in some Iraq boot camp training...but hey he made the xperience memorable...But wow it was so great we were 18 of us - can you imagine that it was some mini big brother goin on....here are some pics to pore over...

Whats the difference?

Yeah so whats the difference between blanco y negro..hey how will you know I am taking a Spanish class.So anyhu whats the difference between black or white??does my skin colour determine who I am on the inside??When the singer Pink was asked how she came up with the name Pink she said "hey whether your black or white it dont matter we all pink on the inside." There was a documentary on NPR a few days ago about the Spanish population thats is infiltrating all corners of America.Before it was Oh ok yeah El Paso, Texas is where you go if you looking for some Quesadillas or Tacos but now when you make a call am sure in a year or so it will be "press one for Spanish two for English." So anyway the main topic of discussion was so what are the Spanish are they black or they white or neither??and is Spanish becoming the new minorty.In my opinion I think Spaniards are becoming the new majority.And trust me inititally I used to hear Spain..images of dancing the Marengue and riding a boat on the Rio came to mind but wow the diversity of the Spanish speakign world is immense - Puerto Ricans , Dominicans , Hondurans , Argentina..its endless and guess where they have found their melting pot - the land of milk and honey - America!!!....The other day at the bank some teller was having a heck of a hard time explaining the opening of a bank account and the lady responds in Spanish and I hear the teller say "Sorry I do not speak Spanish"so what is America or Americans going to do with the rising Spanish population...will we choose to still consider this ethnicity a minority and not account for its diversity or will we assimilate the culture and begin wearing sombreros to work...ok am drifting yet again from my mainpoint what was it???oh so whats the difference if am black white ..oh I know what brouught me here yes today someone said something and it got me thinking mmmh???they must have been having a Freudian moment it was something to the extent "Same difference between nigger and negro." Wow as much as I hate to admit and I really do not think the word negro conjures up any emotions in me of slavery or what not that phrase there I was surprised how hard it hit home...For this person in there oWn little mind still has the association of the word nigger with someone or something ( who knows) thats below the ground they walk on.Whether they say nigger or negro to them it all means the same thing the online dictionary I quote "a member of a humankind native to Africa classified according to physical features - sometimes offensive???" end quote...I think they need to get rid of the last part sometimes offensive and paraphrase it to read previously offensive.I mean in this day and age well maybe its coz I was raised in a family that had no glass ceileings especially owing to teh fact that we are three girls and one boy - a family that understood that black or white its whats on the inside that counts.I think its time that we reach that point in our personal and proffesional lives where we look at the contents and not the container before we speak before we label and more so before we draw conclusions...

I have a dream that my four little children will one day live in a nation where they will not be judged by the color of their skin but by the content of their character. .."

I have a dream that one day on the red hills of Georgia, the sons of former slaves and the sons of former slave owners will be able to sit down together at the table of brotherhood.
Martin Luther King Jnr.